Checkmate
by xxbabewithbrainsxx
Summary: COMPLETE: In the midst of a Wizarding war are James Potter and Lily Evans, who are brought together after the horrific events which occurred before their seventh year starts. Join them on a journey of love and loyalty and friendship. Strong language.
1. Prologue

Hi everyone. This is my very first chaptered fic and I hope you enjoy it. James/Lily is one of my favourite pairings and I hope I do it justice.

Happy reading :)

"Look after them for me, will you, Lily?" Marlene McKinnon wheedled. "Please?"

Lily Evans sighed. "Is it so important that you see him now?"

Marlene nodded. Despite her protests, Lily softened slightly.

"Pretty please?" she said again, this time looking longingly at Jack Smith, who was waiting just outside the McKinnons' house. They had a lovely view of the sunset; Jack's tall, hulking silhouette was clear in front of the backdrop of reddish swirls and the late summer breeze gently ruffled his hair as he leaned against a nearby tree.

"Come on, Lily, it's only for a couple of hours and I know Layla and Jenna love you to bits! Besides," she added with another glance at the window, "I haven't seen Jack for days! And it's nearly time to go to Hogwarts, so we won't get a chance…please?"

After a moment, Lily nodded at last. "Fine. Be back at ten o'clock at the latest, OK?"

Marlene nodded quickly. Then, without further ado, she shot off and was out of the front door so fast she might have Apparated.

However, two hours later, after countless games of chess and Exploding Snap, Lily was getting a bit worried as she sat in an armchair in the sleeping Layla and Jenna's bedroom. Marlene still wasn't home, but she couldn't exactly leave the sisters by themselves. Lily drew her wand from her pocket and held it steady, as if expecting an attacker. Yet the seconds trickled by and turned into minutes as she waited; the only sounds were soft snoring from the girls.

She considered sending an owl a couple of times, but before she could do little more than look around the room for parchment, there was a loud CRACK and two masked people materialised out of nowhere.

Death Eaters.

Lily leapt to her feet and whipped her wand out at once; she had already fired a hex at one of the figures, and whoever it was keeled over in pain. She wheeled around to do the same to the other one, but he or she was a step ahead of her. Lily was on her feet and her wand was out at once; she had already fired a hex at one of the figures and whoever it was keeled over in pain. She was wheeling round to do the same to the other one, but they were a step ahead of her.

"Expelliarmus!" Her wand flew out of her hand just as the girls woke up with frightened expressions on their faces. They both paused in action as they watched Layla and Jenna.

Lily tried to take advantage of the temporary distraction by diving for the other person's wand, but, again, her jinxer beat her to it and pushed her down on the floor by her throat.

"Get—out—of—here," Lily choked. She tried to gesture at the girls to run, but they seemed to be frozen to their beds.

"Listen, Lily-no-mates," her captor snarled (this person knew her name?) in an unrecognisable rasp, "I don't know what the hell you're doing here, but you're gonna have to come along for the ride, I'm afraid."

"NO!" she yelled as she struggled against her subjugator's strong grip. "Jenna—Layla—GO! GET OUT OF HERE!"

It was only then that she realised Jenna and Layla were immobilised; their intruder had wordlessly Stunned the pair of them while Lily was trying to get their accomplice's wand…

And then everything went black.

hr

The small room they were in was almost pitch dark, so Lily wasn't completely sure about what time she had come round. The only source of light was from an old, heavy lantern which they had placed in the middle of their cavernous cell. Layla, Jenna and Lily sat around it.

"We'll get out of here," Layla assured her sister, Jenna, confidently, her voice echoing into the ominous silence of the cell. "Lily will get us out, won't you, Lily?"

Lily, who had been staring at the light emanating from the lantern for the last ten minutes, looked up momentarily at the sound of her name.

"Won't you, Lily?" Layla repeated, some of her conviction falling away from her ten-year-old eyes at Lily's expression.

"Yeah," she said faintly. "Yeah, course I will."

But it was too late. She had no idea about how to get out of there and there was nothing she could do without a wand.

They had been kidnapped and brought to this room. That was yesterday. They had had one disgusting meal since then, and that was it. There was a toilet in one corner of the room that they used; the seat was covered in grime, and Lily had tried her best to clean it with a piece of her shirt that she had ripped off. It wasn't even in a cubicle or anything; Lily herself was disgusted at eating their solitary meal in the same room as the toilet.

Were they just going to leave them there to starve? Surely not. Surely they had a reason for taking Layla and Jenna?

And it wasn't as if she could identify any of them, even if they did release them. All of their faces were covered; she was sure that they were disguising their real voices with charms.

Another raspy, gruff voice interrupted her thoughts.

"All three of you, stand against the wall. You try anything, I'll kill you!" Lily put a finger to her lips and gave the sisters a look which said to obey, and they did so.

Two cloaked figures entered the room, closing the heavy door behind them.

"Right then, listen, little girls," the first person said nastily, addressing Layla and Jenna, both who stepped forwards slightly. Lily recognised the voice as one of the two kidnappers who were at the McKinnons'. "You answer our questions honestly and we'll go easy on you."

"But if you lie," added the other newcomer, "we'll know, and we'll make you tell the truth, whether you like it or not."

Layla and Jenna nodded, frightened by their threat.

"And if we do cooperate, will you let us go?" Lily asked. It was a stupid question, and she already knew the answer.

"Hell, no. But," and at this point, he drew his wand, "if you don't do exactly as I say, I'm gonna have to something rather unpleasant to you."

"And if I do?" said Lily sceptically. She knew she was pushing her luck, but she wanted a proper answer.

"If you do, maybe the Dark Lord will have a bit more mercy on you," the man sneered.

"I don't want his mercy. Sod Voldemort's mercy. I want to get out of here." Lily felt a strange pleasure as her words stung her captors.

"You dare insult the Dark Lord?" the first man half-hissed. "You dare besmirch his honour and let his name pass through those dirty Mudblood lips of yours –"

"At least I'm not scared to say his name," Lily retorted. "At least—"

"Shut the fuck up, Mudblood," spat the second Death Eater. They turned back to the sisters. "Now, where is your father?"

The query was met by silence.

"I'll ask you again. Where is Adam McKinnon, the biggest Mudblood lover ever? Adam McKinnon, one of the biggest blood traitors to ever walk the Wizarding world? Adam McKinnon, that worthless piece of shit who's a disgrace to the Wizarding race? The one who thinks it's OK to put one of our best people into Azkaban and get away with it? Ring a bell at all? DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS?"

Silence. Then—

"No," Layla whispered (but her tiny voice still echoed in the silent room). "Dad had a row with Mum a few days ago and we haven't seen him since."

"LIAR! Say yes!"

"But I—"

"SAY YES! Imperio!"

Jenna gasped. An unfocused expression entered Layla's eyes as the Imperius Curse took control of her.

"Y-yes."

"Stop—" Lily couldn't finish her sentence.

"If and when we want your opinion, we'll rattle your cage, you Mublood slut," the first Death Eater snarled as the other turned back to Layla. "Tell the truth, you liar!" He turned his wand on her again and she could see the Curse lifting.

"I'm—I'm n-not lying. I haven't s-seen D-dad for days," said Layla. She had never been so scared in her life. She started sobbing, tears trickling down her cheeks as she continued to speak. "I j-just thought that he—that he'd be back soon, that he and Mum would make up—"

"You're lying! Tell the truth! Crucio!"

Layla thrashed around on the floor in agony, and Jenna, unable to see her older sister in so much pain, launched herself at the Death Eater, clawing at his face so badly that his wand slipped out of his hand. Lily, seizing her chance in the midst of the confusion around her, took a great swipe at the wand lying on the floor, yelling "Impedimenta!" at the other Death Eater. He was knocked backwards by an invisible force and fell to the floor.

Lily attempted a Leg-Locker curse at the Layla's torturer but missed, hitting the lantern instead, so the room became completely pitch-black as the sole source of light went out. She muttered "Lumos," and a beam of light came out of her wand. A flash of purple later and she felt a stinging pain on her left palm. She knew that it had come from one of her attackers, but she had no time to waste—half-blindly, she reached out for Layla's wrist, and, miraculously, some part of Jenna, her lit wand held aloft.

She twisted on the spot, thinking hard of a wood that she knew of, just as one of the Death Eaters lunged at her. The suffocating feeling of Apparition left her as they arrived at their destination and Lily relinquished her hold on the two sisters. Throwing down her stolen wand onto the mossy ground, she was just breathing a sigh of relief at leaving that horrible place when she realised who was there.

There was no sign of Jenna. The other Death Eater, who had been on the receiving end of Lily's Impediment Jinx, was on the floor, singlehandedly holding an unconscious Layla.

Something had rooted her to the spot—whether it was fear or magic, she had no idea—but in any case, it was impossible for her to move at all.

She could hear the smirk in his masked voice, even though his face was just a dark expanse of hood to her.

"Earth is full. Fuck off and die, Mudblood. Or maybe," he taunted in a mock-thoughtful rasp, "I'll do the job for you."

And before she could do or say anything, the Death Eater raised his wand—Lily noticed, with his left hand—and shouted, "Avada Kedavra!"

Lily instinctively ducked down, so the jet of green light flew over her head, her hands scrambling desperately on the ground for a wand. She dodged another flash of light, this time red, and at last she found it. The Death Eater decided to leg it as he turned on the spot. Lily, waving her wand wildly, screamed the first spell that came into her head: "Obliviate!"

She watched as the spell shot from her wand and hit her target just as he disappeared.

Lily's bright green eyes widened with shock as she realised what had just happened.

She had abandoned them. Layla and Jenna were now left at the mercy of those two bastards.

She made to get up from the floor, her hands brushing against the rough ground, when she winced in pain. Lily looked down to find a small puddle of scarlet where her hand had just been.

She held up her left hand, staring at her wrist, which was now dripping with blood, her sleeve actually sodden red. Her whole body had become numb with shock and she was gradually regaining feeling in her hand. Slowly, trying not to cry out by the pain, checking that her surroundings were clear, she picked up the fallen wand from the floor and murmured, "Aguamenti."

Water gushed out of the wand, washing away the excess blood and cleaning the cut – and it didn't make it any better that there were more than one of them. In fact, lots of small scars had already formed on her palm; it was done in such a precise way that she immediately sensed something was wrong. And she was right.

For, she now had the most disgusting series of scars on her wrist – and it wasn't because of the amount of blood still pouring out of some of them.

It was crude, yet almost artfully done, the letters perfectly formed, in nearly calligraphic writing, inscribed on her wrist like a bracelet. But that just made it worse; it was as though they were mocking her from afar, even though they had no idea about her current location in the Death Eater's haste to Apparate.

Slowly, ominously, Lily read the word, now etched on her skin forever, out loud, her voice echoing in the empty forest, seeming to bounce off the trees: "Mudblood."

End Notes: Liked it? Hated it? Please review or you'll make a poor fifteen-year-old cry ;(


	2. Silence Is The Best Policy

"What do you mean, I'm not invited anymore?"

"I don't want you there, Lily. Plain and simple." Petunia's tone was resolute. But her sister wasn't taking no for an answer.

"And why not? What's happened that's so ... so drastic that you've suddenly decided to un-invite your own sister to your wedding? When did this happen?" Lily demanded. She banged her fist on the kitchen table for good measure; as a result, the red-and-white checked tablecloth shuddered and slid slightly to the right; a glass jug containing lemonade fell to the floor and shattered.

Petunia stepped out of the way only just in time to avoid the splash. She spared her a look of pure disdain—for both the spillage (Petunia hated mess of any kind) and her question.

"Are you honestly asking me that? Don't you realise the damage that you've caused? It's a miracle Vernon hasn't broken off the engagement, you know!"

Pfft. Lily was tempted to tell her sister that she deserved way better than that fat blob of a man that Petunia had ended up with, that it was a miracle Vernon was fortunate enough to actually get a wife, that it would do her good if Vernon _did_ break off the engagement; however, something she said caught her by surprise.

"What do you mean? The damage _I've_ caused?"

In response, Petunia gave her one of the filthiest glares she could muster, one that clearly said, "Isn't it obvious?"

And then it clicked. "That's not fair," said Lily crossly after a pause, shaking her dark red hair out of her face angrily. "That's not fair one bit. I told you already: I didn't make his chair collapse. It was his fault." She couldn't stop herself giggling despite the frosty atmosphere—Lily could've sworn the corners of Petunia's mouth had twitched, as if she was about to smile, yet the moment was gone as soon as it came—to be replaced with such a furious expression that Lily couldn't help but recoil slightly. The argument came crashing back to earth, something which certainly wiped the smile off Lily's face.

"Don't you dare laugh about my husband like that—" Petunia hissed.

"Fiancé," Lily corrected unhelpfully.

"Whatever, that's not the point, Lily! Not only is he now suspicious about your—your—you know what I mean—"

"My magic, is that what you mean?" Lily almost shouted over her. Petunia flinched, much in the same way that wizards and witches did at Voldemort's name, but this did not impede her speech. Rather, she ignored Lily and ploughed on as if she hadn't spoken.

"—the bottom line is, you embarrassed him at our own engagement party—"

"You didn't seem to mind so much at the time," Lily argued, remembering Petunia's somewhat overindulgent (or was it drunken?) smile as she helped Vernon to his feet again.

Besides which, Lily didn't like Vernon very much. No, that wasn't true: she didn't like him at all. She had no idea what her sister saw in him and his overly obese family and that awful moustache of his and the fact that he was so large that they couldn't find a wedding suit big enough for him and had to get one tailored specially for him just to cater for his vastness.

People often said that love made people blind. Lily fervently hoped that love had made Petunia blind—that was the only reasonable explanation for why she had fallen for him and agreed to marry him.

Vernon Dursley was, to be frank, a creep; the almost appraising way he looked at Lily said that much, so she wasn't sorry about what happened, whether or not it was her fault.

She didn't think it was her fault, though; Vernon was just in the middle of an awful joke about golfers or something, drunk as a corpulent skunk, and Lily, uninterested, was staring at the legs of his chair, marvelling at the fact that it was able to take his immense weight. Then—a few seconds later—there was a CRASH and he fell to the floor on his large posterior as the chair legs gave way under him.

Encouraged by Petunia's silence, Lily (suppressing another giggle with difficulty as the memory came back to her) added—a tad recklessly— "And so what if he figured out I'm a witch? Maybe we should tell him about ... " Lily trailed off at the sight of her sister's nostrils flaring, her long neck seeming to writhe with rage. Normally, Lily thought of Petunia as an elegant swan, but now she just looked like an extremely angry bird.

"Are you trying to be funny, Lily? Are you? 'Cause let me tell you, it's anything but. As if I'd want Vernon to know that you're a—you're a ... that you're a damn freak!" There. She had said it.

Lily opened her mouth indignantly, but Petunia held up a hand to stop her. "You're not going. My mind's made up, OK? You're. Not. Invited." After a moment's thought, she added, "And even if you were, you wouldn't be able to come anyway."

Momentarily forgetting her annoyance, Lily asked, "What do you mean?"

Petunia turned away. "We changed the date to the first of September," she said in a small voice.

At that moment, Flora and Hayden Evans entered the kitchen, laden with groceries.

"Hello, girls," they said in unison, setting the bags down on the table.

Flora frowned at the mess on the floor and then looked up, immediately sensing the tension in the air. She asked, "Is anything the matter, you two?"

"No, Mum, everything's fine," said Petunia. Lily said nothing; she snatched a brown bag from her mum and began unpacking it.

"Lily, what's the matter?" asked Hayden, looking from one daughter to the other and back again. Lily didn't answer. She just yanked the bread out of the bag and shoved it into the bread bin.

"Lily ... " Hayden got no further.

"Did you know about this?" Crumpling up the bag, she grabbed an embossed blue and silver invitation from the small pile on the table and thrust it at him.

_Mr and Mrs Hayden Evans request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter, Petunia Evans, to Mr Vernon Dursley at St. Mary's Church, London on 1st September at 12.30pm and afterwards at The Ritz Hotel, London. BY INVITATION ONLY. PLEASE NOTE THAT IF YOU DO NOT HAVE AN INVITATION ON DEMAND AT THE DOOR, YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED INTO THE CHURCH OR HOTEL. _

Hayden looked up.

"So not only do I not get an invite to my own sister's wedding, it's on the day I go back to school as well!"

"And why have you not invited Lily?" enquired Flora. The lightness in her tone was such that Flora could've been asking about the weather. She took a step forwards and nearly slipped in the pool of lemonade and broken glass on the floor.

Not that Petunia noticed.

"I will not—repeat, not—tolerate weirdoes at my wedding!"

"I am NOT a weirdo!" Lily exclaimed. It didn't help in Lily's favour much, as at that moment she had pulled out her wand to repair the jug and siphon away the drink.

"See! Now she's allowed to use that ... that thing of hers, she can't stop herself!" Petunia burst out, pointing an accusing finger at Lily's wand as she cast a non-verbal _Tergeo_ spell to clean up the mess.

Lily had to bite her lip to stop herself from bursting into tears right there and then. As it happened, Petunia was too busy going on at her parents to notice anyway. "Look at her!" she shouted. "She's an embarrassment! She doesn't know when to stop! She's a cocky little cow, and one hell of a show off! Have you forgotten about the incident at my party last week? Or maybe you have! Maybe, she's done some kind of hocus-pocus to make you forget!"

That was it. Lily saw red then, launching herself at her sister, snarling, "Why, you—"

However, she had barely managed to slap her on the face when Lily felt her father pull her off Petunia. Panting, she wriggled and squirmed in her dad's grasp and Petunia straightened up, adjusting her brown curls and smoothing out her skirt. She had a ghost of a smirk on her face even as she rubbed her slightly reddened cheek where Lily had slapped her; Lily was sure she saw a triumphant gleam in her eyes.

"See what I mean? She can't control herself, can she?"

Lily continued to struggle, her arms flailing as her dad held her. "Well, _Tuney, she_ doesn't give a damn about her so-called sister's stupid wedding and _she_ knows perfectly well that the only reason her sister's being like this is because _she_ can do magic and her sister can't!" Lily's voice grew louder and louder with every word, until she was shouting. And as it always did when she got angry, the tiny hint of a Welsh accent in her voice became much more prominent, until it was just as thick as Hayden's. Flora and Hayden exchanged a worried glance, but Lily didn't notice.

"What's more, she's got a name," yelled Lily indignantly. "And _she_ deserves to at least have a bit of respect from _her_ sister!"

"Lily, please ... " Flora began pleadingly, but Lily cut her mother off.

"And _she_ would never, ever modify her parents' memories! Her sister may be that heartless, but _she'd_ like to say, she isn't. _She_ actually has a heart! And _she_ does not think that being a WITCH is a problem!"

"Sweetheart, don't be so loud," Hayden whispered. "The neighbours might hear ... "

"Oh, so I'm guessing that you think I'm a freak too?" exploded Lily, now rounding on her own father (and not troubling to keep her voice down at all). She had finally stopped referring to herself in the third person. "I am, aren't I? You think I'm an embarrassment? A burden, perhaps? You probably are ashamed to have a witch in the family, aren't you? You haven't even asked where I've been for the last two days! I bet you haven't even noticed that I wasn't here all this time! You don't care, do you? All you care about is this stupid wedding, damn it!"

She was tempted to wave her left hand at them, but she managed to hold it in.

It was their turn not to answer. After all, their awkward silence was answer enough.

The silence stretched on, and Lily waited, almost desperately, for her mum or dad to break it, to tell her that of course not, they loved her as much as Petunia, _more_ than Petunia, even. But they didn't say a word. It seemed that they, like her, had decided that silence, not honesty, was the best policy.

Or maybe, just maybe, they didn't love her as just as much as they did Petunia.

Maybe.

"Fine," Lily said bitterly after several more seconds of waiting. "Fine ... you choose her. See if I care."

This was how Lily found herself lifting her heavy trunk onto a trolley as she made her way onto platform nine and three quarters, alone. Her parents could not see her off since they were at Petunia's wedding. She had Apparated to the train station alone, which—as easy as it was, simply twisting on the spot—was the loneliest journey she had ever taken.

Lily tried to convince herself that she didn't really care, but deep down, she knew she did. She had avoided her family for the remainder of the summer holidays, scarcely speaking to any of them. And if Flora or Hayden tried asking her how she was or where she had been, she had maintained a stony silence. After all, it really did seem now that silence was the best policy.

She had stayed in her room most of the time, occasionally sending an owl to Mary MacDonald, her best friend since first year. (After the fiasco with Layla and Jenna, she had not replied to any of Marlene's frantic owls to her, unable to put what she was feeling in writing.) She also found herself sending the odd letter to Remus Lupin, who had started going out with Mary from the end of sixth year and had since become one of Lily's friends too.

And she had to say, of all the Gryffindor boys, he alone was the decent one of the five. She had known that since they had both become the Gryffindor prefects, in fifth year. And, OK, William McCann was a good bloke too, but Lily didn't like to think about that, since she'd only just broken up with him last year and he had taken it rather badly, she had to say. And Pettigrew wasn't that much of a pain, he just seemed to worship his friends a bit too much for her liking. But the other two—Potter and Black—Lily had never met people like them, who were the biggest idiots but also the brightest idiots she had ever known.

She smiled ruefully at the thought of them. In a strange, strange way, she kind of missed their mischievousness. She sort of missed telling them off and refusing to go out with Potter for the billionth time. _Of course, _Lily thought, _when I get to the train I'll be thinking the exact opposite, for sure._ Still, she looked forward to being back in the castle, in the familiar territory of Hogwarts.

However, the Head Girl badge she had received along with her Hogwarts letter did not brighten her up at the time, and it was with a gloomy air that she pinned it carefully to her chest today.

Despite her rather sombre mood (it seemed to be catching; as she walked onto the platform she couldn't help noticing how sad and worried everyone else seemed to look) she managed a real smile as she overlooked the tiny, nervous-looking first-years fondly; she could remember those days, when the thing she had to worry about most was what house she was sorted in.

Of course, now she had loads more to worry about. Petunia's angry voice was still echoed in her head, bouncing against the parapets of her brain, unable to leave her mind for good: "She's an embarrassment ... See what I mean? She can't control herself ... "

More than that, Lily now had a secret, one that she would be forced to take to her grave, whether she liked it or not.

* * *

James Potter Apparated to the train station without the glee he had expected to feel at the thought of finally being allowed to use magic outside school. Well. What did he expect, when, only yesterday, he had attended his Uncle Joseph's funeral?

Technically, however, Joseph was not actually James' uncle. But he was as good as. Joseph was James' dad's best friend. They were so close they could've been brothers.

Joseph King had been murdered while he was trying to protect his Muggle neighbours. Almost undoubtedly, he had been killed by Death Eaters, along with the Muggles. James was devastated; not just the fact that he was gone, but the sheer level of corruption and vice in the Ministry which meant that no one could get justice. The Potters (as well as other like-minded families) were convinced that their current Minister for Magic was under the Imperius Curse. Albertus Vancelot was turning a blind eye too many times not to notice the mass murders and disappearances that were going on right under his nose.

There was a grim air about James today. He couldn't recall ever feeling so miserable and helpless. Voldemort was just getting stronger by the day, gaining more followers, killing more people ... the last thing he wanted to do right now was go to school. Even the prospect of seeing his best friends didn't cheer him up much. It didn't help that Sirius was no longer living with the Potters either.

"I can't keep relying on your parents, Prongs," Sirius told him seriously as he packed the last of his belongings. "It's not fair. I'll come and visit, don't worry."

He couldn't blame Sirius. He was right; he deserved a bit of independence. But he felt oddly lonely, even as he walked to platform nine and three quarters with his mother.

"Come on, Jamie darling, it's nearly time," said Laura Potter, pulling on her son's sleeve. They walked through the barrier, glancing around furtively as they did so. James couldn't help but notice the harried expression on his mother's face; she looked like she wanted to leave as soon as she could. James' dad was in bed with a hangover (on the night of the funeral he had overdone it with the Firewhiskey) and he could see that his mum just wanted to get back to make sure that he was OK.

"All right, Mum, I'm going, yeah?" James said, bending down and planting a quick kiss on her cheek. She had such a faraway look on her face that he wasn't sure whether she had registered what he had just said. Maybe she was just getting old—his mother had definitely been saying that for years—and James had to say that he agreed with her. Laura's black hair, once identical to James', now had numerous wisps of grey in it and there were more lines around her hazel eyes, the same as her son's, than ever before. James was so much taller than his mum now—he towered over her so that when he wanted to speak to her, he had to bend down to make sure that she could hear. She was certainly getting on in her years, being nearly sixty years old, so he was hardly surprised.

"Mum?"

"Yes, love, I heard," said Laura suddenly, coming out of her reverie. "Well, have a good term and be good, all right, love? Don't do anything silly with those friends of yours ... and keep safe!"

And, with another quick smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, his mum Disapparated. James stared at the spot where she had disappeared absently, until a mane of dark, crimson hair caught his attention and he looked up.

Lily Evans was, unusually, by herself, unaccompanied by her doting parents and her constantly moody-looking sister. Even more unusual was the lost, worried look on her face, which mirrored that of his mum (and, James noticed, himself) just moments before.

Slowly, registering the time on the clock, the hustle and bustle around him as the students loaded their trunks onto the train, saying last minute goodbyes; James wheeled his trunk and his owl, Sadie, on the train. Sirius, Remus and Peter must have come a bit earlier, James thought, which was why he couldn't find them in the crowd. He just hoped that they had got a compartment near to where he was right now.

He had got on right at the end of the train; most of the other students were boarding through the other doors. He was just straightening up, looking up and down the train for any of his friends, when he noticed Lily coming on just behind him. Turning around, he found himself face-to-face—or, rather, nose-to-nose—with Severus Snape.

It was strange: neither of them said anything and for a few moments they just stood perfectly still, in silence, staring at each other, until Snape caught sight of Lily just behind James. For a fraction of a second, he looked as if he wanted to say something to her, but then the moment passed and he turned on his heel and stomped down to a compartment further down along the train. James watched him curiously for a few moments, before he felt a familiar pair of eyes on him.

"Hi, Evans," James muttered listlessly, more out of habit than anything else. He let go of his luggage and cage and they fell with a thump; Sadie hooted indignantly. "How're you?"

"I'm OK, thanks," said Lily vaguely. She was looking for her friends among the crowd still outside, but she couldn't see Marlene or Mary anywhere. She adjusted her badge and it was only then that James noticed it.

"Oh, congratulations," he said woodenly, pointing at it. "Will McCann's Head Boy, did you know?"

Lily gave a jolt of surprise and disappointment. "Really? I would've thought Remus would be ... "

"Me too," said James dully. "Him and Mary still going steady?"

Lily was getting bored of the vague pleasantries they were exchanging. It was most unusual of Potter to have a conversation with her and not smile once, as vain as that sounded to say out loud. "Looks like it. Listen, Potter, are you all right? You look a bit ... sad." That was an understatement. James looked just as miserable as Lily was feeling, but this did not make her feel any better. On the contrary, she had to say that she preferred the old, joking, irritating James to this one, who had a serious expression on his face that was certainly not present in sixth year.

What—what was she saying? Since when did she _prefer_ Potter at all? She was meant to hate his guts, wasn't she? Yet, here he was, looking and acting perfectly respectable, with no trace of the cheeky prankster he once was.

And she didn't like it one bit.

"Yeah, well, I suppose I am. Sad, that is." He gave a small smile when he said it, but Lily could see it was forced.

"Why? What's happened?"

He didn't know why he told her. It was unlikely that she'd care, but, then again, she'd asked, so James couldn't see why not. And once he started speaking, the words just started to tumble out of his mouth. "It was my uncle's funeral yesterday. Well, he was my dad's best friend. He died—he was murdered, murdered by a bunch of goddamn Death Eaters—just because he wanted to keep his Muggle neighbours safe." The bitterness in his tone was not lost by Lily, whose eyebrows had rose, not because of scepticism, but because she had never seen James look so ... so vulnerable before.

"And—and d'you know what made it worse, Evans? We didn't even have a body to bury. The funeral was just a formality or something—and my dad had to lower an empty coffin into the ground. What was even the point? It was stupid.

"I wish we weren't in a war, Evans. I swear, my life would be so much easier if Lord Voldemort didn't exist."

"Potter—" she didn't know what to say—there she was, worrying her guts out about some stupid wedding of her sister, and James had lost a relative; she was being such an idiot about the whole thing—and she was almost glad when he kept talking.

"'Cause this is all his fault, you know? If it wasn't for him, I would be looking forward to seventh year, not dreading it. If it wasn't for him, my mum wouldn't be worried sick about my dad who seems to be drinking himself into a stupor because of his best friend dying. Hell, if it wasn't for him ... the world would be a better place and Joseph would've been alive."

Lily couldn't think of what to say, so she reached out and patted his arm instead. "He's a tyrant. We all know that. It's only the idiots who worship him. But we'll fight him, I know we will. I don't know how, but we will. And I'm sorry about your uncle, James. I wish there was something I could do to help."

The corners of James' mouth twitched, and Lily couldn't help but smile too.

Their eyes locked for a second, but then Lily mentally caught herself. What was she doing? This was _Potter_ she was talking to. Why on earth was she offering to help?

"Oh, you already did. Are we now on first-name terms, Lily?"

* * *

End Notes: So ... what did you think? I know this is a slightly boring chapter after the action-packed prologue, but rest assured there'll be plenty more twists as the story goes on. I have most of this story planned out right now and the next seven chapters written—but not beta'd yet—so hopefully there won't be a huge wait for the next chapter. And, of course, now I have a good beat, the updates will be faster. The mood will remain rather dark throughout the story, which will be a change from what my fics are usually like. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and if you did or even if you didn't, I implore you to write me a review. It makes my day. :)


	3. Family Politics

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

Thanks to Shahid who came up with the phrase "family politics". It's the first I've heard of such a term, anyway. As always, thanks to Stacey for beta'ing in record speed.

Lily hurried along the train to the prefect's carriage. She knew she should've been there early, being Head Girl and all, but she had got so side-tracked with Potter that she hadn't even noticed the time. (After Potter's silly comment, Lily had mumbled a lame retort before she saw that her prefect meeting was ten minutes ago. Muttering her excuse, she almost tripped over in her haste to get away.)

At last, she reached the carriage, which, she noted, was full with the old prefects, the sixth- and seventh-years, as well as some new fifth-year faces. She also saw William McCann, who was speaking as she entered, a hamster in its cage at his feet. Everyone looked up.

"Sorry," Lily muttered somewhat unapologetically to Will as she made her way through the cluster of prefects, stowing away her trunk into the luggage rack with a flick of her wand. "Got, er, caught up in something…"

"No problem," Will whispered back, although with only a trace of a smile. Clearly, he had not forgotten their failure of a relationship last year, but at the same time, he obviously didn't want that to interfere with his prefect duties either.

Lily caught Remus Lupin's eye and smiled at him; he grinned back albeit his rather tired and tattered appearance. But Lily had long since overlooked Remus' shabby robes and array of scars for his warm personality—he was the one person in seventh year who had never, ever said a bad word to her, and she could never forget that.

She could not help but notice that the two Slytherin prefects from seventh year were shooting withering glances at her; George Wilkes and Katie Montague wrinkled their noses at Lily, who stared back, silently daring them to say something, anything, to provoke her. She was ready…she had her wand (for a stolen wand, it worked surprisingly well for her), she had fought off two Death Eaters single-handed and emerged relatively unscathed. These cowards were nothing. But they did not rise to the challenge; instead, they looked away, just as William introduced her.

"Right, so this is our new Head Girl, Lily Evans. You probably know her, as she's a very popular person amongst the seventh-years…"

Lily's heart sank as she heard the Slytherin prefects scoff simultaneously. Not that she cared about _their_ opinions. However, there was one person in the seventh year, in Gryffindor, that Lily knew she wasn't so popular with at the moment. In fact, she was dead sure that she was extremely unpopular with Marlene McKinnon's entire family after the calamitous events of the summer.

As Will explained the prefect duties to the fifth-years, Lily tuned out, her mind wandering instead to the desperate letters sent to her almost daily, asking her about the whereabouts of Layla and Jenna McKinnon.

She thought of her increasingly frantic attempts to write back, to try to tell her what had happened on that fateful day. But she couldn't. Try as she might, she just could not put her quill to parchment and explain the events of the summer. Her hands had shook uncontrollably every time she tried to write to her friend, to tell her what had happened, about where she thought the room would be. Not that she knew, anyway.

She had managed to hide her scars with a Concealment Charm, which, although very effective, did not last for very long, meaning that she had to cast it again and again to ensure that it remained hidden. And, if she forgot—God forbid—then she would just have to rely on the length of her sleeves or otherwise face utter humiliation and shame at the ugliness on her wrist.

Lily just hoped that her Memory Charm was strong enough against that bastard. She doubted it; however, because that was the first time she had ever attempted to wipe someone's memories. And she had absolutely no clue about their location, and if they had decided to move the sisters or if they had killed them…

Lily shuddered at the thought. No, she could not think like that. She had to be positive, for the sakes of Layla and Jenna. She didn't know much about what was going on with the McKinnons, either. Marlene's dad had gone into hiding, Marlene had said, leaving her and her mum in the house, which now had every protective enchantment they could think of to keep the two of them safe.

Why did they want him so badly? Was it merely his Muggle-loving, his activism for the rights of Muggleborns? Was that what it was all about? Or was it more than that? Lily knew that Adam McKinnon was a powerful wizard, so maybe the Death Eaters—maybe Voldemort—wanted Mr McKinnon for his prowess in magic? Lily had never taken an interest in the McKinnons' family politics, particularly as her plate was full enough without extra helpings from Lena. But now, it was all Lily could think about.

These questions whirled around her head as Will continued to talk, until at last, Lily was jolted out of her thoughts as the prefects gathered their things and left to be with their respective friends. Lily eagerly followed them, feeling the first pang of hunger since the morning. She hoped that Mary and Marlene had got food from the trolley for her.

However, she was barely out of the door when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She wheeled around, her hand halfway towards her wand, when she froze. It was William. Looking down instinctively, she blinked several times at the sight of his impossibly white trainers, which were so bright they hurt her eyes. They were clearly new and expensive.

"Hi, Lily. Good summer?"

"Not really," she said with a shrug, still looking down.

"Why, what happened?" he asked nonchalantly—as if it didn't really matter, but he was just asking, for the sake of conversation.

Lily thought for a moment. "A lot of things happened," she said slowly. She wasn't meeting his eyes. "Family politics happened, you could say."

She looked up again as he immediately launched into what was clearly a rehearsed speech; Lily realised that he most likely hadn't listened to her reply. "Lily, I just want to let you know that…whatever happened with us last year, I'm sorry. I don't want you to stay angry at me. I'm sorry for what happened. Honest. I hope you can forgive me. Because we've got to work together this year, so I expect I'll be seeing more of you, and for everyone's sake, let's just get along, yeah? I really don't want to lose you, you know?"

"OK," said Lily, trying to sound nonchalant, attempting a smile, but getting slightly unnerved by Will's closeness all the same. He hadn't let go of her shoulder. She could not help but think privately that the less Will saw of her, the better, even if they did have to patrol together at midnight.

Then, without warning, William had leaned towards her, cupped her chin with one hand and pressed his lips against hers. Lily did not even respond; with all her might, she pushed against his chest indignantly and he nearly fell backwards.

William's bright blue eyes looked even brighter as they widened with shock.

"Since when does 'OK' suddenly mean that you have permission to kiss me?" Lily hissed. She was looking around, checking to see if anyone saw what had just happened, but thankfully it seemed as though no one was in their area.

Will looked down in humiliation. "I—I thought you still liked me. I still like you. I always have."

"Well, now you know that you thought wrong. When I said 'It's over' I meant it, McCann. We're not together anymore. Deal with it."

And with that, William was, for once, speechless. With a squeal of new trainers, he walked away to start his first patrol as Head Boy, and Lily watched him go, feeling only a slight pang of guilt which nevertheless added to the burden now weighing down her shoulders.

However, looking down she noticed Will's badge with "H.B" written on it, lying on the floor. _It must've fell off when I pushed him_, Lily thought.

She picked it up, intending to give it to him when she next saw him on the train. She would have to see him sooner or later, Lily conceded, so there was no point beating about the bush with him.

Thankfully, when she reached the compartment next to the prefect's carriage, she found Mary MacDonald and Marlene McKinnon, a pile of food on one of the empty seats.

Mary, upon seeing Lily, barely gave her enough time to say "hi" before she gave her a bear hug which left her gasping. As, at last, she released her, she caught sight of Marlene, who couldn't have looked more moody and devastated at the same time.

"Sit down, we saved you some Pumpkin Pasties," said Mary, gesturing to the seat next to her. She had barely taken two steps towards it when Marlene spoke for the first time since she came. Lily didn't miss the fact that she hadn't even greeted her.

"Actually, Lily, can I talk to you for a minute please?" said Marlene abruptly.

Lily was not altogether surprised at Marlene's request, although she tried to make it seem that way. "Erm…OK." She followed her outside, leaving a bemused Mary by herself.

Marlene's slightly square jaw was set and she looked determined as she took a deep breath and belted out what she had been clearly been bottling inside her for a while.

"Right, Lily, I'm gonna ask you straight out. _Where are they?_"

Lily didn't have to ask who she was talking about. She opened her mouth, intending to tell her everything that had happened, when something very odd occurred. Her tongue curled up so she couldn't speak, and for a second she felt like she was going to throw up.

However, the moment passed and, after a slightly revolted look from Marlene, Lily managed to stammer, "L-layla—" before her tongue rolled up again. What the hell was going on?

And then the penny dropped. Lily actually let out a gasp as she realised what was happening. Evidently, the Death Eaters had placed a Tongue-Tying Curse on Lily, so she couldn't speak about what had happened. And obviously, there was no way she could write anything about it, because she had tried doing that almost every day of the remainder of the summer, and it had not worked.

When at last Lily's tongue unrolled again, Marlene was looking suspicious.

"What the hell's wrong with you?"

"I…I th-think it's a—a T-t-tongue T-tying C-curse," Lily stammered. "Th-they must've did it…"

"Who's 'they'?"

"I—I can't say, Lena. I really can't." Lily felt so awful at that moment that she was tempted to scream the secret for the whole world to hear.

If she could. Which she couldn't.

Marlene looked like she was going to explode, but Lily took her hands into hers. "Lena. Lena, please. You have got to understand. I just…I just can't say. I'm so, so sorry. You've got no idea about how sorry I am, honestly."

She didn't say anything in response. She just looked into Lily's face as she listened to her pleas to understand, that there would be no way of telling her what had happened—when Marlene finally tugged her hands out of Lily's grasp and spat, "Fine. If you're gonna be like that, fine. I thought I could come to you when I needed help. I thought that of all the people in the world, you'd at least be here for me. But no. You couldn't be bothered to answer my letters over the summer and now you're pulling some kind of joke to try to make me believe that you can't say? That you're sorry? A Tongue-Tying Curse? That's bullshit. As if. So you know what? Fuck you, Lily Evans. God help whoever else you decide to land in the shit."

She turned on her heel and was about to walk in the other direction when she turned back at the sound of Lily's voice. "Marlene!" Lily called, feeling a lump form in her throat as she spoke.

Lily could see something that looked scarily like hatred in her eyes as Marlene spun around and, without warning, she slapped Lily's face, her hand landing on Lily's lightly freckled cheek. The blow was so loud that half the people in the surrounding compartments stuck their heads out of the windows to see what was going on.

But this time, Marlene walked off and did not turn back. She barged past Aiden Avery, who was standing outside their compartment, watching the argument with interest.

Lily, strangely enough, was not crying.

"What are you all staring at?" she half-yelled at some second-years nearest her. They retreated immediately; slowly, the other bystanders who had come out of their compartments to see what was going on lost interest and got back to doing whatever they were doing.

"Family politics," Lily muttered under her breath. "That's what this is all about. Fucking family politics."

Right at the other end of the train, James Potter was losing.

He had never been particularly good at Wizard Chess. Neither had his mum or dad. He just wasn't one for planning ahead, for seeing the whole board, so it was no wonder that he was unable to get a checkmate.

Or, maybe, he just hated knowing what came next.

"Checkmate!" said Peter triumphantly, his watery blue eyes watching James for his reaction. But James was used to being beaten when it came to chess. Wormtail was never the best in any subject, but he was always the best chess player out of the Marauders. Often, they would tease him, saying that that showed he was the sly one out of the four of them, the one always plotting evil things.

James flicked his wand at his chess pieces so they flew into their box, leaning back and stretching just as the compartment door opened and Remus came in.

"Hi," he said wearily, taking the seat next to Sirius. "All right, Paddy?"

Sirius grinned. "Not bad," he replied, offering him a Chocolate Frog. "Life's been pretty good, actually, when you've got your own flat." He smiled lazily, handsomely, eating a Frog too. "How was patrol, Moony? Anything eventful happen?"

"Not really. It was OK. Same old, same old. Only, it seems everyone's a bit better behaved this year."

"I don't like it," Wormtail admitted. "It was better when no one gave a crap about You-Know-Who. But now…I looked around today and everyone seemed so…down! I mean, I know we're in a war and all, but seriously, would it kill you to look a bit more cheerful for once?"

"The thing is, Wormy," snapped James, looking slightly annoyed, "some people don't feel like being happy at the moment. So, Remus, Evans is Head Girl?"

Sirius and Peter exchanged a look; what had happened to make James so snappy today?

"What's wrong with you, Grumpy?"

"Family politics," James replied shortly.

Remus frowned, both at the change of subject and James' brusque reply. "And in answer to your question, James, yeah, she is. I always knew she would be. To be honest, though, she didn't really say much. Will did most of the talking. And she didn't exactly set a very good example to us lot by coming late."

"Lily Evans, late? What a rare phenomenon!" Sirius snorted. Peter let out a squeaky, mouse-like snigger.

"Snivellus say anything to you yet?" Sirius asked James.

He shook his head. "I'm quite surprised actually…I expected the slimeball to have a go at me for looking at Evans today."

"Looks like he was being a good boy too, then."

"People change," said Remus mildly. At their expressions, he asked James and Sirius, "You're not telling me that you guys are still going to be hexing him for no reason this year?"

James sat up. "Moony, mate. I may not be as intelligent as you but one thing I know for sure is that Snivellus Snape will never change from his evil, Death Eater ways. I'm sorry, but it's not going to happen."

"You didn't answer his question, Prongs," Peter piped up.

"I'm not in the mood for that anyway," James said miserably. "Don't worry, Wormtail, Moony. I'll try my best with Snape, and if I do hex him, I owe all three of you ten Galleons each. How's that? Our little bet. And if I don't hex him, at the end of the year all three of you owe me ten Galleons. Each."

"You're going to be broke by the time we get off the train," Peter told him laughingly.

"Unless James can keep his wand in his jeans when Snape, Mulciber and Avery go past our compartment—which _I_ bet ten Galleons they will," Remus muttered.

"Can we stop talking about such depressing people, please?" Sirius said loudly. There was a squeaking sound and the foursome looked up.

"Who's so depressing?" said William as he slid open the compartment door. "Hi, guys."

"Hey, Will, how was your summer?" asked Sirius. "Here—sit down—" He cleared the growing mountain of wrappers beside him by pointing his wand at the mess and muttering, "Evanesco!" The rubbish vanished.

"I'm all right, mate, I just wanted to nick a Frog and then I've got to patrol again," he said importantly. (James could've sworn that Will's chest actually inflated an inch as he spoke.) He took one from the small pile near James and munched on it hungrily.

"So who's so depressing you've got to stop talking about them?" he asked.

"Snape," James said at once. "Oily bastard."

"Ah. I see. I have to say, it is pretty depressing, the fact that he always looks like he needs to wash his hair," laughed William, running his hand through his own blond spikes.

He was interrupted by his hamster, which was making little squeaky sounds as if he wanted to be fed. "Damn you, Garland," he muttered.

Peter looked down at the small rodent, a smile playing on his mousey features.

"New pet?" Remus enquired. They hadn't seen the hamster before in their dormitory. Will nodded.

"Early birthday present. I don't think Garland would appreciate being sent by owl tomorrow, so Mum just gave him now."

"If he wants feeding, you can leave him with us," he offered. The other three laughed quietly to themselves. Peter had found a friend.

"Are you sure?" said Will.

"Yeah…after all, Pete's always had a weird liking for…shall we say, _mousey_ pets," said Sirius, barely able to conceal his own broad grin.

William got up. "OK, I'll leave him to you. His food's here—" he held up a packet of Hamster Treats, "and I'll come back and get him at seven, all right?"

"See you later," the Marauders chorused.

"Wormy's got a new friend," Sirius sang.

Peter stayed silent; the only sign that he had heard Sirius' jibe was his middle finger, which was pointing upwards in Sirius' direction.

James couldn't resist. "There's no need to get ratty, Pete."

After her first two-hour long patrol—she had silently passed William, who was heading in the opposite direction—Lily finally returned to her compartment. Admittedly, she first Disillusioned herself and checked whether Marlene was there or not, before performing the counter-charm and rejoining Mary, who was with Alice Wilkes and Davina Raji. They were both in their year, in Hufflepuff.

Lily was grateful that Mary gave no sign that she had seen what had happened earlier with Marlene, instead talking about their summers as usual. Davina had been to India with her parents and, fortunately for Lily, she had plenty to say about her trip, leaving Lily ample time to look like she was listening, when really she was pondering miserably about Marlene's behaviour.

She thought she would understand. Lena had never been one to pick a fight so Lily was baffled at her refusal to even listen to what Lily had to say, which, concededly, wasn't much.

And she could hardly believe that the Death Eaters had Tongue-Tied her like that! Granted, it wasn't exactly that much of a difficult spell, but it complicated matters so much.

Because now, she was trapped. She couldn't say anything to anyone, the Death Eaters made sure of that. And Layla and Jenna would have to suffer in silence, all because of her…

Yet, in all the time that Lily, Layla and Jenna were in the cell, Lily had clung to the belief that they would let them go. She had thought—stupidly, yes—she had assumed that because they were not revealing their identities, it wouldn't do them any harm to just release them.

And where the hell was Mr McKinnon? She knew him, Lily knew him pretty well, in fact. He was a nice man, yet you could sense his clout from a mile away. Not once, in the six years that she had known him, had he ever struck Lily as the kind of person to just go into hiding like some kind of coward. He seemed too powerful for that. Yet he had, just when his daughters needed him the most.

It seemed like no time at all that the sky had darkened. Having already changed into her robes at home, she left Mary, Alice and Davina in the compartment to do a final round of the train, breaking up an argument about who ripped whose robes (Lily mended them in a trice) and giving some fifth-year prefects instructions on what to do after the feast with the new first-years. She was looking for Will, so she could give him back his Head Boy badge, something she had forgotten to do when she had bumped into him earlier on. She had a feeling he might be in a compartment with James and his friends, so she kept her eyes peeled for the quartet.

It was only in one of the furthest compartments that she found them at last. Will wasn't there. She gave a sigh; where the hell had he got to?

She decided to ask them where he was anyway.

"Hi, Remus, guys," she greeted them, not bothered to address the rest of them. The four of them were in their robes; Sirius was yawning and James and Peter were on their hands and knees, searching for something underneath the seats. They looked up briefly as Lily opened their door. But before she could say anything, Peter, from below, let out a triumphant, "Gotcha!"

"Found him," he panted as he emerged from underneath the seat. "Bloody hell, I'm never gonna look after any of Will's pets ever again and I don't give a shit about how friendly they look…"

"Have you seen William anywhere?" Lily asked Remus brusquely, ignoring Peter completely.

He nodded. "But that was hours ago. He said he was going to patrol and he would come back—" Remus checked his watch—"around now, actually. Just hang about around here, I'm sure you'll catch him."

"OK, thanks," said Lily gratefully. "See you later," she said to the other three.

"Yeah, bye," Sirius, Peter and James said together.

"D'you think Will's going to get back with Lily?" said James to his friends a few minutes after Lily left. He tried to say it in a careless way, but they could see that he was really itching to know.

"I doubt it, mate," said Sirius quickly.

"Yeah, she told me that Will's a nice guy, just not her type. Too…hair-gelly, I think she said," Remus told James.

"He does use a lot of the stuff," sniggered Peter.

"How do you know, anyway?" James demanded. He found it extremely hard to believe that Remus was on such good terms with Evans that he actually got letters from her.

"Oh, she wrote to me a couple of times over the summer," Remus said airily, as if it was of no importance. James opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but before he could, Lily came in again.

"Seriously, where is Will? I'm sure we're nearly there as it is."

"If you want, I'll look for him with you," James suggested. "I've got to give him Garland as well—his hamster," he added, at Lily's confused expression. "The little bastard isn't staying here a second longer, he's pissed us off that much."

Garland was the Marauders' only distraction, as, despite Remus' bet, Snape, Mulciber and Avery had decided against venturing to the foursome's compartment. James was desperate to get out of there, having been stuck there for most of the journey.

Lily considered for a moment, disregarding his comment, before nodding. "All right then." James got up and followed her out.

They walked together in silence, but unlike the many times with Will, the absence of speaking was not uncomfortable. She had thought that such close proximity to Potter would annoy her, but it didn't. In fact, his warm presence comforted her somehow.

Every now and then Lily would stick her head into a compartment with sixth- or seventh-years in it, enquiring about Will. Everyone told her that they had no idea where he was. The exception was the compartment with Diana Williams, Zoey Rai and Marlene McKinnon, who were deep in conversation and did not look up as Lily passed.

They moved on, going from compartment to compartment, avoiding the Slytherins' compartment—it wasn't as if they would be much help and neither Lily nor James were in the mood for Severus Snape.

They kept this up until they reached the compartment at the very end of the train, which was, strangely enough, completely empty.

"No one in there," said James wearily, shutting the glass door after a quick glance inside. "Let's go…" He set off, only to stop when he realised that Lily was not with him.

She was standing stock still, even as the train was moving steadily, staring through the glass at the vacant compartment.

"Evans?" he said, disconcerted. "Evans? What's the matter?"

She remained completely silent, her mouth opening and closing, yet no sound was coming out. It was as if the Tongue-Tying Curse was on her again. After pursing her lips together determinedly, she tried again to speak.

"Come here," whispered Lily finally. She still had not taken her eyes off the compartment.

"What's wrong?"

He reached her in three strides. She pointed with a shaking hand in front of her.

James froze too. "Evans," he breathed. "Evans…is that a _foot?_"

"Yeah," said Lily quietly. She could recognise those trainers anywhere.

James' eyes travelled slowly upwards; the foot didn't seem to belong to anyone, until with a gasp of horror he noticed a hand as well, lying limply against the seat. He kept looking, higher and higher up, searching for another trace of whatever this was. It didn't look good at all, and it was made even worse as, with a sharp intake of breath, he discerned a tongue—without a mouth to come out of, without a chin, nothing—just a solitary tongue.

Unbidden, an eye materialised out of nowhere, and at this point, James could feel that wherever this was leading, it was going to become more and more sinister, so, like a coward, James shut his eyes tight.

The silence became louder as the train rattled on relentlessly, the eeriness of it all becoming more and more apparent the longer the involuntary hush stretched on.

At last, he found the will to speak, his eyes still closed.

"Fuck." Shock had rendered James incoherent; or, at least, to the point when the only words out of his mouth were swear words.

"You…you could say that," Lily said faintly.

James tried again, tried to ask an actual question this time. "D'you—d'you know whose foot it is?" His voice was embarrassingly yet sinisterly high.

"Yeah," Lily repeated. Her voice was even higher than James'. "It's—it's Will's foot."

And then she let out a terrible, ear-splitting, blood-curdling scream.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Dun dun dun! What did you think? That I was going to let Will live? By the way, in response to a NAQ (Never Asked Question) there's a reason why James wasn't chosen as Head Boy. I just don't think Dumbledore would've chosen him, so...well, I'll let you find out later!


	4. Murder On The Hogwarts Express

_INCIDENT ON THE HOGWARTS EXPRESS_

An incident has occurred on the Hogwarts Express during the students' journey to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The students faced some inconvenience upon arriving at Hogsmeade Station. However, there seems to be no known casualties as a result of this incident and all students appeared to have travelled to Hogwarts as normal.

Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts, has refused to comment.

"There you are, Padfoot. I knew they would mention it somewhere." James tore out the item and stuffed into his pocket, Vanishing the rest of the newspaper with a wave of his wand. "'Incident on the Hogwarts Express'…more like bloody 'Murder on the Hogwarts Express', for God's sake."

It was Monday. The school was buzzing with the news of the murder, and most of the students and even some of the teachers sported fearful looks as they went about the Hall.

"And what's with this 'Some inconvenience?'" Sirius repeated in disgust, staring at the place on the table where _The Daily Prophet_ had vanished. "_'Some inconvenience?'_ Are they trying to be funny or something?'"

"They obviously didn't want to make a big deal out of it, otherwise people would be pulling their kids out of Hogwarts faster than you can say Avada Kedavra," commented Peter, yawning as he sipped his coffee.

"That's not funny, Pete," Sirius said, with an uncharacteristically stern look on his face.

"And that hasn't stopped some people pulling their kids out," Remus interjected quickly, before Peter had a chance to retort defensively. "Gail Gudgeon just told me that her parents have owled her; they want her to come home."

"But surely it's safer here, at Hogwarts?" said Peter, puzzled. "Aren't we in more danger at home than at school?"

"Yeah, but not when we've got a killer on the loose, Wormtail," James told him patiently. He looked around the Great Hall, his eyes lingering on the seventh-year Slytherins — Mulciber, Avery, Snape, Wilkes and Rosier — uncertainly. "Maybe we _are_ better off at home."

"We already _have_ a killer on the loose outside Hogwarts," Wormtail argued. "It's You-Know-Who. What difference would it make, being at home?"

"True," said James somewhat wearily, not bothered to carry on the argument any further.

They looked up at the enchanted ceiling, watching the grey clouds slowly move in depressing-looking swirls, occasionally showing a tiny patch of blue sky. The owls were still swooping down; everyone seemed to be getting more post today, presumably about the murder. It didn't matter that the only official announcement of it, in _The Daily Prophet_, barely took up a square inch of the newspaper. The power of gossip and rumours in the Wizarding world — specifically, Wizarding Britain — spread news far better than any newsprint could ever do.

"So are you sure you didn't see anything?" Peter asked for the twentieth time that morning.

But James wasn't listening; he was still shaken by what he had seen and was in no mood to discuss it. For he had lived with William McCann, had been his roommate for the last six years, had complained about his snoring and messiness and everything else that was wrong with him, so he was utterly gobsmacked at the sight of his lifeless body, badly concealed with a poorly performed Vanishing Spell.

Why him?

At the other end of the table, Lily was eating toast, lost in her own thoughts, thinking exactly the same question as James. Why William? Why not anyone else? He had done nothing to deserve murder. Nothing at all. So why him?

Lily felt a pang of remorse as she remembered the last words they had exchanged. She had been so goddamn rude to him…and she hadn't even had a chance to apologise. There was a sickening feeling in her heart which she knew would never truly leave her.

If only she could've just said sorry, then Will wouldn't have died rejected. It wasn't fair. None of it was fair.

Once they had arrived at Hogwarts (transported by Thestrals, whose sudden appearances scared the life out of Lily), there was a feast, yeah, but half the teachers were missing from the table, including Dumbledore himself, and there was no air of happiness at seeing friends again or annoyance that classes would commence the next day.

No, the only emotion in the air that night amongst the students was fear.

Not that she would know. Barely a minute after they had arrived, James and Lily were taken to Dumbledore's office, where they recounted everything they had witnessed, right down to where they had found Will's body.

Lily had kept silent about Will accosting her after the prefects' meeting; yet when James had finished telling Dumbledore about how the Vanishing Spell seemed to be wearing off when they had arrived, the headmaster gave her one of those piercing looks of his which gave Lily the feeling of being x-rayed. It was like he was seeing right through her as he asked quietly, "Do you have anything to add to what Mr Potter has told me, Miss Evans? Anything else you had seen? Something Mr McCann had said or done which may give us some indication as to who killed him?"

She had hesitated for only a few seconds before replying, looking directly into his eyes as she did so, "N-no, sir. That's it." The headmaster's bright blue gaze had lingered on Lily for a few seconds too much, in Lily's opinion, and she could see the beginnings of a frown forming on his forehead.

"The same to you, Mr Potter?" Dumbledore had finally turned to James, who shook his head at once.

"No, sir. That's all I know."

"Very well," Dumbledore had said, although more kindly. "Let me know if you remember anything. I am very sorry you have had to witness this ordeal and I sincerely hope that nothing of this nature ever occurs again at Hogwarts. You may go back to your dormitories, although I daresay you would like a bite to eat before bed, so drop by the kitchens and I'm sure the elves will be happy to give you some food. Mr Potter knows how to get in." He had given them both a nod, which they took for dismissal, and the pair stood up and made to leave.

"Miss Evans?" he'd said quietly, a moment later, as Lily's hand reached the doorknob.

"Yes, Professor?" After a moment of hesitation, she had walked to his desk again, stood behind her recently vacated chair.

James had looked uncertainly at Professor Dumbledore, unsure as to whether or not he should stay or wait outside. With a brief inclination of Dumbledore's head, James nodded before he opened the door and exited the office.

"Are you sure that there is not…anything you wish to tell me?" he asked softly.

Lily stared into the headmaster's eyes for a few seconds — there was more than curiosity in his expression. In fact, unless she was very much mistaken, she was seeing — it couldn't be — empathy?

"Miss Evans?" Dumbledore said again; his blue eyes flickered and the expression was gone, to be replaced with an intently searching look.

"I'm — I'm sure, sir. There's nothing else I can remember. If I do, I'll make sure you're the first to know," Lily said firmly. She turned to leave. "Goodnight, Professor," she bade him politely.

"Goodnight, Miss Evans."

She left the office to find Professor McGonagall waiting outside along with James. With a nod in her direction, Lily led the way to the staircase as McGonagall opened Dumbledore's door. She was grateful for the fact that James didn't ask about Dumbledore's aside with her; he seemed determined to go to the kitchens. They didn't talk about anything they had just witnessed; instead, they discussed mundane subjects like the prospect of lessons tomorrow, and what sort of food the elves would provide them with.

When they had reached the kitchens, the elves scrambled for food at the mere sight of James, who managed a grateful smile at the elves as he and Lily sat down. As soon as James' favourite elf, Twinkle, had set down two bowls of butternut squash soup, a plate of bread and a couple of Butterbeers in front of Lily and James, he bowed and exited, leaving them alone at the table.

For a few minutes, the only sounds were the clinking of spoons and the soft tearing of the crusty bread as they ate. The silence between them was, again, comfortable, until at last James broke it.

"There's going to be an investigation with the Ministry. McGonagall just told me."

Lily scoffed. "As if they're going to actually find the killer. The Ministry is full of Death Eaters. Or, at least, people who've been Imperiused. The only question is, is Vancelot the puppeteer or is he the actual puppet on the string?"

"Either way, Voldemort's behind it." James took a swig of his Butterbeer, feeling a lot fuller, his mind becoming clearer with the help of the drink.

"Why did it have to be him?" said Lily, more to herself than to James. The injustice of it all pissed her off too much. There was hardly going to be more than an inquiry, and even that would be half-hearted. And of course, no one would go to Azkaban or anything like that. Surely not.

She was surprised to feel a warm hand on her cheek; James had leaned across the table with the sincerest look on his face that he had ever had, his thumb brushing a spot on her face near her mouth. And it seemed to light up his features, even in the candlelight: the corners of his mouth were turned upwards into a determined grimace that — damn it — was so attractive to her; his eyes seemed to glow as he gazed unblinkingly at her and she noticed a muscle dilating in his jaw. His expression was one of so many things: of hurt and love and anger and outrage.

For one wild, momentous second Lily thought he might kiss her; but this didn't bother her in the slightest as she gazed back at him, the green eyes meeting the hazel. Clearly, however, it was her imagination because after that second, he actually blushed and looked away, removing his hand as he sat down again when he realised he was out of his seat. James hadn't even said anything to Lily, yet they had felt this…this _connection,_ and neither of them knew why.

"Er, Evans, you…um, you had a, er…a breadcrumb on your cheek. And I, er…I just took it off."

And, just as suddenly, the spell broke as the silence did — to be replaced by momentary awkwardness in James' haste to explain himself — and the squeaky voice of the Head Chef Elf, Twinkle.

"Would Master James and Miss Lily like more soup, or perhaps some stew — ?"

James had been so preoccupied with what had happened the previous day that it was only then that he noticed that they had a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher yet again. The one they had in sixth-year, Professor Blythe, had apparently gone on a permanent maternity leave. (And the one before that had left at the end of the year because of his wife dying and the one before that was sacked and the one before that died mysteriously over the summer. No one was counting, though.)

She was a tall woman with dark red-brown hair and eyes that seemed to change colour every few minutes, so James was never truly sure about whether they were green, blue, grey or brown. The professor had a few freckles that were nevertheless nothing on Molly Prewett's, who had been two years above him when they were at school, but she had a certain strict air about her that made James think of Professor McGonagall.

"I'm Professor Frensham and I'll be your Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher for this year," she introduced herself after taking the register, surprising everyone with her thick Cockney accent. "This, for those 'oo 'aven't no'iced, is your final NEWT year, so I expect a couple of fings from you, OK? First one's respect. It's pre'y simple: you respect me, I respect you. It ain't rocket science, people. And the second one is maturi'ty. You lot are all seven'een or eigh'een so I expect maturi'y, none of the messin' around you did when you was younger. 'Cause this is an impor'ant subject, OK, so I expect you to take it seriously, go' it?"

Her words were greeted with silence.

"I didn't hear you. Go' it?" she said again.

"Yes," the class chorused somewhat dismally.

"Gimme a 'Yes, Professor Frensham'," Frensham said, the beginnings of a smirk forming on the corners of her mouth.

"Yes, Professor Frensham," they said in unison, the group's voices a dull monotone. James rolled his eyes from where he sat, at the back of the classroom, with Remus, Sirius and Peter. This woman was starting to piss him off already.

"Let's get star'ed, then. We'll do Patronuses today. Just to recap on what you've been doing last year, then we'll move on to something else. It's not the last of it, though — we'll be revisiting the topic later on in the year too. You won't need the quills or books today. Just your wands." An amount of shuffling ensued as everyone repacked their bags. "'ard stuff, Patronuses, let me tell you. OK, 'oo's gonna be my volun'eer? I want you to demonstra'e the correct use of the Patronus charm. You shoulda learnt the basics in sixth year, so let's see how well you learn' it, yeah? Oh, and twen'y points to whichever 'ouse the person's in."

She looked around the room, her chameleon-like eyes fixing on Lily, who was sitting at the very front desk. "You," she said, pointing at her. "The one with the red 'air." She glanced at her register. "Evans, init? Lily Evans?"

She nodded, looking rather worried. James was confused; Lily was never nervous in a Defence lesson. What was wrong?

"Come on, then. Let's see what you can do." Professor Frensham even gave her an encouraging smile, a first for the entire class. Lily, however, bit her lip anxiously.

Then he remembered: when it came to Patronuses, Lily was lousy. There was no other way to describe it. It seemed to be the only spell she had trouble with and he had no idea why.

But the fact remained that she couldn't do it.

"Actually, Professor," James interrupted loudly, to the surprise of the entire class, "Can I do it?"

"'Course you can, Mr…"

"Potter," James supplied, bestowing a small grin to Lily, who gave him a reluctant thumbs-up. "I just feel I'm not the best when it comes to Patronuses," he half-lied. (It wasn't a complete lie. He _wasn't_ the best in the class at Defence Against The Dark Arts; that was Moony, hands down. But he was definitely a strong contender for second place. And he most certainly knew how to cast a Patronus well.)

"OK, Mr Po'er, go ahead." Professor Frensham sat down and gestured for him to come to the front of the classroom. At the same time, Peter had to stifle his sniggers as Sirius imitated Frensham's pronunciation of James's name.

He stood up (with slightly unsteady footing, courtesy of a playful shove from Sirius) and went to the front. Rolling up his sleeves for good measure, he thought of that moment with Lily last night, how close he was…taking a deep breath, he said loudly, "_Expecto Patronum!_"

Lily was seriously considering dropping Defence Against The Dark Arts — the teacher seemed good enough, but she couldn't bear doing Patronuses all over again — when, surprisingly, James came to her rescue.

He couldn't stop himself from being ever so slightly cocky, though.

"I just feel I'm not the best when it comes to Patronuses," he said, a smirk lingering on his features for just a second.

He just had to take the piss out of her, didn't he? That stupid, arrogant, handsome, intelligent, humble git. She hated him, yet she didn't. Argh! She didn't know what she was thinking. Full stop.

Lily was rubbish at conjuring a Patronus. She'd only got an 'E' in DADA last year because of her theory which made up for the lack in practical skills. It was one of the few spells where you needed more than a spoken incantation and wand movement. You needed something emotionally. The Patronus Charm was one of the two spells that she was absolutely shit at — along with _Riddikulus_ — and that was third-year stuff!

It didn't help that she was feeling like shit too. Marlene still wasn't talking to her. Admittedly, it had only been a day, but it had felt like the longest day Lily had ever experienced. Whenever Lily approached her that day between lessons or at lunch or break time, Lena would just walk away.

She watched as James' stag Patronus cantered impressively around the classroom and went behind Lily's seat; she turned around and reached out absent-mindedly to try to stroke it, and it remained in that spot for a second, before it walked gracefully next to James again. As she did so, Lily caught Lena's eye from where she was sitting at the desk behind her, her arm still outstretched. Lily attempted a sheepish smile, but it was as if the muscles in her face were unable to remember how to, and Marlene merely glared at her in return. Hurt, Lily looked away, trying to swallow what seemed to be a permanent lump in her throat.

She only just registered that the class, minus the three Slytherins, Snape, Mulciber and Avery, was applauding James as the stag dissolved into the air, and hurriedly joined in as the last claps faded away.

Over the next few weeks, although the imminence of death and danger lessened somewhat, Lily was subjected to several outbreaks of muttering as she passed by Slytherins, and even some Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, as well as, of course, Marlene, Zoey and Diana, who seemed united to determinedly cold-shoulder Lily for the rest of the term. All three of them threw her dirty looks and whispered about her when they knew she was looking. She doubted that they knew the real reason why Marlene was so angry at Lily, however, because if they did, Lily was sure that Diana and Zoey would've asked her about it by now.

The only real friend that Lily had left was Mary MacDonald, and even she wasn't there all the time due to their different timetables. Thankfully, Mary wasn't the probing type, so she didn't bother asking about Lily's and Marlene's argument. Instead, she talked to Lily about ordinary things, like boys and their lessons and makeup and whatever else a normal seventeen-year-old was meant to talk about.

Lily was grateful that, as Head Girl, she was entitled to her own bedroom, which meant that she could at least avoid Marlene, Zoey and Diana most of the time. But then, maybe, it would've been better if she was forced to be in the same dormitory with her; then perhaps Lena would actually be willing to talk, so they could sort it out.

_If_ she could sort it out. Which she doubted.

A couple of weeks after his first Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson, James was struggling in a Herbology greenhouse, when, suddenly, a winged envelope zoomed in through the open door. Not that he had noticed, however; he was too busy trying to prise his dragon-hide gloved fingers out of the Venomous Tentacula's grasp. He had only just done so when Professor Sprout called his name.

"Mr Potter, Professor Dumbledore would like a word in his office now, please," she half-shouted over the noises the plants were making which mingled with the students' voices, thus making the volume louder than ever in the greenhouse.

James nodded, pulling off his gloves in relief, when he heard Sirius from behind him. He could hear the smirk in his voice even before James saw it.

"Yeah, go on, Mr Po'er." Peter and Sirius burst out laughing; they still thought that their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher's accent was hilariously funny, and they had been teasing him about it ever since that lesson.

"Piss off," James said good-naturedly enough.

"Yeah, shut up, guys. Seriously, it's not that funny," Remus insisted, although he was smiling.

Picking up his bag, James waved at his friends and was about to leave when Professor Sprout handed him the envelope.

"It has the password in it, Potter," she informed him secretively, turning her back on the class for a moment.

"Cheers, Professor," James muttered. He left just as he heard a loud thump — no doubt the courtesy of Sirius, Peter and perhaps Remus, probably chucking something at Professor Sprout for the fun of it — and sure enough, even though by that time, there was a reasonable distance between James and the greenhouse he was working in, he could hear her yells as clearly as if she had used the _Sonorus_ charm.

Grinning broadly, he continued walking, through the grounds, reaching the castle, where he opened the envelope and found a letter with curly, slanted writing on it. Clearly, Professor Sprout had wiped the parchment clean, or maybe it was just enchanted that way. There were just five words written on it, in the centre of the parchment: _Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans._

James laughed out loud at Dumbledore's choice of password (or, rather, sweet). He halted in his tracks as he realised what their meeting must be about. Something must have happened about William, maybe the Ministry were here, and wanted to talk to him…?

He didn't know. It made no sense, especially because Lily wasn't being called too. But perhaps the Ministry didn't just want to interview Lily again. Maybe they just wanted him. They had already gone over the routine questions once, the day after lessons began. James didn't like being interrogated, as much as the officials from the Ministry had pretended otherwise. As usual, they seemed determined to find the murderer, but everyone knew that the crime rate in Wizarding Britain was the highest in the whole world now, with Voldemort getting stronger by the day. And, with such a faithful band of followers who were increasing, as well as many other magical creatures at his disposal, it was a miracle the deaths weren't occurring more frequently at Hogwarts. And, even if they were, it didn't look like any of them were going to be solved any time soon.

At least, if the Ministry wasn't here, Dumbledore obviously wanted to talk to him about William's death. Of what, he was unsure. Two weeks had gone without any more interludes with the headmaster, which was a phenomenon in itself — normally, the Marauders would find themselves being told off by Dumbledore yet again — but it seemed that James' friends had decided to behave themselves this year.

Finally, James found himself in front of the gargoyle, ever-familiar after six years of being brought here by one teacher or another. However, he had never been here alone before. Several seconds passed and he realised what he had to do. Clearing his throat quite unnecessarily, he said loudly, "Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans!"

With a groan of the gargoyle, the staircase began to move, and James stepped onto to it, shutting his eyes to avoid the dizziness as the stairs spiralled. At last, as it came to a halt, James opened his eyes and stepped off the stairs, knocking on the door. He could not help but hear the multitude of voices coming from inside, which worried him — what if the Ministry people really were in there?

"Come in," said Dumbledore's voice from inside.

James opened the door, entering the office. He was surprised to find the room empty, except for himself and Dumbledore. Where did all those voices come from?

"Ah, Mr Potter," smiled Dumbledore over his interlocked fingers. "Take a seat, please." The headmaster pointed his wand at a chair, which moved backwards a few inches. James obeyed, sitting down, his hands shaking nervously.

"So, have you been enjoying your first few weeks of school?"

"Erm…yeah, I suppose so, sir." James didn't tell him about how Lily had been avoiding everyone and had been giving abrupt, monosyllabic answers every time he tried talking to her. Or how weird it was, to have an empty bed in James' dormitory, when for six years on end he had complained about William leaving his smelly socks lying around everywhere and how he never changed his sheets and all sorts of other minor, insignificant things which really didn't seem to matter, now that he was gone.

Somehow, however, James could tell that Dumbledore knew that he was lying; perhaps it was just the headmaster's penetrating stares. Nevertheless, Dumbledore didn't press him, instead focusing on the matter at hand.

"Good, good. Well, I might as well get straight to it, Mr Potter. Since the…passing of the Head Boy, I have had a bit of a problem. You see, Mr Potter, I need a new Head Boy. Miss Evans cannot possibly cope managing the prefects all on her own."

"And you want _me_ to do it? Sir?" James added hastily. He was shocked; of all things, he didn't expect that. James Potter, Head Boy? Sirius would never even believe him. Neither would Wormtail.

"Yes, I want you to do it. You were my second choice after Mr McCann anyway. Is that OK with you?" The headmaster was watching him intently.

"I don't know, Professor."

"What don't you know?" he asked gently.

"I don't think I've got the…the qualities you're looking for." He just found it difficult to imagine. It was like Sirius being a prefect or Remus being stupid or Peter being top of the class. It just didn't happen.

"You showed greatly mature qualities that night, on the train," Dumbledore told James firmly. "I was impressed with the improvement in your behaviour so far this year. I haven't heard about even one detention yet, which is a record in itself—"

"No, sir, please," James pleaded. He didn't want to hear about how he had changed.

"What's wrong?"

"I — I can't. I won't. It was Will's job, not mine. Ask someone else. Ask Remus, hell, even ask Sirius if you really want…" He had no idea what he was saying; all he knew was that if anyone had to replace William, it most definitely would not be him. "I saw his body, Professor. I saw my friend…for six years, he's been my roommate…and I had to be the one who discovered his body. I can't just…take over."

"Don't you think that William would have wanted it?" asked Dumbledore softly.

"But I'm not even a good leader."

"Aren't you?"

"No."

"I think that those, like you, when you have leadership thrust upon you, taking up the mantle only because you must, find that you wear it surprisingly well."

"Really?"

"Of course. It takes a lot to be able to even think straight after seeing the corpse of your friend," Dumbledore said rather baldly.

"But I didn't have a choice—"

"Didn't you, Mr Potter? I rather think you did. You could have easily left the body there and only told someone when you arrived at school, but you didn't. You chose to be the leader. You chose to tell the prefects what had happened, to keep the first-years calm until they reached the boats. You chose to."

"But anyone could've—"

But Dumbledore interrupted him yet again. "So I found it rather impressive that you kept a cool head, you alerted the appropriate people, didn't make a scene of things, made sure Miss Evans was all right — all of which I expect the Head Boy to do."

This was greeted by silence. So he continued, "Alas, if it is not your wish to be Head Boy, I am sure I can find another candidate who will be all too happy to carry out this role. Perhaps I can even persuade Mr Lupin to—"

"No, sir." James interrupted Dumbledore this time. "I'll — I'll do it."

"You will?" Dumbledore asked with a surprised smile.

"Yeah," said James slowly. "I'll be Head Boy…for Will."

"Well done, Mr Potter. Spoken like a true Gryffindor."


	5. Vendettas, Vexation and Vindictus Viridi

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

Many thanks to Stacey for beta'ing and for telling Potter off for his profanity problems.

The first prefect meeting of the year took place a week later than usual; it had been postponed because of the events on September the first.

The last person Lily expected to see, however, was James. He had arrived ten minutes early in the prefects' common room, which was located on the fifth floor along with their special bathroom. It was a cosy room, with the warmness of the Gryffindor common room yet with all four houses' hangings draping from the windows. There were sofas and chairs and pouffes, with small tables scattered here and there; squashy, chintz chairs surrounded one round table made of light brown wood in the middle of the room. It was a pleasant place to have a meeting; then again, the prefects were privileged in a lot of aspects of their lives, not just their common room.

"What're you doing here?" asked Lily with a frown as she sat in the seat directly opposite to James across the round table. "How did you know the password? You're not a prefect."

_Hello to you too,_ James felt like saying to her. But he didn't, because as Head Boy, he knew he needed to exercise self-control.

"Erm…actually, Evans, I didn't get a chance to tell you…"

"Tell me what?" Her tone was suspicious, yet wary, as if her worst fears had come true. As James stalled, wondering how best to broach the subject, Lily stamped her foot impatiently. "Tell me what?" she repeated.

"Dumbledore — Dumbledore chose me to be Head Boy." James watched carefully for her reaction.

Lily only hesitated for a second; then she muttered, reluctantly, "Congratulations. You told your parents yet?"

James nodded. "I owled them just now, actually. But, hey, look on the bright side, Evans. You won't have to patrol alone now. You'll have a bit of company." He attempted a smile, and she managed a grudging half-smile back.

"I didn't expect you to get it," she muttered, as Remus came in with Pramjeet Patel and Jacob Goldstein. "I thought Remus would be Head Boy."

"Me as well," James agreed.

"Of course not, Lily," Remus said as he sat down next to James. "There was no way I'd get it. James was the one."

"But Potter is so…"

"Mischievous? Naughty?" James suggested.

"Badly behaved?" Remus added.

Lily grinned at Remus. "_All_ of those things, actually — and more. I just thought Dumbledore would elect someone a bit more…responsible than Potter."

"You can't get more responsible than Potter," Remus reassured her, maintaining a straight face. Lily rolled her eyes in disbelief.

During the next few minutes, the room filled up, and by ten past eight, every seat was occupied except the ones on the right of Lily and the left of James.

"Is…is that everyone, then?" Lily asked the table at large, who quietened down.

The prefects looked around, checking to see who was missing, when finally, George Wilkes and Regulus Black came in. Not bothering to apologise for their lateness, Wilkes — after surveying the table for empty seats and seeing there were just two — reluctantly took the seat next to James, but Black remained standing.

"Is there a problem?" asked Lily. She pointed at the chair next to hers. "Take a seat, please. We don't have all day, you know, Regulus."

He wrinkled his nose at the sound of his own name being uttered by Lily. "I'm not sitting next to that Mudblood. These robes just came out of the wash. I don't want them being dirtied by sitting beside _you_."

James stood up at once, kicking back his chair in indignation. That son of a bitch! Who did he think he was, talking about Evans like she wasn't even in the room?

He was about to cuss Regulus back when he saw the expression on Lily's face, which was wordlessly, angrily, telling him not to say anything. There was silence in the room for a few seconds longer as James bit his tongue for so long he was sure he'd be spitting blood, until, at last, he made his way around the table and took the seat next to Lily, being careful to barge Regulus' shoulder as hard as he could on the way. It took all of James' self-restraint to stop himself from hexing Regulus.

"Sit there, then."

Finally, the meeting began, after Regulus took his seat. Lily explained all the prefect duties and James assigned each role to each pair of prefects in fifth, sixth and seventh year in the four houses. It was relatively simple, yet James became bored pretty quickly, so he was relieved when Lily asked if there were any questions, because it meant they'd be going soon.

"I have a question." The query came from Katie Montague, one of the seventh-year Slytherin prefects, but she directed it at the table generally rather than at James or Lily. James groaned inwardly. Whatever question she had was bound to have the words "Mublood" and "blood traitor" in it, James was sure. "I can barely stand the smell of this blood traitor, so how the hell d'you expect me to take orders from this Mudblood bitch?"

_Surprise, surprise. _

Once again, James stood up. But this time, he didn't look at Lily. "Why don't you come and say that to her face?"

"Potter—" said Lily, tugging at his sleeve and succeeding in pulling him back down into his seat. The Slytherins laughed cruelly and the Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws and Gryffindors all watched, bewildered, as James shook her off.

"You've got the worst taste, Potter," Wilkes sneered. "But you know, Evans, he's just looking for a quick shag and then he'll drop you just like that. Don't get hopeful. It's the most you can be to a pureblood, even if he is a filthy blood traitor."

"It's what she deserves, the whore," scoffed Georgia Greengrass, a sixth-year prefect. "I think it's brave, really, going out in public with such a heinous blood defect like that. When you cut yourself, did it shock you to see all that dirt in your blood?"

"That's enough, Greengrass," said Lily quietly, kicking back her own chair. She unconsciously pulled down her sleeve, even with the Concealment Charm on her skin. The snarling Slytherins and the rest of the shocked prefects looked up as she spoke. Suddenly, Lily smiled sweetly at Georgia as she said, "_I_ think it's brave of _you_ to go out in public after you _paid_ Higgs to go out with you last year. And then, when he broke up with you, he asked for _more_ money so you would leave him alone! _In public!_"

"And at least Evans doesn't need to _buy_ my love. _She_ gets it with pure gorgeousness," James declared. Lily blushed, yet, for once, she didn't say anything to contradict James' statement.

"Pure gorgeousness?" repeated Katie Montague incredulously. "_Pure gorgeousness?_ I think your glasses need mending, Potter — you actually find _that_ gorgeous?"

"For God's sake, guys," intervened Jacob Goldstein, the Ravenclaw prefect, quickly, before James could retort. "Give it a rest, will you?"

"Yeah," added Alice Wilkes. "Listen, Greengrass, George, no one gives a shit about what you think of Lily's blood. She's Head Girl — you either listen to her or you resign your position. I'm sure there are plenty of others who want the job a lot more than you do."

Lily smiled at Alice; at least she was willing to stick up for her, even if it was against Alice's own cousin. With that, Lily announced that the meeting was over, and in twos and threes, the prefects left. Some of the Slytherins dawdled for a moment too long, eyeing Lily, James and Remus with distaste.

"You know, McCann's replacement really isn't much better than the man himself," said Regulus loudly. "Blood traitor's next to Mudblood in my book. McCann _was_ a Mudblood, wasn't he?"

"He was, yeah. And good riddance, too," added Georgia Greengrass quietly.

This time, both James and Remus jumped up, but Remus got there first, drawing his wand. "Say that again," he breathed, a furiously wolfish expression on his face as he held his wand against her throat. "Go on."

"Ooh, did you _love_ him, Lupin?" said Georgia, struggling under his grasp.

"Shut the fuck up," James snarled. "Don't you dare talk about him like that." He didn't care much that Lily was there, either.

"Watch it, Potter. That's my friend you're talking to there. You too, Lupin — that's a girl you're manhandling there. And if you don't hold that blood traitor tongue of yours, Potter, I'm gonna have to do something unpleasant to you," Katie Montague drawled. "_And_ that slut of yours, too."

"You're choosing to mess with me, but let me tell you, Montague, that's going to be the worst decision you've ever made," James growled through gritted teeth. He wasn't in the mood for this, and there was no way he was going to take it lying down. No one spoke ill of the dead. Not in his book. "And if you — or any of those cronies of yours — _ever_ threaten me again, I swear, I'll hunt you down. The lot of you."

"I'm scared," said Montague in a mock-frightened voice.

"You should be," said Lily unexpectedly from the corner. "It might seem a bit strange to you, Montague, but Potter doesn't exactly like it when you call him a blood traitor again and again. I think it's getting a bit old now, don't you think?"

The entire group looked at her as she spoke; the Slytherins with distaste, Remus and James in surprise.

"Now get lost," Lily told them. "Go on, piss off. Think of a more original insult and this time, when you do eventually figure one out, say it to someone who actually gives a damn."

Georgia looked like she wanted to carry on the dispute further; however, after a moment, it seemed that their argument had become redundant.

"C'mon, Katie, let's leave this filth to rot," said Wilkes, and, taking her hand, he led Katie out of the room. Regulus and Georgia followed, after casting a withering look at Remus, James and Lily.

"Thanks, Evans," said James, the moment the Slytherins had left.

"Nothing to thank me for, Potter," Lily replied quickly. "I had to side with one of you, didn't I? And of course I was going to side with you if the choice is between you and Montague."

"You know something, Prongs," said Remus later on, as the Marauders sprawled on the cosy sofas of the Gryffindor common room, a thoughtful tone in his voice, "Lily's changed."

"She has, hasn't she?" James replied vaguely.

"How so?" asked Peter curiously.

"When all those Slytherins insulted Lily—"

"Wait," interrupted Sirius, suddenly sitting up. "Has my dear brother the prefect got anything to do with this?"

Remus hesitated. There was no point trying to lie to Sirius. It never worked — he was too much of a master at it to swallow lies from anyone else. "Er…sort of."

"Spill," Sirius demanded. "Now. I want to know. I need to know."

"It was nothing," James insisted. Sirius gave his friend a scathing look and James relented, with a sense of defeat. "OK, OK, Regulus came in late with Wilkes and then he refused to sit near Lily because she's — because she's, you know, Muggleborn." Sirius had a furious expression on his face and was about to interrupt again when James continued quickly, "So I got up and I—"

"Hexed him?" Peter interjected quickly. He was shocked when James shook his head. "Sorry, go on, Prongs," Peter said at Remus' and Sirius' expressions.

"I got up and I sat next to Lily and he sat next to Wilkes instead."

"How'd you manage that?" asked Sirius.

"With great difficulty," said Remus and Peter together, as if it was obvious.

James nodded fervently. Feeling it would not do anyone good if he discussed Regulus' further insults about William McCann, he ended the discussion about Sirius' younger brother. "Anyway, that was it. End of story, as far as Regulus is concerned. So, Moony, what did you mean, when you said Lily's changed?"

"Well, you've changed too, for that matter," Remus commented. "That definitely played a part in Lily's change in behaviour. For you not to jinx someone when you had the opportunity — and not just for fun, but for a proper reason — that's not like you, James, not like you at all.

"But Lily, she's changed too. Have you seen, she's stopped hanging around with Marlene — _and_ Lena's started to go along with Zoey and Diana. Mary told me all of this. She says she's worried for her. She hasn't been acting normal lately. And today was the weirdest of all. Lily actually defended you, James. That's not something that happens often at all."

"Yeah, the only person Lily would defend — or, maybe, the only person who needed defending — is Snape, and she stopped talking to him once fifth year was finished." Sirius wrinkled his nose — in exactly the same way as Regulus had done when Lily had addressed him directly at the prefect's meeting — when he said "Snape".

"I stuck up for her too. So did Alice."

"Yeah, but Alice has always been Lily's friend. You…haven't."

"I've never wanted to be her friend, have I?" James realised this ruefully. "I've always wanted…more, I suppose."

"If you ask me, mate, you should just give it up," Peter advised. "Stick to being her friend. There's no point in wishing for what will never happen."

"And since when have you been the relationships expert?" asked Sirius.

"Since now!" Peter laughed. "Seriously, though, I do think I'm right here. It's no use, you pining for Evans. There are plenty of other fi—"

"Yeah, yeah, plenty of other fish in the sea, whatever," Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

"We've all heard it before, Wormy," Remus told him with a smile.

"But Lily's the only fish I want," James reasoned. His friends all burst out laughing. "Euphemistically speaking, of course."

"Well, she did say she'd rather go out with the giant squid," Sirius sniggered. "That _is_ more realistic if you imagine Evans as a fish. Anyway, I'm bored. I want to play chess."

"You know you're going to get thrashed by me so what's the point?" said Peter cockily.

"Piss off," said Sirius as he got up and headed for the dormitory.

"Remus?" said James, a few minutes after Peter and Sirius had begun a game of chess.

"What?"

"D'you remember what Evans said when Montague and Wilkes left?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"D'you — d'you think she was lying? When she said she had to take a side? Like she didn't really care?"

There was a pause as Remus frowned, thinking. "Maybe. She's a difficult person to read, Lily. I can't really say. But I've got to agree with Peter. What he said is true. You're better off as friends. God knows, she needs one right now."

A week after the disastrous prefect's meeting, Lily had a free period first thing after breakfast. Mary, however, had Divination, so Lily decided to spend the time in the library. There was something she needed to do.

Something had bugged her at that meeting. She couldn't place her finger to it but she knew something wasn't right. She had a strange feeling it had something to do with one of the Slytherins' comments yesterday, but whatever it was, it had reminded her of that horrible Tongue-Tying Curse.

So, after quickly bolting down toast and tea, Lily headed to the library amidst the horde of students coming in the other direction for breakfast. She seemed to have got pushed and shoved quite a few times, but she dismissed this as the students' mere hunger.

The library was nearly empty. There were just a few lonely, miserable-looking fifth-years who had already begun their OWL revision in the early morning. Lily went straight for the spellbooks, running her finger along the various spines, looking, until at last, she found the book she was looking for: _Curses and Counter-Curses: (Bewitch your Friends and Befuddle your Enemies with the Latest Revenges: Hair Loss, Jelly-Legs, Tongue-Tying and much, much more)_ by Vindictus Viridian.

Lily carried the heavy book to a vacant table at the back of the library. There, she sat down and looked at the contents page. After a minute of searching, she located it; there it was…in black and white: _The Tongue-Tying Curse._

She flicked through the book excitedly, found the correct page and began to read.

_The Tongue-Tying Curse is one which forces the victim to, quite literally, tie their tongue. They will be unable to speak explicitly about a certain subject in the presence of humans — the subject being chosen by the curser, naturally — and this will continue even after the caster's death. The Curse is ineffective while the victim is in the presence of animals, magical creatures or, indeed, while the victim is solitary. There is no existing counter-curse for the Tongue-Tying Curse — the only possible way to counteract its effects is by the victim empowering the caster._

Furthermore, it is impossible for the victim to be able to write, use sign language or otherwise communicate to humans — wizards and Muggles alike — about said forbidden subject. The main effect of the Curse, however, is to prevent one from talking about the subject although there are other side effects of the spell which, collectively, fully prevent the victim from communicating, in any way, to fellow humans. Further details about said side effects are mentioned below.

She stopped reading there. She couldn't believe what she had got herself into. What the hell was she going to do? It was hardly likely that she would ever meet the kidnappers again, and even less likely that she would be able to empower them, however she was supposed to do that. And there was no way Lily could talk about where Layla and Jenna were — and Marlene and her mum had no idea where they were either. She was surprised, really, that her mum had not informed the authorities already. It puzzled her that no one knew nor cared about Layla and Jenna McKinnon. It was as though the sisters had vanished off the face of the earth, never to be seen again.

And no one seemed to care. It was as if they had never even existed.

"That's the last of it," said James to Sirius as he levitated the remainder of his belongings into his new room. He was entitled to his own bedroom as Head Boy and he decided to accept the offer simply because of the fact that he could not bear to wake up and see William's eternally empty bed next to him, with the frosty, unfriendly look to the crisp white sheets and drawn curtains, all of which said, without words, that Will McCann would never, ever sleep there again.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye, then, roommate," said Sirius in a theatrical tone.

"Farewell, Prongs," added Peter mock-miserably. "We hope you enjoy your new liberties as Head Boy, even if it does mean leaving us—"

"Oh, shut up," James snapped, ruining the effect somewhat by smiling as Remus winked at him.

"Aren't you going to miss us, dear Jamie?" asked Sirius in a dreadfully high-pitched voice.

"We've lived with you for six long years, dear boy…of course you'll miss us!" cried Peter, patting him on the back.

"Won't you, Jamie?" Remus added, joining in.

"When you're all being as annoying as this?" James considered, grinning. "Nope, sorry, guys. I'll be glad to go, trust me."

Nevertheless, despite his words, James knew he was going to miss his friends — even though he was only going to be spending his sleeping moments away from Remus, Sirius and Peter. The rest of the time, however, he would be in and out of the dormitory as normal.

It was untoward that the same could not be said about other mundane aspects of his life, because, unfortunately, his seventh year was shaping up to be anything but normal. Never, in James' previous six years at Hogwarts, had he ever witnessed such a vicious vendetta against the Muggleborns. There were more uses of the M word than ever before, and each time the hated name was uttered from — inevitably — a Slytherin's lips, James was, once again, forced to hold in his anger and restrain himself from sorting the perpetrators out with a good hex.

The result had been that several Muggleborns had had enough, leaving the school, despite only being in the middle of October. Ola Peters from his year, her brother Kofi in third year, Max MacFarlane in his year, Romero Gustav in sixth year — all of them had left and, it was rumoured, gone into hiding, and it seemed that the number of Muggleborns left in the school would continue to fall rapidly as the year went on. James couldn't turn a corridor corner without hearing the word "Mudblood" being spoken by first-years, even. Most of all, however, James found himself continually defending Lily, who was under such violent attack from the Slytherins it was a miracle she hadn't packed her bags already and joined Ola, Max and the others.

Before this year, James could count the number of times Lily had been harassed because of her lineage on the number of fingers on one hand, without even including the thumb. On all of these occasions, James had defended her fiercely, regardless of whether she wanted him to or not. And, on all of these occasions, Lily had become so vexed at James for sticking his nose in that each insult thrown at her had become meaningless, insignificant, compared to the insults she threw at him.

However, this year, it had become worse. Not a day would go by when Lily was not told, by various people (not all of them Slytherin, either) that she would be the next victim after her ex-boyfriend, or that she had still not got over his death, or that she was a filthy Mudblood whatever or a slutty Mudblood whatever, or some other kind of slur about some aspect of her appearance or her intelligence or…something. And — as arrogant as it sounded to say aloud — James wasn't always there to defend her and this worried him, because every time he witnessed yet another incident from afar, he saw that Lily wasn't putting the person down with a witty comeback. No, she just stood there, her green eyes, once full of fire and life, now empty, and this just made her look more and more vulnerable and more prone to the verbal abuse the Slytherins seemed determined to subject her to.

The Head Boy's room was situated in a lounge which was previously unknown to the Marauders in the Gryffindor common room, along with the Head Girl's room. Although this was supposed to be for convenience more than anything — the Head Boy and Girl had to patrol the corridors three nights a week — James had had to endure a certain amount of teasing from Sirius, Remus and Peter regarding his close proximity to Lily Evans each night.

It was a handsome room, with fancy, if slightly over-ostentatious touches, such as curtains which moved without James ever having to touch them, lights which would switch off if he clapped, a dressing table which had a mirror that used the most verbose comments to compliment or insult him — hell, even the alarm clock was several notches above James' normal expectations: it was winged and, if James did not get up immediately, it would float across the room to James' bed and use both of its hands to beat him until he awoke.

He didn't think he deserved it. Any of it — the badge, the nice bedroom, the bathroom (although admittedly he had been using the bathroom since he'd become Quidditch Captain in fifth year) — he didn't feel he deserved it. That was why he was so reluctant to take on the role as Head Boy — James had never thought of himself as a goody-two-shoes or a model student or anything like that. No, he had always been the cause of trouble, not the solver of it. Still, he supposed there was a first time for everything…

Then he thought of Lily, of what she must be going through, enduring all those taunts simply about her non-magical descent, and he prayed that there was a last time for everything, too.

"The Hogsmeade visit has been cancelled," Mary told Lily a few weeks later. It was ten thirty in the night and the two of them were in the Gryffindor common room, doing homework. The Gryffindors were slowly dispersing, heading up to their dormitories after they read the notice on the noticeboard which informed them that the Halloween Hogsmeade visit had been cancelled. This explained the students' disgruntled faces as they passed Lily and Mary on their way up to bed.

"Oh well," said Lily, stifling a yawn with her hand. "I wasn't planning on going anyway."

"You weren't?" said Mary wearily. "Why not?"

"Didn't feel like it."

"You're saying that about everything nowadays. That you don't feel like it. What's wrong, Lily? Why have you been acting so…distant?" Mary asked tentatively. She knew halfway through her last question that she had hit a nerve already.

"Oh, no reason," replied Lily sarcastically. "Only, let's think, maybe, it's because Marlene _still_ refuses to even look me in the eye? Or maybe because I've bloody well had enough of people telling me I should be the next one to get murdered? Or of them voicing their goddamn _concern_ that I was Will's final girlfriend and if I still loved him or if I ever loved him or whatever the hell they bloody well want to know. I don't know, Mary. Which one do you think it is?"

And, without waiting for an answer, Lily got to her feet, magically gathered her parchment so it was all one neat pile and marched away to her dormitory. She said the password ("Verity") and the door swung open before Mary, who had rushed after her, could get in.

The weeks dragged on as they moved into November, the weather becoming chillier and more irksome. But for Lily, it gave her ample reason to retreat to her bedroom, where only she was entitled to go to.

One day in the middle of November, Lily received a letter just as she was sitting down for dinner at the table, all by herself because she had got into another spat with Mary over something stupid. She was watching the owl suspiciously as it flew in, and was even more surprised when it dropped the envelope it was carrying directly on her lasagne. Lily pulled a face as she picked the envelope out of her food with her finger and thumb before siphoning off the red substance on the parchment.

Everyone was staring at her — it was unusual to receive post at dinner time unless it was really urgent. Instead of glaring back like Lily would normally do to abate unwanted looks from other people, she simply dropped her gaze to her food for a solid minute. By the time she looked up again, everyone had turned away, uninterested, as they realised that she wasn't about to make a big display of whatever upsetting news she was receiving. Then, as she surreptitiously checked to see that absolutely no one was looking, Lily slid open the envelope. There was no greeting or signature.

_We hope you've been holding your tongue. The little girlies are still alive, I think you'll be pleased to know. Or maybe not — if they were dead you won't have to keep the secret for much longer, would you? Less weight on your shoulders, isn't it?_

We'd just like to let you know that your feeble little charm was far too weak for any lasting damage — which clearly shows that you Mudbloods, especially stupid, noble Gryffindors like yourselves — are far too dim-witted for even the simplest of spells. Rest assured, however, that we will find you and when we do, you're going to end up just like that other Mudblood. Speaking of which, the Dark Lord was unable to attend his funeral but he did send a nice little letter saying he approved of it. One Mudblood down, only a few dozen to go.

We'll be meeting again soon, Mudblood. And when we do, you'll be dying a long, painful death.

"Hi guys," said James as he sat down at the Gryffindor table for dinner with Remus, Sirius and Peter, pulling dishes towards him even before he took his seat. "God, I'm starving."

"Good practice?" Remus enquired, registering his damp hair.

James nodded through a mouthful of pasta. "Yeah, even though the weather's awful. I hope it's not like that during the match — that would be a nightmare. Visibility's not great, either, so I hope it clears up tomorrow."

"It's probably 'cause it's dark," said Peter consolingly. "Don't worry, mate, we'll do fine. We always do." James grinned at him and continued to eat; it was true, they had won the Cup for the past three years, so why shouldn't they this year?

"What's up with Evans?" muttered Sirius, more to himself than to anyone else. Still, James immediately looked up at Lily's name, finding her at the other end of the table, all by herself. She looked stricken about something, but James had no idea what.

"God, I feel like asking her who it was that died," Sirius commented. He quelled at James' look. "Sorry."

James carried on watching Lily, all hungriness forgotten as she stood up, leaving her food untouched on her plate. He saw Slughorn approaching her from the staff table and knew that he was probably asking her to one of his little parties that he threw every once in a while. However, Lily seemed to decline his offer, and, with her head down, she walked away. James was sure that he saw tears in her eyes as she went past him on her way out of the Great Hall, and he wondered what it was that had made her so upset.

She had to get away. She didn't want to hear about some other stupid party of Slughorn's. Lily had to bite her tongue to stop herself from telling her Potions teacher to just fuck off. As it was, she was sure Slughorn looked more than a little offended, but she was beyond caring now. All she wanted to do was leave. She wanted it to stop. All of it — the letter, the slurs at every tiny fucking aspect of her, Voldemort, Layla and Jenna, her parents, Petunia — she wanted it to end. For good. She wanted nothing better than to just die.

Yeah, that would be a big fuck-you to everyone, if she topped herself. And, at that moment, it seemed like the only way out of this bloody mess that she'd got herself into. What on earth had _possessed_ her to offer to look after Marlene's sisters in the first place?

As she turned the corner, she heard familiar voices before she saw the speakers, and, sure enough, she found Katie Montague and Severus Snape, arguing, in an empty corridor. Curious, she hid behind a suit of armour, listening to their quarrel with interest.

"Severus, I can't let you do this—"

"Let me? What the fuck are you talking about? Like you'd _let_ us do anything? This is not your choice, OK? You don't have any say in this whatsoever. So stop complaining because it won't make any difference."

"Severus, listen to me—"

"Shut up," Snape snarled. "Someone could hear. We've got orders and we're not meant to be talking about it, d'you hear?"

"Severus—"

"I said SHUT UP!"

"You've got to—" Katie cried out, mid-sentence, as Snape slapped her.

"I can't believe you've just done that, Sev," said Lily suddenly, coming out from behind the suit of armour. She realised, too late, that she had given away her hiding place, but she was beyond caring now. "Seriously, I knew you were prejudiced and everything, but I never expected you, of all people, to slap a girl, even if it _is_ Katie."

"Get lost, Lily," said Snape quietly. He didn't meet her eyes; instead, he focused on a spot just above her left shoulder.

"Yeah, shut up, Evans," Katie added. "No one asked you to stick your Mudblood nose in."

"Leave Katie alone, Severus," said Lily resolutely, as if Katie hadn't spoken. "I never thought you'd stoop so low, seriously—" Lily paused as she registered the pure hatred in Snape's eyes as he forced them to meet hers. The two of them remained perfectly still for a moment, until Lily recoiled as Snape raised his hand to her. She could barely feel his palm hit her cheek, but it would've hurt even if Snape's hand was feather-light.

Immediately, she turned on her heel and ran away, clutching at her cheek, trying her best to stop the tears falling down her face. She didn't know where her destination was but all she wanted, as she fled up countless flights of stairs, was to get away from it all.

"So, anyway, the Map's finally ready," Remus informed the other three with a grin as they stood up and prepared to leave the table a short while later.

"Really?" said Sirius loudly. Several onlookers, all of them girls, giggled at his sudden outburst and he smiled a sheepish, handsome smile at them. They rolled their eyes prettily and resumed their respective conversations.

Still, Sirius was right in voicing his surprise. Because of the added pressure of their NEWTs, none of the Marauders had had time to work on the Map much, since most of their free time was devoted to homework, revision and the occasional prank. So James was just as surprised as Sirius was that Remus had managed to put the whole thing together whilst juggling homework and transformations and prefect duties and whatever else he was doing in his free time.

"Yep," Remus replied as they reached the Entrance Hall. "Come over here and I'll show you."

They gathered around Remus, who was looking rather tired as the full moon was approaching the next week.

Nevertheless, he looked — oddly enough — rather pleased with himself as he withdrew a piece of parchment from his robes. The quartet grinned excitedly as Remus placed the tip of his wand on the parchment and said, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

At once, lines began to appear on the parchment, and after a few seconds, James, Sirius and Peter recognised their own enchanted drawings on the map. James peered at the Entrance Hall, and, sure enough, there were four labelled dots in the exact spot they were in.

"Nice one, Moony!" Peter whispered in awe. "But — how did you manage to get all the names?"

Because, as James noticed, all of the students' names were on the Map, some of which even he hadn't heard of. He wondered how on earth Remus managed the feat.

"Sorting Hat," Remus replied simply. "Easy peasy. All I had to do was ask Dumbledore to borrow it, do a bit of hocus-pocus, and, hey presto. It took a bit of persuading for Dumbledore to give the Hat to me, really, but no worries — I convinced him that I was just fascinated by it and everything and he said yes in the end."

"So it's got everyone's names on here?" James asked. "Even the teachers, Mr Filch, everyone?"

"It does," Remus affirmed. "I had to add Filch's manually, you know, because he never went to Hogwarts. But everyone else in the school, all the teachers, they all came here."

"That's brilliant," said Sirius, thumping Remus on the back. "Absolutely spiffing, Moony." James put his hand out to see the Map and Remus handed it to him as they walked across the Entrance Hall.

"So, anyway, to wipe it clean, you know, so nobody knows what it is, you just say 'Mischief managed' and it'll look like a dog-eared bit of parchment again," Remus was telling Sirius and Peter, as James continued to examine the Map with interest. They had all worked on it together but it was Remus who added the finishing touches, getting everyone's names on there. He had to admit, his friend was a genius. James' eyes scanned over the various classrooms until he found Lily's name on there. For some reason, her dot seemed to be moving quickly up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower. He halted in his steps, ignoring Sirius and Peter's whispered plans about getting Firewhiskey from Hogsmeade to celebrate.

There was something wrong. Why the hell was Evans going to the Astronomy Tower now? She didn't even take Astronomy.

He had to get up there to see. It was the tallest tower in Hogwarts, so what if…?

No. No, there was no way Evans would do that. Not _that_. She wouldn't.

Suddenly, realising what he had to do, James spun on the spot and ran off in the other direction, dropping the Map as he went.

Ten minutes later, he arrived, puffing and panting and out of breath, at the Astronomy Tower.

Tentatively he opened the heavy door and found it empty; taking a deep breath, he went out onto the ramparts where, at last, he found Lily.

She was standing on the very edge of the parapet, her knees bent as she prepared to jump from the highest tower in Hogwarts.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Dun dun dun! This is my first PROPER cliffie. What do you think will happen? Let me know about everything you liked/disliked/want to comment on by review! ~Soraya~


	6. Lapse

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

Here we are again. Apologies for the delay.

Things...happened. But here it is!

James has just discovered Lily standing at the very edge of the Astronomy Tower and he has to stop her. Will she do it? Won't she do it? Read to find out!

[Oh, thanks for Alex for being my second beta after this got rejected first time round on MNFF and Stacey for being my first.]

James' eyes nearly popped out of their sockets and broke through his glasses as he realised that his worst fears were about to come true. He didn't know what to do — what if he frightened her, made her fall by accident? James would never forgive himself then.  
But he knew that he had to get her attention somehow; time was not on his side and if he dithered any more, it would be too late.

So, taking a deep, deep breath, James whispered, "Lily?"

"Get lost, James," Lily replied immediately. Maybe she had known he was there from the beginning. Or maybe she just didn't show her surprise. Despite the situation they were in, James couldn't help but chuckle slightly.

"What's so funny?" she asked suspiciously.

"The fact that you called me James. After I called you Lily. I'm always 'Potter' to you, aren't I? It kind of reminded me of when we were on the Hogwarts Express."

"Ha, ha," Lily said sarcastically. "I'm laughing my arse off, James—" Realising her mistake, she caught herself, but it was too late.

"See? I knew you were growing on me." The silence stretched on for a few seconds until James broke it. "So…why?" He didn't have to elaborate; he knew that she knew perfectly well what he was talking about.

"Why? Because I want out, that's why. I hate my life."

"And you think death's the answer?" he asked. He wanted to keep her talking, distract her for as long as possible, so that he could get her to come off the parapet.

James thought of the others, how they would know where he'd gone because of the Marauder's Map, which told them everything. He marvelled at the ingenuity of it all; how it had all started as one piece of parchment…

This gave him an idea. It might not be an answer to Lily's problem but it could get her off the parapet, which was what he needed to do immediately.

She didn't know how long she could just stand there. She wanted to just drop off the edge.

It seemed so easy: climb onto the parapet and then just fall off. Easy peasy.

Potter just had to come here and spoil things, didn't he? Fuck him. Fuck all of them, damn it. What was his problem? And how did he know she was going that way anyway?

She could feel the bruise on her face becoming bigger and more inflamed, but she was beyond caring now. She just wanted to fall and die.

"Evans, listen, OK?" James' renewed use of Lily's surname appeased Lily slightly, although she didn't know why. She folded her arms, hugging herself as she realised how cold she had become. "I'm not going to interfere, all right? I'm just going to pretend I didn't see anything and that I was too late to do anything and you can have out, just like you said, if you really want. Just…just do me a favour, OK?" Lily was surprised, if not rather disappointed, that James was letting her do it so easily. She expected him, of all people, to put up more of a fight.

"What? What favour?" What could James possibly want, from her, now, of all times?

"Write a note."

"What?" she said again. "_You_ want _me_ to write a note? And how is that meant to be a favour to you?"

"Because otherwise, you're putting the blame on me. I'm going to have to tell everyone what happened. That's hardly fair, is it? And…and you can say…goodbye, to everyone, can't you?"

"Why is the blame on you?"

"Because they're going to know that I was the last person at the scene," James told her seriously. "It's not difficult. Hogwarts students can put two and two together, you know. And Dumbledore would know immediately."

When Lily couldn't think of an argument against that, James continued, "So do it. Just write a note. It's not hard. I've got a quill and parchment here. Come down here and write the note."

At first James thought that she was wavering slightly as her shoulders seemed to shrink a little. However, it looked like he was mistaken a moment later.

"No!" Lily burst out, unfolding her arms defiantly. "No, I'm not waiting. I'm not dumb, Potter. I know you won't just let me come down and not go back up."

He was beginning to shiver a little. He wished he was wearing a jumper. Sighing, he realised that his plan was not going to work. _Time for Plan B,_ he thought.

"Fine," he said. Before Lily could say anything, he climbed up onto the parapet in one fluid movement, the coldness spreading rapidly to his ears. "Fine," he repeated as he faced her. He was far more at ease with heights that Lily was. Even so, his eyes widened with shock at the dark, hand-shaped mark on her face, but he quickly masked this as he continued, "You don't want me to dictate your life for you. Or — if you like — your death. Fine. That means you can't dictate mine. If you fall, Evans, I'm going with you."

"If you don't move, I'll — I'll—"

"Hex me? Evans, this is _me_ we're talking about. _The_ best hexer in the entire school. Anyway, d'you know how dangerous it is up here? If you tried to attack me — although I think you would've done that by now — I'd fall, and then I'd die. Besides, Evans, I don't know if you've got the guts."

"Don't talk to me like—"

"Like what? I'm just telling you the truth, Evans," James told her evenly.

"I _do_ have guts, Potter," Lily snarled. She ruined the effect somewhat by rubbing her hands together, trying to regain some feeling in them. "Don't you dare say otherwise."

"Or what?" asked James. "If you had guts, you — and I — wouldn't be standing here in the first place. I don't mean to offend you, but — but, it's the truth."

"Potter — you're being fucking ridiculous!" Lily exclaimed. "For once in your life, for God's sake, stop being so nosy, OK, because it won't do you any good! No one's asked you to be here."

"This isn't about being nosy," he replied. "I'm not doing this for me. I'm only doing it for you. I don't want you to be fucking up your family and friends' lives just because you thought that it would be a good idea to kill yourself. Because, trust me, it isn't. If you'll never believe another word I say, fine, but believe that I'm telling you the truth, Evans: you can't play God here. You can't decide to end your own life like that. I won't let you."

"Let me? _Let me?_ Who the hell do you think you are, Potter? I'll end my life if I want to. I've had enough of my life. I—" She made the tiniest movement with her feet.

"Wait!" James shouted. Lily became still, and even now she was refusing to look at him.

"What?" she hissed.

"Tell me why," he said. She snorted. "Tell me why — truthfully this time — and I'll go. I'll let it go. I promise. Just tell me."

She didn't know why she did. Maybe it was just because she thought she had all the time in the world, before she was gone, so it didn't really matter about what James thought of her now. Not that she cared anyway.

"So much. Everything's that's happened over the summer, with Marlene, with my sister Petunia, my parents, Goddamn Voldemort, even Mary, for God's sake, the fact that everyone sees me as the next victim—"

"And you're going to prove them right?" asked James quietly.

"No!" Lily protested. At James' comment, it suddenly occurred to her that perhaps she didn't have all the time in the world. After all, she knew she needed to jump soon; the longer she delayed it, the more scared she would become. She still didn't look down and her palms were beginning to sweat. She sensed that James was aware of this and was surprised when he didn't say anything.

Lily needed to get James off her case and she needed to do it soon, or she knew her judgement would lapse and she would give up. "Before I came up here, I found Severus and Katie arguing. I don't know what about but whatever it was, Severus was getting really pissed off at Katie, so he slapped her. And I know Katie's a bitch, so why should I have defended her?

"But I did, and I told Sev just how low it was for him to do that. I mean, that's not the Severus I know — the Severus I thought I knew would never do any of the physical stuff, no matter where they came from. He never raised a hand to anyone in his whole life, as far as I know. I'm not saying that he wouldn't assault someone verbally — or magically, for that matter. I mean, I'm living proof of that, aren't I?

"But still, I didn't think he'd ever slap someone. And I never dreamed he'd do it to a Slytherin, of all people. Katie even told me to stay out of it, to…to keep my Mudblood nose out of their business or whatever…maybe that was a hint; that if he did it to someone in his own house he would be bound to do it to a Mudblood like me, right?" At this point, Lily heard her voice beginning to shake and she knew she'd start crying again if she wasn't careful. James opened his mouth as if to reassure her that she wasn't a Mudblood or maybe to chastise her for calling herself a Mudblood, but Lily kept on talking. "And he just looked at me, Potter. Stared at me, really. And then he…he slapped me, too."

"See, I never realised why you were ever friends with that bastard," James said roughly, wincing as the cold wind blew through his hair, attacking his skull. "How—"

"He hates me," she interrupted, as though James had not spoken. "He never had to say it…but I know he hates me.

"I've never felt so…so below someone in my whole life, James. I'm — I'm ready to die. I've been ready ever since…"

She trailed off; Lily's eyes sparkled with unshed tears as she bent her head, attempting to hide them. As she did so, far, far below, she caught sight of the blurry outline of the hut belonging to Hagrid, the gamekeeper. Her head suddenly swam as she realised her lapse — all this time she had told herself _not to look down_ — and at the sight of the ground, so far away and underneath her, she lost her footing and wobbled. James barely had any time to digest Lily's words when he realised what was about to happen. At once, he dived towards Lily, pushing her off the parapet as hard as he could in the opposite direction; one of her shoes fell off at the sheer force of James' push but, mercifully, Lily fell onto the safe ground of the ramparts. James immediately followed, toppling on the spot and falling to the ramparts with her.

They landed with a loud thump, James' body squashed against hers. For at least a minute, they lay there, panting, without saying a word to each other, until their breathing slowed down.

They looked at each other for the first time since James had arrived at the tower, Lily registered the absence of her shoe, and — unbelievably — her mouth began to twitch, and soon, she was giggling, even as tears rolled down her face. James joined in, glad that someone had found the whole situation funny. The two of them laughed and laughed until James' laughs were reduced to croaks as his throat felt completely used up and Lily ended up hiccupping.

As Lily moved slightly away from him, so that they weren't touching, James put his hands behind his head and looked up at the sky, which was a clear, deep blue, dotted with silver stars that seemed to twinkle at him and the odd stray cloud. It was just like a picture out of a book.

"You know, I've always been suicidal," said Lily conversationally, as her hiccups finally stopped. Her foot was becoming numb from the cold. "But then, isn't everyone?"

"What? What do you mean?" he asked, horrified. "Here — take my cloak, Lily. You're cold." He unfastened his cloak and handed it to her; she took it after a moment's hesitation.

"Thanks. Well, I'm sure there are days when things aren't exactly peachy for you, aren't there?"

"So? That doesn't mean anything — it just means we're all capable of suicide. That doesn't mean that we're meant to commit suicide. But since when have you been suicidal?"

"Ever since I was a kid. But it's been dormant for years…since I started Hogwarts, really." She talked about it like it was a monster, James reflected. Perhaps that was what it was for Lily.

"Really?" said James, confused. He hoped that she wasn't thinking of trying it again, and wondered what made her do it now, especially since they were _at_ Hogwarts. God knew, he didn't have the strength to do it all over again. "Why?"

"When I was a kid, I was never happy."

"Not enough toys to play with?" James asked, with a small smile.

Lily smiled too, unexpectedly.

"Not toys, no. People. The only person there, back then, who was my age, or close to my age, was Petunia, really. My sister. Of course, there were the kids at my school, but I hated all of them. They thought I was weird, so I was a real loner there. And when we were in primary school she'd always look down on me, you know? It wasn't nice. And when I was a kid, it took me bloody years—" she paused for a moment, remembering meeting Severus, her first true friend, "—to make proper friends. It took a long time to live up to my goody-two-shoes sister. D'you have any idea what it was like to be told how worthless you are compared to your sibling, and having her standing right there, smirking and getting all the attention?"

"And that was a good enough reason to want to top yourself?"

She shook her head. "It was more than that. I just felt so…unhappy. You've got no idea. You're rich, you're an only child, you come from a Wizarding background, you have a good family who spoil you, people like you…"

"People like you too," he told her. "Me, for example — I like you."

Lily rolled her eyes, disregarding this. James couldn't blame her. "Like I said, I was never truly happy. I was never satisfied with what I had. And Petunia would always put a dampener on things, telling me I was rubbish and how I wouldn't get a decent job when I'm older and even when I went to Hogwarts, she was telling me how I wouldn't be able to get into university—"

"That's sort of school after seventh year for Muggles, isn't it?"

"Yeah. And, oh, I don't know, loads of reasons. Until I got to Hogwarts. Then, even my parents started to be more proud of me. But until then, that was my back-up plan. If all goes badly, just leave the world and you never have to come back. It seemed easy at the time."

"Didn't it also seem stupid at the time? I mean, I can tell that you're really scared of heights. Otherwise, you wouldn't have fallen when all you did was look down," said James with astonishing astuteness.

"Well, what you just did was really stupid, too," Lily said matter-of-factly, without thinking. _So typical Gryffindor,_ she thought.

_And it was nothing like a Gryffindor to attempt suicide in the first place,_ another annoying voice chided to her in her head.

"I know," James sighed, his voice only slightly hoarse. He turned on his side, looking at her. He thought she looked beautiful in the starlight, even with the tears still shining on her face, looking silver in the light, and her not-so-neat hair which looked radiant, even with her irritable expression.

"I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I insulted you and I'm sorry I followed you up here and — and I'm sorry for everything, Evans." _Except for saving your life,_ he added silently. "I didn't mean it, any of it. I swear to Godric, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. I'll leave, OK?"

Unbidden, Lily felt a sickening feeling of remorse. She was so bloody ungrateful.. He had just saved her bloody _life_ and all she could say to her saviour was, "It was really stupid."

He made to get up but Lily, without thinking, reached up, grabbed his hands and pulled him down again. James looked more than perplexed at Lily's actions and she herself didn't know what she was going to do, only that their faces were being brought closer and closer, their breath mingling, their noses a fraction of a centimetre away from one another until…

CRASH.

James and Lily quickly looked up; the din was clearly from the heavy door opening and banging against the wall. With that, the pair scrambled up, Lily still holding one of James' hands as he bit his lip, thinking about what a bad rep he would have with whatever teacher had discovered them — what if he was in such serious trouble for being out of bounds that he would no longer be Head Boy?

He was brought out of his reverie as the newcomer came out onto the rampart, breathless. There was a familiar piece of parchment in his hand…

"What the hell are you doing with that, Snape?" James demanded, attempting to snatch it from him. After a second, James understood: Snape had seen the Map lying on the floor where James had dropped it, found Lily's dot and had the same idea as James did — only James beat him to it.

Snape quickly switched the Map to his other hand. "Finders, keepers, Potter," he said nastily, still breathing laboriously after running up the steps.

Furious, James withdrew his wand from inside his robes and muttered, "iAccio Map!" There was an indignant look on Snape's pallid face as the Map flew out of his hands and James caught it, singlehandedly, and stuffed it into his pocket.

"Losers, weepers," James shot back. He hoped that he could wipe it non-verbally; thinking, _Mischief managed_ he saw from inside his pocket that the lines.

Lily was watching the exchange with narrowed eyes. However, she decided against asking James what it was, particularly as he had just saved her life. She also noticed that her and James' hands were still clasped, which was why he was doing everything one-handed.

"What d'you want?" she asked finally to Snape. Her green eyes were alive with belligerence and something else which was less easy to identify.

Snape was silent. "What do you want?" Lily repeated impatiently. "After what you did to me, if you think I'm going to forgive you, you've got another think coming, Severus. Go away."

He stared resolutely at her, his black eyes moving rapidly, taking in the parapet, Lily's missing shoe, her hand which was clasped with James', even her messy hair (which was on a par with James', and that was saying something). Comprehension seemed to dawn, and then a knowing look entered those ever emotionless ebony orbs, as if that was exactly what he expected, that he knew what had been about to happen. Several seconds, or maybe minutes, passed, until at last, he shook his head, turned around and swept off into the darkness of the unlit Astronomy Tower.

There was silence as Snape left. Lily realised that she was still holding James' hand and she let go of it instantly. The silence continued as Lily searched for something to say, something that didn't involve Snape in any way. Fortunately, James broke the silence pretty quickly.

"Now, Evans, allow me to retrieve your missing shoe from the earth below," James offered with a grin.

"All right, team, listen up," James called over the chatter of his teammates in the changing room the next day.

The talking died out almost instantly. James smiled at his team; he was so proud of all of them. "Right, today the plan is very simple: we're gonna kick Slytherin's arses! And if their arses are bruised in the process, even better.

"I'm counting on all of you, guys. It's my last year as Captain, and I know you'll all miss me—"

At this point, Marlene and Diana coughed exaggeratedly.

"And of course, Lena and Diana will miss me the most," James continued, a grin on his face. "Conditions are better than they were yesterday but they're not excellent, so bear that in mind. Guys — do us proud, yeah? We've won the Cup for three bloody years running—"

"And we'll bloody well win it for the fourth year too," Gideon and Fabian Prewett said together. They were a right pair, the Prewett brothers, and despite having a year between them, they looked almost exactly alike.

"You're all bloody brilliant," James told them fiercely. "Alana, you're a brilliant Keeper. Gideon, Fabian, you're great Beaters. Vicky, you're the best Seeker we've ever had," (at this point, Victoria Vane, a third-year, blushed furiously at James' words) "and Marlene and Diana, you're both the most gorgeous and wonderful Chasers I've ever met."

"You as well," said Lena promptly. "We couldn't do anything without you, James."

"Yeah," Diana added, with a grin. "Although I can't exactly call you gorgeous—"

"Oh, Di, I know that you've secretly been pining for me for so many years," James teased. "You and I both know just how gorgeous I am; don't be afraid to be open about your feelings for me…"

"Bet you wouldn't want Lily hearing you say that," Diana muttered under her breath.

Marlene heard and she chuckled softly, although without any real emotion. She wasn't used to Diana and Zoey, despite being their roommate for the last six years. Marlene had always been with Mary and Lily, and for some reason, when she was with Di and Zoey, she tended to think that two was company and three a crowd.

But before Lena knew it, James was already announcing to the team, "It's time. Come on, let's go, guys."

With that, the Gryffindor Quidditch team followed their Captain out onto the Quidditch pitch, amidst cheering from their fellow Gryffindors as well as the vast majority of the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs.

"On the Slytherin team, we have…Fletcher, Macmillan, Greengrass, Corner, Rosier, Warrington, and the Captain, Black." Mary MacDonald's voice echoed around the stadium, loud and clear against the cheers from the sea of green-clad supporters and the much louder boos and jeers which were emanating from the rest of the red and gold stadium.

"Of course, the Gryffindor team isn't sexist like the Slytherin team is," Mary told the audience loftily, "which is why they actually have some _girls_ on the team as well as boys. In fact," she added with a smirk, to enthusiastic applause, "the girls happen to outnumber the boys and—"

"Miss MacDonald, I would like to remind you that this is not a debating competition, it is a Quidditch match."

"Sorry, Professor. So, on the Gryffindor team…we've got Potter, who's Captain, Abbott, McKinnon, Williams, Prewett, Prewett and Vane!" This time, the jeering from the Slytherins was inaudible compared to the Gryffindor supporters' collective roar.

"Captains, shake hands," ordered the referee and flying instructor, Madam Hooch. James grudgingly held out his hand to Regulus Black, who had just become Captain this year, and Regulus extended two fingers, which he allowed to be briefly grasped by James before withdrawing them. James shot him an annoyed look; why did he always have to make a scene of things like this?

"Mount your brooms," said Madam Hooch, almost shouting now over the sound of the wind. There was also a light drizzle falling from the sky, but not enough to impair the players' vision, thankfully. "On the count of three…one…two…three!"

The fourteen players shot up into the air, the restraints on Bludgers and Snitch were taken off, the Quaffle was released into the air and the game began.

"And James Potter immediately takes possession of the Quaffle," Mary said, and James managed to catch her eye and smile at her for a quarter of a second before he zoomed towards the Slytherin Keeper's hoops at the other end of the pitch. Rosier and Corner, the Beaters, encircled James, trying to get into his way. Fabian noticed this and powerfully whacked a Bludger at Rosier, who swerved to dodge it. "And it looks like he's heading straight for the goal — no holding back for Potter, it seems!"

Finally, James had a clear path and he scored.

"And I think that James Potter has just beaten the Hogwarts record for the earliest goal in the game, at precisely sixteen and a half seconds into the match!"

There was an outburst of screaming from the Gryffindors as they shouted encouragement at James; he looked below at the stands and saw Lily, who was sitting next to Remus, who was with Peter and Sirius. She grinned at him, as though suddenly at ease, and then it disappeared as she mouthed, "Behind you!"

James only just managed to get out of the way of a ferociously hit Bludger from Evan Rosier. Furious, James got back in the game just as Gideon slammed a Bludger in Rosier's direction in return. He was pleased to see that it hit its mark, and Gideon belligerently stuck up his middle finger in Rosier's direction as the Bludger thudded into him. James was relieved to see that Madam Hooch did not notice this, because he was sure that she would have awarded the Slytherins a penalty if she did. He listened closely; Mary's commentary was telling him that Marlene had just got possession of the Quaffle.

Marlene passed the Quaffle to Zoey, who passed it immediately to James, and he pelted towards the goal again with it. He scored, amid raucous applause from the Gryffindor supporters.

"And the Gryffindor team has, once again, been put together by their wonderful captain, James Potter," Mary was saying. "It's his last year, you see. I see he put Vicky Vane on the team this year — apparently she's going out with the Beater, Gideon Prewett, but hopefully their relationship—"

"MISS MACDONALD! _This is not a dating agency!_"

Slytherin had possession again, and James was about to zoom after John Fletcher, who now had the Quaffle. Luckily, in the force of the dive, Fletcher accidentally dropped the red ball — something that Mary was quick to acknowledge and criticise — and James lunged forwards to receive it when a streak of red light appeared in his direction, and he quickly moved his broom backwards to avoid it, his eyes widening in shock.

Although many Gryffindors shouted their anger, Madam Hooch did not believe them because she did not witness the incident. She passed it off as the lightning, as the weather became steadily worse as the game went on. James, Marlene and Zoey scored three goals apiece, bringing the score to one hundred and ten to thirty. After James' third goal, he did a celebratory spin on his broom at their success. However, the Keeper, Adrian Warrington, yelled to James (who looked up in surprise, hovering on the spot) over the imminent thunder: "Oi, Potter, I know you look like a ballerina but do you have to act like one too?"

At that moment, many things happened at once: cheers erupted from the other end of the stands where the Gryffindors were as Victoria Vane caught the Snitch; the other players halted in their play and the Gryffindor players, apart from James, starting yelling incoherently; at the same time, a bolt of light travelled from somewhere in the middle of the stands and directly to James' chest and Mary, the commentator, said, through her magical microphone, "YES! Gryffindor have won the match! Seeker Victoria Vane caught the Snitch, the final score is two hundred and sixty to forty and…oh my God, what's happened to James? Professor! PROFESSOR!"

The spectators stopped mid-cheer to see what the commentator was talking about; it was clear that Mary was distressed with whatever was wrong with James and they were right: James had fallen, and he was lying there on the ground, his eyes closed, his chest covered in a dark scarlet, sticky-looking substance which was visible even against his scarlet robes.

It was blood, and James' eyes closed as he lay there, wholly unaware of the first of his Quidditch team's victories in his final year at Hogwarts.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Phew! JKR's totally right when she said that it was difficult to write Quidditch matches. Bleugh, what a nightmare of a match for James! I needed something to even out the darkness in this chapter, with Lily NOT committing suicide in the end — thank God. I hope I handled the whole subject of suicide well enough because I'm really nervous about it. Tell me what you thought, please! And then I'll tell you what I thought of what you told me you thought, if that made any sense at all. (And even if it doesn't, please review anyway. :D)


	7. Wishful Thinking

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

OK, to make up for submitting the last chapter so late, I've decided to post this one a wee bit early. I don't think I'll ever be entirely happy with this chapter, but I thought, again, I needed to ease the tension a bit. It's still there, though. :) James has just been cursed by an unknown spectator, directly after his Seeker caught the Snitch. What will happen next? Will he find out? And how will Lily cope with her and James' new friendship?

James Potter was in a warm, comfortable bed. He could hear soft voices around him and he was quite sure that he wasn't dreaming as he opened his eyes a fraction. After a moment, he tried again and this time he managed to open them properly. At once, the soft voices turned frantic and excited as they realised he was awake, and James shook his head, trying to get rid of the loud sounds.

"Hey, be quiet! If you guys want to make noise by all means go outside." James smiled at Sirius' voice, ever authoritative at the best of times.

"What…what happened, Sirius?" James managed to say, as he attempted to sit up in his bed. This proved to be more difficult that he first thought; James' chest seemed to be wrapped in bandages, which made his whole body stiff and unresponsive to movement of any kind. Remus, who James had just noticed was sitting next to him, helped him into a sitting position. Peter and Remus laughed as James seemed to cower at all the faces huddled around his bed.

"Give the man some air, will you?" Peter said to the crowd at large from his chair near the bed. Immediately, they moved back several paces, and James was able to breathe again and take in who was there: all of the Quidditch team, who were sopping wet and still clutching their brooms, and several Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws — Alice Wilkes, Maria Alessio, Scott Manslow, Matilda Fawcett and Jacob Goldstein who were all in seventh year and, sitting next to Alice with a concerned expression on her face, was the person James least expected to be there: Lily Evans.

James asked again, "What happened?"

"We won," Sirius replied, grinning. "At the exact moment when Vicky caught the Snitch—" (at this moment, the entire room erupted in cheers, only quelled by a stern look from Madam Pomfrey, already in a bad mood because of all the visitors; Victoria blushed scarlet even as she was rain-sodden) "—something was going on down the Slytherins' end, and someone hexed you."

"We don't know who cast the hex or what hex it was," Remus added. "There was blood, though — loads of it."

"I was so scared," said Lily. "We all were. We thought you were dead or something."

"Well, he's not," said Peter, stating the very obvious, which made James chuckle lightly. "Anyway, the score at the end was two hundred and sixty to forty. You guys smashed it, mate! And the record…that was brilliant!"

"Yeah, but it wouldn't have happened without…"

As James went off into a long-winded explanation about the goals he scored and the performance of the rest of the team, the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws who had come to visit James said their goodbyes and left, as soon as they saw that James was OK. Soon after, the Quidditch team also bade James goodnight, coupled with pats on the back to James and comforting murmurs that they'd find the perpetrator and do something nasty back to them.

Madam Pomfrey watched them go disapprovingly, immediately cleaning up their muddy footprints with her wand. The only people left were Sirius, Peter, Remus and Lily.

James noticed that Lily was still there and he gathered, from the expectant look on her face, that she wanted a word with him. He waited patiently for Peter to finish talking about whatever it was he was talking about before James held up his hand.

"Guys, can…can you give us two minutes, please?" he asked the three of them. Sirius opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but then he thought better of it, nodded and, together with Remus and Peter, left the hospital wing.

"What's up, Evans?" asked James.

Lily looked slightly uncomfortable. "I…erm…I just wanted to say thanks," she finally mumbled. "For…for what happened yesterday. I was such an idiot…"

"Don't worry about it," James said gently. "You could never be an idiot, Evans."

"Oh, trust me, I was. I still am. And then, seeing you there, with all that blood on your chest, well, I wasn't joking, Potter," she said slightly shakily. "I honestly thought you were dead. And…and I don't know what I would've done. I mean, you've seen how badly I reacted to Will's death. Imagine what…" she trailed off, hoping that James would know what she meant.

Unfortunately for her, he didn't. Lily tried again. "Imagine what…how I would've reacted if you died, too…"

"Why would I be any different?" he asked diffidently.

"What do you mean?"

"How am I any different from William?"

"'Cause Will…he pissed me off sometimes. Not in a bad way, just — there were things that he did that I didn't like."

As Lily said it, the words rang a bell as she remembered herself saying something rather similar to someone else.

"And I don't do things you don't like?"

"Not so much this year, actually," Lily admitted. She thought about last night, how they'd seemed to click. She tried to imagine Will coming up there and trying to get her to come down — if he had attempted to save her she knew, somehow, for a fact, that he wouldn't have been able to manage it. "It's more than that. Will was a good person. For a while he was a mate. I don't know…I just see you differently from how I see Will, I suppose."

"You don't see me as a friend? Or do you?"

Silence.

"Lily, as stupid a question it is to ask, what are we?"

There was silence — a contemplative silence — as Lily thought for what seemed like eternity. "We're…we're friends," Lily finally said, slowly. "We're friends, aren't we?"

"We are?" James said, surprised. Up until now, he had hardly considered himself Lily's friend. But then he remembered what had happened the previous night, and her smiling face in the Quidditch stands, the most beautiful face amongst the other Gryffindor supporters…

"Yeah," said Lily, nodding. "We are. We're good friends." It was as if she was deciding that, on the spot, as if she was unsure of it before, but James could tell that the certainty was there in her emerald eyes. "You saved my life, James. I owe you a hell of a lot."

"You do?"

"Yeah," she repeated faintly. "That is — of course — if you _want_ to be friends." The last was said with a hint of a rare smile.

James, however, was slightly disappointed; he didn't want to ruin his chances of going out with Lily by agreeing to being _friends_ with her.

But then James thought of Peter's words, how James should just stick to being friends with her, nothing more…

"Of _course_ I want to be friends! After all, I never seem to have enough of them. Look at the lovely thank-you present one of the Slytherins left me," James said, indicating his bandages with a rueful smile. "I bet it was Snape," he muttered under his breath.

Lily's eyes widened for a second, and then she eyed his chest with a determined look on her face. "We'll get them. Whoever's done it to you — we'll get them back."

_"Lily, I made up this new spell!" Severus told Lily excitedly as they and their fellow fifth-years emerged from a Transfiguration lesson._

Mary MacDonald was with Lily and the two of them left the classroom. Mary threw Severus a dirty look and told Lily she'd see her later in the Great Hall; there was no way she was going to be in the same room as Snape after what Mulciber did to her.

"What kind of spell?" Lily asked interestedly, as she watched Mary go slightly regretfully. Some of his spells were just downright funny, like the one where you glued someone's tongue to the roof of their mouth. She'd considered trying it on Potter, just to get him to shut up. Others weren't so funny but Sev never used them in Lily's company; he only told her about them. So Lily, as always, gave him the benefit of the doubt.

"Well, put it this way," Severus said quietly as they stopped in the Entrance Hall, "if anyone ever tries anything on you, Lily, this is the spell to use."

"What's it called?"

"Well, the incantation is Sectumsempra._"_

"That doesn't sound very nice. How did you come up with that?"

"Well, I practised on an animal, just to see the effects, because they're quite—"

"Sev," she said in her sternest tone, "what've you done?"

"Nothing!" he protested. "I swear to Salazar that I've never used it on anyone. That is, not anyone human, anyway."

"Then why did you make it up?"

"For fun," Severus replied simply. "Anyway, what it does is it sort of acts like a knife, but kind of loads of knives at once — handy if you're ever chopping something which will take ages. It's like one of those Muggle machines that butchers use, in a way. But the cuts that are made aren't very sharp—"

"Severus, this is another one of your Death Eater ideas, isn't it? So there's blood involved too? That's assault!"

"Only if you use it on a person," Severus argued. "And no one in their right mind would do that, unless they're really pissing you off—"

"Is Snape pissing you off, Evans?" James interrupted their conversation by coming up from behind them. "And what are you using on a person?"

"None of your business and no, Potter, Sev isn't pissing me off, but you are, so I'd like you_ to piss off," Lily retorted._

"I'll piss off if you go out with me, Evans," James said. That was his bloody catch-phrase, it was. It was the only thing he seemed to be able to say to Lily.

"In your dreams," Lily told him loftily. "Like I'd ever want to go out with an arrogant toe-rag like you. Come on, Severus." And, with that, she grabbed Snape's wrist and pulled him off in the direction of the Great Hall. Just outside the doors, however, she stopped. "Listen, Severus, I don't care how ingenious that spell of yours is, or how much someone's pissing you off; just don't use it. Promise me that you won't. Please."

"Why not?"

"Why not? Why not?_ Because it could bloody well kill someone, that's _why not!_"_

"No, actually, I've found out that the only way you can kill someone with a spell like that is if you have two or more wands using the same spell. It's not half as effective non-verbally, though. The louder you shout it, the better, really, I've found. So you could have loads of people casting Sectumsempra_ or you could use more than one wand by yourself—"_

"No, that's it, Sev, I don't want to hear another word, OK? Please, don't use the spell, whatever you do, and I swear to Godric, if you do use it I'll never speak to you again."

Lily caught a glimpse of Mary before she was lost in the deep sea of students again, and she turned to enter the Great Hall. "See you, Severus," she said, before flouncing away. He watched her go wistfully, thinking — well, then again, there was never any point in wishful thinking, as it never got very far.

By noon on Monday, James was discharged — reluctantly, of course — from the hospital wing. He joined Remus, Sirius and Peter for lunch and then he, Remus and Sirius went to Charms. Peter had a free period, having only picked three NEWT subjects, unlike James and Sirius, who had picked the same five subjects, and Remus, who had picked seven NEWT subjects, five of which were the same as James' and Sirius'.

James' chest bore no signs of the slashes which were present on Saturday, and Madam Pomfrey thought that it would be best that James remained blissfully unaware of the severity of his attack. Professor Dumbledore agreed with her wholeheartedly, knowing that James and his friends felt resentful enough at the perpetrator as it was, without knowing the full nature of the incident.

The Marauders, minus Peter, arrived in the Charms classroom, greeting Mary, Lily and Marlene individually, as they were all sitting in desks far away from one other, surly looks on each of their faces. Clearly Mary and Lily had had an argument and Marlene wasn't talking to either of them anyway.

Professor Flitwick, however, did not pay any heed to the change in seating today; instead, as they had plenty of work to do, he immediately began the lesson. Just as the lesson ended, however, there was a ruckus outside the classroom, and the entire class heard the sounds of swearing and thumping as it sounded like two people had fell down the stairs. Without a second thought, Flitwick dismissed them and left the classroom, his wand drawn, intending to deal with whatever the situation was.

"Wonder what went on?" Sirius muttered as he packed up his things. James shook his head and glanced out of the window, where he noticed Snape and Montague emerging from Care of Magical Creatures. He couldn't hear what Snape was shouting about, but it was evident from his expression that he was angry.

James felt a wave of anger himself as remembered what Lily told him about Snape. What kind of bastard, even the most bastardised bastard, would ever even _think_ of raising a hand to a girl? That was the lowest of lows in James' opinion. And Katie didn't help much either, by ticking Snape off that much, and then going back on her words and bloody _defending_ him!

Seeing them gave him an idea — a reckless one, and one that smelt of Sirius, but one that would nevertheless give him the satisfaction he needed.

First, he waited for most of the class to disappear. Finally, the only people left in the classroom were himself, Remus and Sirius. Raising his wand and pointing it at his throat, James whispered, "_Sonorus!_"

Then, in a loud, magnified voice which carried throughout the grounds of Hogwarts, James said, "Katie Montague is a two-faced coward! And Severus Snape is a coward _and_ a bastard!"

After his pronouncement, James immediately ducked his head, which was a smart thing to do, because at that moment Snape looked up, furious, wondering where the voice was coming from.

"Wow, Prongs," said Sirius admiringly as James stood up again. "I never thought you had it in you, mate."

"Neither did I," said Remus, frowning. "And that's not a compliment, by the way."

"It was for Lily," James replied staunchly.

Lily couldn't believe what she just heard. James had just humiliated both Katie Montague and Severus Snape, in plain earshot of anyone in the school. Now, Severus would be after James' blood — again. She was almost completely sure, now, that it was Severus who cursed James on the day of the Quidditch match. It couldn't have been anyone else, unless Severus told other people about his invention, and she doubted that would be true, because Severus had never been one to share his ideas to anyone — except her, of course.

Still, she couldn't help but feel a reluctant admiration for James' daring. His voice was distinctive; he was bound to be caught sooner or later. And when he was, Lily wasn't sure how badly reprimanded he would be; she hoped that nothing would hinder his role as Head Boy, because she rather enjoyed their shared duties and patrols. Not that she would admit that to him, of course.

However, Lily's suspicions proved to be untrue, because the next few days went by without incident and, slowly, things seemed to get back to normal. She hadn't received any more notes from the kidnappers, which was a relief. Lily was finally back on speaking terms with Mary and the only thing left on Lily's conscience, apart from the whereabouts of Jenna and Layla, was James' curser.

Because she knew perfectly well who it was. She was the only one who knew, in actual fact. Lily even remembered the name of the spell: _Sectumsempra._ The thought of anyone using it on her filled her with dread.

And although Dumbledore had seemed to turn a blind eye (or, according to the circumstances, a deaf ear) to James' proclamation which the entire school heard, the headmaster did warn the school of the repercussions of the uses of Dark Magic in any circumstances, but especially in the Wizarding world's current situation, while they were at war.

"I would like to ask whoever it was who cast that spell on our Head Boy and Gryffindor Quidditch Captain, James Potter, to come forward. Or, if you know who was responsible I urge you to inform a member of staff, or, indeed, myself, immediately. I hope I have made myself clear," Dumbledore finished gravely, as the students sat at the dinner tables the afternoon after the match.

Lily didn't know what to do; torn between loyalty for James, who she had begun to speak with a lot more now that they had ascertained exactly _what_ they were to each other, and fear of ramification from Severus if she _did_ decide to inform Dumbledore of her worries, which, even now, she wasn't sure were completely right.

James and Lily had become much more at ease with each other; no longer did Lily feel the need to be defensive in his presence and no longer did James feel the need to ask Lily out at every opportunity, a habit which he had eschewed at the end of his sixth year.

Their recently established friendship was the only thing that Lily could hold on to. And she did not want to lose this by telling James who she thought hexed him, especially because that would mean explaining how she knew, which would lead to a further analysis of her association with Severus. That was the last thing she needed.

She noticed that Severus no longer looked at her with that strange look on his face, which she had never for the life of her been able to identify. Instead, his pallid face was filled with a superior indifference she had never seen before.

Lily registered Severus' sneer as she entered the Transfiguration classroom in the last week of November; she mentally kicked herself for her subject choices, which matched Severus' almost exactly, meaning they were in the same lessons for nearly everything. She grinned at James, who waved at her, and Snape watched their exchange with narrowed eyes and a strange expression on his face.

"Settle down, now," said Professor McGonagall, entering the classroom. The room quietened down at once; McGonagall was one of the few professors who had the uncanny ability to control a class without raising her voice.

However, at that moment, Sirius noticed Snape's facial expression, frowning. "What's up with Snivellus?" he muttered to James.

"To start with, let us recap on what you learnt last lesson…"

"What do you mean?" James hissed back.

"Look at his…"

"Mr Potter!" Professor McGonagall said sharply, interrupting their conversation. "Perhaps you can answer my question, as you seem so eager to converse with Mr Black today."

"Sorry, Professor," James mumbled. "Er…what was the question, again?"

McGonagall sighed. "I asked the class what the most typical sensation is felt during human Transfiguration."

"A tingling sensation is felt in the part of the body which is being Transfigured," said James promptly, "and, in the case of Animagi, the entire body vibrates slightly too, but in a pleasant way. The tingling is felt more in the lower parts of the body and the most in the feet—"

"Yes, yes, Mr Potter, thank you very much for your extensive explanation," McGonagall interrupted, her expression one of surprise mingled with amusement. "So, today, we will be practising the more complex process of the removal of human Transfiguration. Do not put your books away — you may need them later on in the lesson. I will divide you into pairs and your partner will perform a Transfiguring spell on you. This can be anything which is not harmful, such as changing the colour and texture of your partner's hair or the material of their robes, or something else of your choice. You have the first half of lesson to remove or counteract the spell and its effect — you know the incantation and the theory from the last two lessons, and you may discuss it with your partner, so let's see what you can do…"

With that, Professor McGonagall began putting them into pairs. "Mr Black, you'll be with Miss Hopkirk." Sirius grinned at Mafalda Hopkirk, who stood up and walked next to him with a soppy smile on her face. "Mr Madley, you'll be with Miss Wilkes. Mr Snape, you…you will be with Mr Smith. Mr Lupin, with Miss MacDonald, please…" McGonagall continued to pair them up, until, finally, there were four people left: James, Peter, Lily and Mulciber.

"Mr Pettigrew, with Mr Mulciber, if you please. And that leaves Miss Evans with Mr Potter."

Peter looked positively petrified at the prospect of working with Mulciber, who was known for his ferocity and his disregard for anything moral. James attempted a smile at him, but it might've been more of a grimace, because James was relieved that he was working with Lily, rather than Mulciber, as selfish as that was.

"You may begin," McGonagall told them. At once, the class' volume leapt up as they started the work. It was difficult work, which was why they were in pairs.

"OK," said James, smiling at Lily. "So, I was thinking, I'll change the colour of your hair, but I don't know what colour to do it."

"Brown's fine," Lily replied. "Once I did dye my hair brown and it looked all right — and I know I'm going to struggle with taking it off so I don't want to look stupid."

"Why are you going to struggle? You're good at Transfiguration," James said, confused. "Haven't you been getting 'A's and 'E's in your essays and stuff?"

"That doesn't mean I know it," Lily told him dryly. "I don't _know_ Transfiguration like you do, James. I wouldn't be able to give such a long explanation just on what happens when you Transfigure someone."

James chuckled. "What are you going to do to me, then?"

"Erm…I don't know. I'll have a go at giving you a beard, how about that?"

"As long as you give me a nice one," James said, sniggering. "All right…I'll go first, shall I? I'll make Lily Evans a curly-haired brunette."

He raised his wand and began to twirl it in such a complicated manner that it made Lily dizzy as she watched him. Then James muttered something, and Lily did indeed feel a light tingling sensation, exactly as James described it, on her scalp, and she felt her hair change and become shorter. The feeling ceased after a few seconds and Lily tentatively put her hand to her hair and felt unfamiliarly smooth, curly locks.

James conjured a small mirror for her to see her reflection; Lily laughed as she just about recognised her own face underneath her brown hair.

"Your turn, Lily," James reminded her, putting the mirror down.

Lily pointed her wand uncertainly at James' face. Biting her lip, she thought of the incantation in her head and waved her wand, and, surprisingly enough, James sprouted a messy-looking dark beard.

James grabbed the mirror to have a look and burst out laughing. "At least make it a bit neater — it looks like I haven't shaved properly!"

"It was the best I could do," Lily mumbled, but James was barely listening.

"Thankfully I think I do know how to get rid of this pretty quickly," he said. With some more intricate moves with his wand, James muttered spells under his breath until at last, the beard was gone completely.

Lily watched him, marvelling at how easily James worked in Transfiguration — she wished she could do that.

Then again, there was no point in wishful thinking, was there?

That evening, Lily decided to get started on the Transfiguration homework with Mary, who was hurriedly finishing off her Defence Against the Dark Arts essay, which was due two weeks ago (Professor Frensham had given Mary the deadline of midnight in their DADA lesson earlier on in the day).

As Mary rushed off to Professor Frensham's office at five to twelve, Lily looked up to see James, Sirius and Peter emerging from the dormitory. She got up, intending to ask James for help with the Transfiguration homework.

"James? Can you help me? Are you busy?" she asked.

He looked rather sheepish as he nodded.

"What are you doing?" Lily enquired, frowning. What on earth was so urgent that James had to do at midnight on a Monday?

"Er…"

"Prongs, we've got to go," Peter interrupted. "We'll see you there, OK?"

James nodded. "Don't be long," Sirius added warningly.

Lily was bewildered; what the hell was going on?

"James…what're you doing with them?" she said apprehensively.

"I can't say, Lily," James replied seriously. "I've just got to go. I'll help you with your work tomorrow, all right?"

"But…"

"Lily," James cut her off, taking her hand and looking at her earnestly, "I'm sorry, but I've really got to go."

"What's the secret?"

"It's not my secret to tell, so I'm afraid I can't tell you." James' tone was apologetic. "I'm going…see you."

And with that, he left.

Lily was disappointed; that much was obvious. She was also annoyed with herself for being disappointed — surely James had better things to do than help Lily with her bloody homework — and besides, what was James to her anyway? He wasn't anything more to her than a friend. He meant no more to her than Mary, or what Marlene used to mean to her.

What if he was meeting with his girlfriend? Assuming he had one, of course. It did explain why he wouldn't want to tell her — maybe he wanted to keep her a secret or something. Lily mentally slapped herself as she caught up with her thoughts; why the hell did _she_ care, anyway?

_Because _you_ secretly want to be that girlfriend,_ said a chiding voice in her head.

She kicked herself again at her thoughts. There was no reason for her to even think about fantasising about James like that. After all, wishful thinking never did her — or anyone else — any good, did it?

**Chapter End Notes:**

Please review. I'm telling you, they're like blueberry muffins. I adore them and will always respond to them. :D


	8. Hogsmeade Visits And Hiccupping Hearts

As always, ta to Alex and Stacey for beta'ing this. I enjoyed writing this chapter. (Is that wrong?) Lily has just realised that maybe, just maybe, she might actually fancy James Potter. Will anything happen? Read to find out! 

"The next Hogsmeade visit is coming up," Lily informed Mary at dinner time a few days later. "Are you going?"

Mary nodded. "Remus is going with me," she replied.

"That's — that's good."

"I can cancel with him if you want to come with me," Mary offered. Lily smiled at her best friend, wondering what in the world she had done to deserve such a nice mate. Not many people would go so far as to refuse a date just to make sure Lily had someone to go to the village with.

"No, it's fine, Mary," Lily assured her. "I'll be in the common room doing homework. I have a ton of it as it is, so I might as well make a start on it at some point. Have fun with Remus."

Mary smiled. "Oh, we definitely will," she said cheerfully. "And if you do change your mind and decide to come, you're welcome to join us at The Three Broomsticks."

"And interrupt you guys? It's OK, Mary. If, by some kind of miracle, I _do_ decide to go, I'll meet up with Alice or Davina or Michelle — provided they don't all have dates too. And if not, I'll just have to go to the Shrieking Shack, won't I?"

Mary shuddered. "No, whatever you do, love, don't go there. It's haunted!"

"Rumours," Lily dismissed. "They're just rumours, nothing more. It's not like there's really anyone in there."

"Anyway," Mary said, "who's to say that _you're_ not going to be asked to Hogsmeade?"

"Who would go out with me? 'Poor, little me'?"

"Actually," said a male voice from behind her, "_I_ wouldn't mind going out with you, Lily." Lily whipped around, and Mary smirked as her best friend's face went almost as red as her hair.

"So…what d'you say, Lily?" asked Scott Manslow when she didn't reply. "Will you come to Hogsmeade with me?"

"I — er — no, sorry, Scott," Lily spluttered. "Sorry, it's just that I'm busy on Saturday. I've got no time. But, er, thanks for asking."

With that, Lily pushed away her plate and stood up slightly unsteadily. After a couple of wobbles, she managed to walk away from the table. Mary ran after her, also abandoning her food.

"See! What did I tell you?"

"One guy, Mary," Lily said. "And he'll be the only one, trust me."

"And why did you say no? He's quite good-looking, you know—"

"I thought you were already taken," Lily countered as they reached the Entrance Hall. She upped her pace and Mary had to jog to keep up with her.

"I only said that he was good-looking," Mary argued. "That doesn't mean anything. I'm just…appreciating beauty."

Lily laughed out loud. Some of the things Mary came out with…they really were laughable. "I'm not in the mood for boys right now, OK?"

"Is there some secret bloke that I don't know about yet?" asked Mary teasingly. "Maybe in the year below us?"

"There's no one," Lily told her friend truthfully. _I wish there was,_ she thought wistfully. "Not that anyone would ever fall for me."

Mary swatted her on the shoulder as she finally caught up with Lily. "_Plenty_ of boys would fall for you — you know that, Lily. I shouldn't have to tell you this. You watch, babe, and yes you're a babe, there'll be guys _queuing_ up to ask you to go to Hogsmeade with them. Wait and see. I'm always right. Well. I'm always right about _this_ kind of thing, anyway," Mary amended.

"Yeah, right," Lily scoffed sarcastically.

However, despite Lily's scathing words, over the next week she was indeed asked out by four other boys: Jacob Goldstein, Anthony Chung, Raymond Rickett and even a sixth-year, Kian Robinson. Lily refused all of them, noting bitterly that if William was alive, he definitely would've asked her too.

She tried, at least, to let down the sixth-year gently — she had gone out with him once before after all. "I'm sorry, Kian," she apologised. "I just don't have the time…I'm busy with homework and stuff. If I come later on in the day, I'll try and find you," Lily said, attempting to reassure him. Kian nodded sadly, accepting defeat.

"Kian's quite dishy, you know," Alice Wilkes said as they went into Transfiguration together. "If I wasn't with someone already …"

"Oh, have you found someone?" Lily asked, surprised.

Alice grinned. "I have, I think — his name's Frank and he's meeting me tomorrow in Hogsmeade."

"Good for you, Alice, good for you," Lily intoned a tad monotonously. The amount of people in seventh year who were single was rapidly decreasing; even Sirius had managed to beat his own relationship record (of two months) going out with Michelle Clearwater. All around Lily were couples, couples and more couples.

She was also rather frustrated about the fact that James didn't ask her; somehow, she knew in the back of her mind that she would like to go to Hogsmeade with him, even though her head was telling her what a disaster it would be. So she was extremely taken aback when, on Friday night, the day before the trip, James did just that.

Lily was helping him with his Charms homework, which was to practise a complicated warming charm. James was having a lot of trouble with it. With Lily's assistance he had finally mastered the charm, but it had taken them so long that they were ten minutes late for their eleven o'clock patrol.

Quickly, James dashed back to his room to put away his Charms book. After this Lily and James began their hurried patrol, discussing random things and managing to finish by midnight. Clearly, the troublemakers at Hogwarts had decided to behave themselves that night.

When James and Lily reached Gryffindor Tower again, Lily saw someone lying on one of the sofas and decided to let him or her be just this once — she was too knackered to tell someone else off at the moment. They both went to their dormitory, yawning as they said the password for the Heads' common room. Lily was just about to head for her bedroom when James stopped her.

"I heard you had quite a few requests for Hogsmeade lately," James said, most of his sleepiness gone as he ran his hand through his hair.

"I did, yeah," Lily replied, watching him suspiciously. Where was he going with this?

"Did you accept any of them?"

She shook her head.

"Why not?"

"I…I don't know. I didn't feel like it, I suppose," Lily said.

James took a deep breath before coming straight out with it.

"Lily, can you…can you come to Hogsmeade…with me?" he asked.

"With you? I—" Lily began, fully intending on giving him the excuse that she had given to Scott, Jacob, Anthony, Raymond and Kian about studying. However, the look on James' face stopped her.

"It could well be the last time you ever go, Lily," James told her. "You might not get a chance, later on—"

"I thought you'd stopped asking me out at every opportunity?" Lily said before she could stop herself. James' face fell and she felt a crashing wave of guilt as she realised what she'd just said.

"I'm sorry, James," Lily said sincerely. "Look — I'll go with you, OK?"

"Out of pity? Or maybe 'cause you feel sorry for me? I'm OK, thanks, Lily," James replied calmly, although she was sure she could see a hint of anger deep within his hazel eyes.

Lily had never wished that the floor would open and swallow her up as much as she did now.

He started to walk away from her. But before he could reach his bedroom, he felt a hand on his arm, and he turned around slowly. Lily took it as a good sign that he didn't remove her hand from him.

"What?"

"Can you come to Hogsmeade with me?" Lily asked softly. "As my friend, James?"

There was a long, pregnant pause.

"I didn't mean what I said," Lily added hastily. "I know you don't—"

"I — yeah," James interrupted her suddenly. Lily looked at him strangely. "I — OK. I'll go with you. I'll — I'll see you then, Lily."

With that, James opened his door and disappeared behind it for a minute, waiting for her to leave. Upon hearing no sound of footsteps, he came out again to find Lily in the exact same place he left her in. She jumped when she felt his eyes on her.

Then she looked up.

"G'night, James," Lily bade him softly.

"Night, Lily."

"You didn't!" Sirius sang gaily to James as they sat down for breakfast in the Great Hall.

"He did!" Peter chanted back, playing along with Sirius — despite not knowing what on earth he was talking about — as he came back from the Hufflepuff table (where he was talking to Mafalda Hopkirk in a rather flirtatious fashion). "What are you talking about, by the way?"

"Lily," Sirius whispered triumphantly, "Lily bloody _Evans_ asked our Jimmy boy here to go to Hogsmeade with her!"

"_She_ didn't!"

"Oh, yes, she certainly did," Remus said mildly as he slid onto the bench next to Peter. "Mary was just telling me about it, actually. Where are they? I just saw her and Lily a second ago—"

James sat bolt upright; looking at the Great Hall's entrance, he spotted Lily and Mary coming in, and, nervously, unconsciously, he ran his hand through his hair, trying his utmost not to catch Lily's eye. "Do I look OK?"

"Oh, Jimmy boy—" Peter began.

"— You look spiffing, trust me," Sirius finished, reassuring him with a cheeky grin.

This was it. _This was bloody well it._ Lily was going to do it at last. After several long years of constant asking, James Potter was getting what he had wanted since the middle of fourth year.

A _date._ A real, honest-to-God date to Hogsmeade which Lily knew James could look back on in the years to come, that he could share with his children as being his most embarrassing experience with a girl, one that, Lily was sure, he would discuss in detail with his friends just like she would with hers. So, OK, she said that they were going to go as friends, but she had the feeling that James meant it as something else. And for once, this did not seem to bother her.

Lily checked her reflection yet again on the back of her spoon — not that that did her any good. Her forehead looked wider and her nose looked far bigger than usual. She voiced her concerns to Mary, who laughed and snatched the spoon from her, staring at her own reflection.

"Duh," said Mary, waving the spoon at her. "That's what a spoon does, silly. It makes you look funny. Of course your nose is going to be bigger. It's not really bigger."

"So how _do_ I look?" Lily asked for the tenth time that morning, forgetting about the nine other times she had posed the same question to her best friend.

"You look drop-dead gorgeous," Mary told her sternly. "And don't you dare say otherwise."

"Yes, Mum," Lily joked. She munched on her toast and drank her coffee, glancing up at the sky: it was completely white and there seemed to be snow falling already. By the time they arrived at Hogsmeade, Lily was sure that the snow would've settled pretty thickly, and she wondered if she should cancel on James and just stay at school.

_No._

She knew that in her heart, there was no way she was going to _not go_ to Hogsmeade, not when she was with James, even if it was predicted to be disastrous.

Lily watched as Mary waved Alice Wilkes and Davina Raji over from the Hufflepuff table. They headed towards Mary and Lily.

"Hey, Alice, Davina, you'll never guess who Lily asked out yesterday!"

"Who?" asked Davina interestedly.

"Guess!" Mary sang back. Lily could tell that Mary was enjoying it far more than Lily was.

"Who?" Alice echoed Davina. "Was it Scott Manslow?"

"Nope," said Mary, sniggering. "Although, now that you mention it, Scott did ask Lily the other day. She just said no."

"But he's the best-looking boy in the whole school!" Davina exclaimed disbelievingly. "_How_ could you say no to him?"

"So who was it, Lily?" Alice persisted. "Snape?"

"Are you joking?" Mary said immediately before Lily could answer. "There's no way she'd ask _him_ to—"

"It was James," Lily interrupted her friend, before she went too far. "I asked James to Hogsmeade."

And as Alice and Davina burst into giggles and started gossiping girlishly about how handsome James was, Lily tuned out, for, at that moment as she realised the daunting prospect of the next few hours. Her reckless actions had finally caught up with her; now she would be spending most of the day with James Potter, who she had previously complained constantly about, and was now going to have to be alone with him for all of that time.

The first- and second-years watched enviously as the students queued up to get their names ticked off the long list in order to enter Hogsmeade. The pupils then donned cloaks, hats, gloves, scarves and earmuffs before stepping out into the vicious cold of Hogsmeade village.

James missed Hogsmeade — in the past the Marauders had always visited it, since fourth year — but this year, none of the Marauders had the time or energy to be bothered to go during school time. He was sure that Madam Rosmerta must have been missing them, as they always popped in to see her when they could (and managed to get quite a few drinks from her too).

For the first time ever, three out of the four Marauders had dates. Sirius was with Michelle, Remus was with Mary and James with Lily. Even Peter's prospects were looking brighter after his conversation with Mafalda Hopkirk, who had agreed to see him in Hogsmeade later on in the day.

James lingered nervously outside the Great Hall, his hands in his pockets, waiting for Lily to join him, which she did moments later. He immediately looked up when he saw her; his heart hiccupped at how pretty she looked, with a modest purple dress halfway to her knee over jeans. She was pulling on a cloak and gloves as she weaved through the milling crowds of students around them, looking for him. They both looked at each other for a moment before they joined the queue which was rapidly getting shorter.

Luckily it was too noisy for them to be able to say anything to each other and actually hear a word, so they stood, a few inches apart, waiting to reach the front of the line.

At last, the students in front of them — a particularly large group of giggling fifth-year girls — were cleared to go, and James and Lily stepped forwards together.

"Lily Evans and James Potter," Lily said quickly to Mr Filch. The caretaker gave James a filthy look, eyeing Lily particularly weirdly, before waving his hand, indicating that they were free to go.

"Ugh, he's such a creep," Lily complained as they made their way past the gates.

"Who, Filch?" James asked.

Lily nodded. "I don't know…the looks he gives me, I feel like asking him if he's my brother-in-law's twin or something."

He laughed as she pulled a face. "Why, what does your brother-in-law look like?"

She grimaced as the corpulent, multiple-chinned face of Vernon Dursley swam into her mind's eye. "Well…put it this way," said Lily, half-laughing, "he kind of looks at everyone…hungrily, if you know what I mean. It's like he's thinking that you're his next meal or something — it's so gross especially how fat he is, whenever I see him I just want to cut off all the flab from him — and, yeah, he's just really creepy, and the way he looks at me is just like Filch does."

"Only, Filch isn't as fat," James reasoned. He was careful to keep the protectiveness and annoyance out of his voice and face — after all, Lily always did seem sick of it.

"I wonder why he became a caretaker. Couldn't he think of anything better to do once he left Hogwarts?"

James grinned cheekily. "Well…put it this way, Lily," he started, echoing her, "'when was the last time you saw Argus Filch with a wand in his hand?"  
Lily frowned for a moment before her expression cleared. "Ah."

He nodded, biting back a snigger. "Yep…that's what he is. So the only job available for a _Squib_ in Hogwarts," James pronounced delicately, "_would_ be a caretaker. Or a cleaner, or gamekeeper, and Hagrid's got that job already. Unless, of course, Filch wants to take over Peeves' job."

"Speaking of which, have you had your careers meeting yet?" Lily asked. She was surprised that they had almost reached the village — Lily could see snowy rooftops and the heads of the bustling shoppers — and she wondered how time had gone so fast. Lily marvelled at the easiness of their conversation; anyone who was watching them would've thought that they had been friends for years or something.

"Yeah, I have," James replied. "McGonagall said that with my grades, I could be a Healer if I really want, or an Auror."

"She said the same thing about me," Lily said with a sigh. "It's just…I don't _want_ to be a Healer."

"Why not?"

"It seems a bit pointless," Lily admitted. "Sort of like…oh, I don't know, it's going to sound silly."

"It won't," James assured her. They had arrived at the village — a surprising number of students from Hogwarts had braved the snow and were shivering as they went about their Christmas shopping, some of the other pupils having enthusiastic snowball fights.

Lily changed the subject. "Where d'you want to go?" she asked breathlessly, hugging herself to keep warm. The bitter wind was like ice on her cheeks which were already tinged with pink from the cold, and both James and Lily pulled their scarves up slightly to cover the lower halves of their faces. "Scrivenshaft's?"

"Yeah, I have to go there anyway — I need a new quill and my ink stock is almost finished. God, it's annoying, having to write with these things. Sometimes, I really wish I was a Muggle so I could use a pen instead. Trouble is, I don't know where I can buy them from."

She smiled. "I know. A pen is more comfortable to hold, too. Quills are pretty and all, but you can get nice pens too — I prefer them," she said.

"How about we just go inside the shops 'til The Three Broomsticks empties a bit," James suggested, eyeing the packed pub a few metres away. "Then we can have a drink."

James and Lily heaved a sigh of relief together as they were swathed in the warm, musty air of the shop. There were some witches there who were trying on gold necklaces, but Lily noticed that none of them were Hogwarts students.

Lily spied a pretty-looking silver bracelet encrusted with rubies and diamonds inside the glass cabinets. She also noted the two trolls who were standing guard next to the cabinet with gold and silver in it.

"Excuse me, how much is this?" she asked an assistant. Lily was already pulling off her gloves so that she could try it on — she deserved a treat for once.

"That red one there?" the man said, pointing. "That's fifty Galleons, that is, love. But that's a sale item — perhaps you'd rather look at our newer collection?"

"Erm …" Lily bit her lip, hoping that James hadn't seen the funny look on her face when the assistant told her the price.

"Give us a second, please," James requested to the assistant. He picked up the bracelet and fastened the clasp on Lily's wrist. "That looks great on you, Lily."

"Thanks," she said, blushing. "But don't worry about it, let's go to Gladrags or something—"

"Don't you want it?" he asked.

The assistant was watching their exchange with a modicum of interest. Lily took James' arm and led him into a corner, where she whispered to him furiously, "I don't have that kind of money, OK?"

"All right, all right," James replied, looking suitably chastised. Satisfied, Lily went back to the main area of the shop with James.

"So, madam, would you like to buy the bracelet?" the assistant asked.

"No, she doesn't," James said shortly. "I'll buy it, thanks."

"James!" Lily said angrily, not even bothering to keep her voice down this time.

"What?" he retorted. "You want the bracelet. I'll buy it for you. Consider it an early Christmas present, Lily."

With that, he began counting Galleons out of his wallet and the assistant wrapped the bracelet before placing it in a gift box which, Lily saw, was also embellished in jewels.  
She thought about stopping James, but realised that there wasn't much point. She knew that James was too stubborn for that — _or,_ perhaps he was too rich to say no to a poor girl like her.

_Don't be stupid, you're not poor,_ she told herself sternly.

At long last James was done, having paid for the bracelet and, donning their gloves while adjusting their scarves, James and Lily left the shop.

"You didn't have to buy me it," Lily said for the tenth time to James in The Three Broomsticks three-quarters of an hour later. They had visited Gladrags, Scrivenshaft's, and, at James' insistence, they had gone into Zonko's. To Lily's (and James') great surprise, they enjoyed themselves immensely the entire time, revelling in the freedom to wander around anywhere and try things out, when the worst thing to worry about was slipping in the snow, which Lily had done twice already.

The pub was slightly less full; many of the Hogwarts students had decided that enough was enough, and they had already left for the castle, unable to stand the weather. Despite this, however, James and Lily had just managed to bag the only free table: the one in the front of the pub, nearest to the door.

They had just said farewell to Sirius and Peter, who were both a tad tipsy after drinking too much Firewhiskey, and both were singing "Danny Boy" to James, replacing "Danny" with "Jimmy". Sirius and Peter were attracting far too many stares, and Lily didn't blame Michelle for ditching Sirius for someone else if he was going to act like that.

"I don't mind," James shrugged. "Seriously, Lily, I really don't mind, so stop thanking me."

"One day, when I have a proper job …"

"So why d'you not want to be a Healer?" James interrupted as the Butterbeer arrived, placed on the table by a fourth-year Ravenclaw student, Nick Clearwater, who clearly wanted to earn a bit of extra cash while he was in Hogsmeade. Lily waited until the waiter left before she answered reluctantly.

"I don't know…I just feel that I would be able to do something better."

"Like what?"

"We're in a war, James," Lily said patiently, taking a sip of her Butterbeer. She was far more relaxed than she was at the beginning of their…outing. "There's got to be a better job out there than a Healer. And my intentions…they'd be — they'd be bad, somehow. Like I'd only want to be in it for the money or something. I want to have a good intention when I get a job."

"What about an Auror?" James suggested. "Like Alice is saying she wants to be?"

She half-nodded. "Er…yeah, I suppose being an Auror is worthwhile. And I know Alice has good intentions, you know, helping people, finding Death Eaters and stuff, but it's also because of her friend, Frank, who's in his first year training at the moment."

"Then why not?"

"Well — what's the aim of a job?"

James frowned. "Er…to make a difference? To make something of yourself? Earn your keep?"

Lily nodded. "Yeah, but which one is the most important?"

"What d'you mean?"

"If you had to choose one, which would it be? Making something of yourself or making a difference?"

"Making a difference, I suppose," James said after a moment's thought.

"I'm in a dilemma here, you see. I don't want to be academic and be a Healer, but I don't want to go for the dangerous option either and be an Auror. I want to make a difference, but not to that extent. I just think I could be targeted by Voldemort if he knows I'm actively fighting him or something, and I don't want to take the risk."

"Well, I think—"

But Lily didn't find out what James thought; the door opened suddenly and a tallish, good-looking boy with coffee-coloured skin and dark brown eyes entered, breathless from the cold.

"Hi, Lily," Kian Robinson greeted her. "And …"

"James," James supplied ever so frostily. Lily immediately sensed Kian's surprise at James' presence — although, she noticed, a moment later, the sign of acceptance in his eyes. She took this as a good sign.

"I'm going to use the Ladies, OK?" Lily told the two boys quickly, leaving them by themselves for a few minutes. By the time she got back, James was sitting alone, a strange expression on his face.

Lily was also feeling rather peculiar. All day, she was subconsciously waiting for the moment when James would hold her hand or put his arm around her or…_something,_ anything, that would give some indication that he felt that way about her. But he hadn't — he hadn't so much as held her hand. That just showed that, clearly, they weren't right for each other.

She looked up again just as she sat down opposite James. As several people walked past her, about to exit the pub, Lily turned around and immediately kicked herself because standing near her were three people who looked like they wanted to cause trouble.

Trying desperately not to catch the girl's eye (who had noticed her nevertheless) Lily's hand reached out to take her Butterbeer bottle at exactly the same time as James', and as their fingers made contact, James was sure he felt a frisson of electricity between their hands. In unison, they jerked their hands back suddenly. Lily slowly put her hand out again to take her bottle and James snatched his, neither of them able to look at each other properly.

Unfortunately, the threesome at the door was watching their exchange interestedly.

"I told you she'd get you under her Mudblood spell, Potter!" Katie Montague jeered. She was with Malcolm Mulciber and Aiden Avery, who were both clutching her arms as if they were escorting her to a bloody _ball_ or something, James thought, annoyed. "It's what all dirty-blooded whores like her do!"

"Let's go," James muttered to Lily, who nodded at once in agreement, even though Katie, Mulciber and Avery had already left the pub. Katie's pronouncement caused a stir in the pub as everyone looked up from their conversations at James and Lily, who were hurriedly putting their cloaks and gloves back on.

They left, the astringent wind attacking their cheeks as they stepped out of the warmness of the pub, James leading the way randomly, trying to make sure that they were out of earshot and eyesight of everyone.

"Don't you just hate it when people assume stuff like that?" James said softly as he turned left to an empty alleyway.

"Yeah, it's horrible," she agreed, wishing he would move closer to her instead of being at such a distance.

"Like, no one said that we were—"

But at that moment, Lily had finally had enough of James' gentleman-ness; without thinking about what she was doing, the wind crashing into her ears and seemingly addling her brains, Lily leaned forwards and kissed him.

For a second, James was so surprised that he didn't even respond, but soon he was kissing her back, and she smiled against his lips — James Potter definitely knew how to snog.

She pulled back and moved further down the alleyway to make sure they weren't seen; Lily immediately felt James' lips on hers again when, suddenly, they pulled apart at the sound of muffled screams.

Their identical smiles vanished from their faces to be replaced with expressions of shock as they ran down the alley, looking for the source of the screams, until at last they found someone on the freezing ground, wheezing, his breathing laboured, as his chest shook. Lily's green eyes widened as she recognised Kian.

"Quick!" Lily screamed over the now roaring wind, no longer caring about herself as she put her cloak around Kian, who was shaking uncontrollably as something frothy — blood? –– spilled out of the corner of Kian's mouth. "Get help!"

James was already halfway there; Lily didn't think she'd ever seen him run so fast in her life.

"You're going to be OK," Lily said, tears dripping from her own cheeks as she watched Kian weaken, mouthing but unable to speak. "You're going to be — no! NO! Kian!"

She knelt in front of him as he keeled backwards, and Lily's face hovered above his as she stared into his eyes. They were once richly brown and full of life. Now, Kian Robinson's stare was glassy and empty, and Lily knew, without saying, that those eyes would see no more.

Chapter End Notes:

Dun dun DUN! Tell me what you thought by review, as usual! Did you think Lily would kiss James first or vice versa? Who did you think the killer was? Any guesses?


	9. Facta Non Verba

**Chapter Summary**:  
Here's the next chapter, folks! Kian Robinson has just died. How are James, Lily and the crew going to deal with the investigation after his death?

As always, thank you to Stacey and Alex for beta'ing.

Also, I just wanted to mention that I'm sorry for the few people who were confused by the chronology of my chapters when I accidentally submitted this chapter before submitting chapter 8. That was entirely my fault and I do apologise as it's confused you, but I'll try my best not to let it happen again. In the meantime, please review as it makes my day and is the only payment I receive.

"Why does it always happen to me?" Lily complained as she, James, Remus, Mary, Sirius and Peter left the hospital wing.

"What d'you mean?" said Mary.

"That's the second time I've been with someone and they end up dead shortly afterwards and—"

"—it's not even Christmas yet," James finished for her, gravely. All six of them had serious expressions on their faces after the events of that afternoon. The rest of the Hogwarts students had been evacuated from Hogsmeade and Dumbledore had made it clear that all future Hogsmeade visits would be cancelled until the culprit was found and caught. Of course this was unlikely, because the suspect was not necessarily limited to Hogwarts itself; now, it was unclear as to whether or not the perpetrator was a student or member of staff at Hogwarts, or a shopkeeper in Hogsmeade, or, merely, a shopper there.

Kian's body had been removed and was now residing in St. Mungo's Mortuary, awaiting an examination to decipher the cause of his death. To make matters worse, Lily and James were unable to identify why or how Kian could've died just minutes after they had seen him looking perfectly healthy, so they were forced to rely on the autopsy results to find out how Kian died.

Lily was particularly shaken by this turn of events; she was scared that Kian's killer was also William's killer, and she was even more frightened of the fact that she seemed to always be at the scene of the death, which just made things worse — what if the killer knew Lily, and did this on purpose when they knew that Lily was around?

However, Lily did not have time to dwell on the thought as someone said the words which chilled her blood.

"What're they going to do with his...body?" Mary whispered, a frightened look on her face.

Luckily for Lily, James answered Mary's question.

"He's in St. Mungo's Morgue," he said quietly.

"And they're going to do a full examination, aren't they?"

"Yes, Miss MacDonald, that is correct," Dumbledore said, appearing suddenly from behind a tapestry. He strode towards the group, surveying them politely with his piercing blue eyes. There was no trace of a smile on his lined face; on the contrary, Lily thought that he looked angry.

"Now, Mr Potter, Miss Evans, if you'd both come along with me, please?"

"Oh...OK," said Lily, weary but not altogether surprised at the headmaster's request. James nodded solemnly, and together, he and Lily waved at their friends gloomily and followed Dumbledore to his office.

Once they were inside, Dumbledore checked the windows and door cautiously before speaking, ensuring the curtains were shut.

"Sit down, please." James and Lily obeyed, seating themselves on the two chairs in front of the desk. Dumbledore sat down too, resting his chin above his interlocked fingers as he regarded both of them.

"It so happens that the Ministry have decided that — in the interests of furthering this investigation — you two are now regarded as suspects."

"What?" James and Lily burst out at the same time.

Dumbledore sighed. "I know, I know. I have advised the Aurors of my acquaintance against it, I have appealed directly to the Head of the Auror Department and even to the Minister for Magic, not that that would do much good," he finished, grimacing. "The fact remains, however, that you will both now be watched. Miss Evans in particular — you happened to be with both victims just before they died and you were also first at the scene of both crimes. You were known throughout the school to be close to one victim and romantically involved with both."

"Sir—" Lily started, but Dumbledore held up a hand.

"I am not saying any of these rumours are true, Miss Evans. I am merely relaying what is being said about you at the present time. As for you, Mr Potter, well, almost the same is said about you, to a slightly lesser extent of course — as you were not romantically involved with either victim, although you were close to Mr McCann.

"Let me be very clear on this point: I do not believe either of you to be guilty in the slightest; in fact, I am extremely insulted by the Ministry of Magic's accusations at the Head Boy and Head Girl of my school, and I will do everything in my power to persuade the Aurors to drop their case on you — which, at the moment, is merely circumstantial and comprises of rumours. All I ask of you is one favour: please be aware about what it is you are doing. Stay out of trouble — yes, Mr Potter, I am talking to you especially — any kind of trouble, because the punishment will be far worse than a detention.

"You have been in the wrong place at the wrong time twice now and, because of this, the Ministry suspects you, so I trust you both not to do this again. Otherwise, I may be given no choice as to their final decision, should this happen again."

Dumbledore's tone was almost stern as he concluded, his eyes flickering between James and Lily as he finished speaking.

"Sir, are they going to question us again?" Lily asked.

He nodded sadly. "Yes, I am afraid that you will be questioned sometime tomorrow, along with Mr Potter, Mr Black, Mr Pettigrew, Mr Clearwater and everyone else who was in The Three Broomsticks at the time."

"Professor?" said James suddenly, as something clicked in his brain.

"Yes, Mr Potter?" Dumbledore replied.

"I — I think I know what happened. Kian's...Kian's cause of death."

"Go on, Mr Potter," the headmaster told him with slightly raised eyebrows.

"When we were in The Three Broomsticks—"

"You and Miss Evans, I presume?"

"Yes. When we were there, Nick Clearwater was in there too, and he was serving us, you know, because he was a waiter — he wanted to earn a bit of extra dosh while he was in Hogsmeade — and Kian came in at some point, and he asked Nick for a Butterbeer, and he gave it, and — and — good Godric!" James exclaimed unexpectedly, as the pieces started to fit together in his head.

"What is it?" Dumbledore enquired calmly, seemingly oblivious to James' sudden exclamation.

"Lily," James said, turning around to face her, "Lily, was Kian choking or anything, when he died?"

She took a great gulp of air as the recollections of the afternoon swam back to her. "I — yeah. Yeah, he was — kind of. It was hard to tell, with the wind and all, but I suppose he was. I thought he was just breathing heavily or something, or maybe that was how he died? I'm not sure."

"Why do you ask, Mr Potter?" Dumbledore said, and James jumped as he remembered he was still there.

"Because — because I think I know what caused Kian's death! Nick — Nick, oh, God, Nick must've poisoned him!"

"By giving him the drink?"

"Yeah!" James replied quickly. "Kian took one sip of it and then he left!"

Lily frowned — there were still quite a few holes in the theory. "But...Nick can't have done it," she said slowly.

"Why not?" asked Dumbledore and James at the same time.

"Because...because he's _Nick_! Nick Clearwater! And what proof do you have of that anyway? Why would he want to poison Kian?"

"Because—" James started, but Dumbledore stopped him.

"Miss Evans is right," he said quietly to James. "You have no proof, Mr Potter, as much as you would want to believe this theory. Remember, Mr Potter, I am merely headmaster of this school. I have no power over situations as serious as this. And I will certainly not be able to convince the head of the Auror office to question one of my students who one of the suspects think — I mean you, Mr Potter — killed Mr Robinson. This is especially because, as we speak, they are performing the post mortem. So, Mr Potter, until they ascertain the cause of Mr Robinson's death, I urge you to keep your suspicions to yourself, particularly given your now notorious status as both a suspect and a witness."

Dumbledore turned back to Lily.

"Thank you very much your time, both of you," he said, and he looked at James again. "And I hope that we do not have to discuss this matter — or, indeed, related matters — again."

With a courteous nod, Dumbledore wordlessly indicated that they were free to go.

"Wait," Sirius interrupted James' explanation rather loudly, frowning as he, Remus, Mary, Lily, James and Peter sat in a corner of the common room, lounging on a couple of sofas, Mary perched on Remus' armchair. "_Nick—_"

"Shh!" Lily hissed. She didn't like it when Sirius drew attention to himself like that. She didn't like Sirius very much, full stop.

"Let me get this straight," Sirius whispered now, so that Lily was forced to lean in to be able to hear him. "You're telling me that _Nick Clearwater_is Kian Robinson's killer?"

"That's just what James thinks," Lily put in, slightly mulishly. "It certainly doesn't mean that it's true. If anything ..."

"OK, let's say for the sake of the argument that James is right," Remus interjected, "then wouldn't it be logical to say that Nick probably won't get caught?"

"Why's that?" Mary asked Remus.

"Dumbledore's already told James and Lily that there's not much he can do even if we do know who the killer is, especially because they haven't finished the autopsy and everything — not that they would tell us anyway."

"It doesn't help that the Ministry would do anything to hush things up," Peter piped up. "People are getting more and more scared, you know."

Sirius stood up. "Come on, guys, let's go to the kitchens," he said, stretching. "I'm bloody starving — I could eat a house-elf."

"You're disgusting," Remus told him.

"It's an expression," Sirius retorted. "I'm not _really_going to eat a house-elf ..."

Rolling his eyes, Remus, along with Mary and Peter, followed Sirius. "Aren't you coming?" asked Peter and Mary together, stopping in their tracks as they noticed that both James and Lily remained in their seats.

James shook his head. "I'm not hungry."

"Yeah...I think I've lost my appetite," Lily agreed. "We'll probably just go to bed — I mean," she spluttered, realising what she'd just said, "not like _that,_just ..."

Lily, her cheeks now tinged with pink (despite the fact that Sirius, Remus and Peter didn't seem to be paying much attention) flashed Mary a desperate look, and Mary winked at Lily before saying quickly, "Let's get going, Remus, Sirius, Peter ..."

With that, the foursome climbed out of the portrait hole one by one. The common room was completely empty; the fire was slowly starting to die out, the flames flickering as the dying embers turned into ash, yet still, the fire's crimson glow illuminated the entire room. It fell on the comfy, worn out furniture, filling the air and hanging over James and Lily as they sat on opposite sofas, both staring at the fire as if lost in its depths of reds and oranges.

"I hate this," Lily said suddenly. James looked up, as if he just realised that Lily was there.

"Me too," he replied softly. He knew exactly what she was talking about. "We're going to get them," James said after a long pause.

"How?" she asked, putting her head into her hands.

"I — I don't know. Not yet. But we will. Why, don't you want to?"

Lily looked up, frowning. "Won't you be putting yourself in danger?"

"Well, yeah," James said as if stating the obvious. "So what?"

"Doesn't that bother you in the slightest — not being safe?"

He shook his head. "This is war, Lily. There's no such thing as being safe — or nice, for that matter. We're not safe. We can't afford to be nice either. The Ministry is more corrupt than ever and the worst thing is that we can't even do anything about it." Lily noticed, for the first time ever, a hard tone in James' voice. The embarrassed smile he had worn at Lily's slip of the tongue had vanished and there was toughness in his hazel eyes which belied his seventeen years. She found herself suddenly next to him, and wondered when she had moved.

"Corruption and war...the two things I hate the most," she admitted. "It's a win-win situation for the murderer. The Ministry won't care about catching whoever did that to Kian and neither will anyone else, so they've basically got free reign to murder again and again..."

"...which means it's down to us to find them and stop them," James finished. "Otherwise, Kian and Will and everyone else would've died in vain."

_Could've been the story of my life,_ Lily mused. _Or, rather, the story of my death._

She closed her eyes, thinking of what could've happened if James hadn't arrived that night. It seemed so long ago...

Suddenly, Lily felt a large, warm hand on the back of her neck, gently pushing her face closer to James' as his lips touched hers lightly. She was so surprised that she didn't even respond; instead, she pulled away, standing up almost immediately.

"Lily ..." James got no further.

"James, I don't know if I can—"

"Why not?"

"I don't ..."

"What are we, Lily? And this time answer me honestly."

She took a deep breath. "We're friends," she told him resolutely.

"But what about—"

"What happened in Hogsmeade," Lily interrupted, "was a mistake. I wasn't thinking straight and I had had a lot to drink, OK? We're friends," she repeated. "Nothing more than friends. I'm not interested in you — not like that."

The mood in the castle the next day was similar to when Will McCann's corpse was found on the Hogwarts Express: a mixture of fear and darkness, with each student worrying about who would be the next victim.

Lily had stopped talking to James; now, she was either with Mary or she was alone. James was as bewildered by Lily's sudden cold-shouldering as was everyone else.

"I just don't know what you're supposed to have done, mate," said Sirius during Transfiguration, eyeing Lily with bemusement. "I mean, one minute she was all matey and datey with you and now she can't even look you in the face! Are you sure you didn't say anything?"

"No!" James snapped, frustrated. "I never said anything. I don't know what I'm supposed to have done, and every time I try to talk to her about it she ignores me!"

James didn't want to tell his friends about what happened between him and Lily in the common room that night; he was far too humiliated and, in any case, it was not going to help the situation at all.

He didn't understand why Lily wasn't talking to him; after all, wasn't it _her_who told him that they were friends? What on earth did she mean by that? All this crap about having too much to drink...she didn't even finish her second Butterbeer, for God's sake!

And, damn it, he had been so close.

_Too close,_ James thought irritably.

"Password?"

"_Facta non verba,_" Lily said quickly.

"Precisely." The Fat Lady smiled at her and her portrait swung open to admit Lily into the common room.

A group of fourth-years who were sitting near the fire sprang up as Lily entered, as did James; fortunately, the fourth-year girls reached Lily first.

"Can I help you?" she asked them politely, not even bothering to look at James. However, out of the corner of her eye, Lily did see James turn away, his shoulders slumped in defeat, and she felt guilty for a moment — before, of course, she turned back to the matter at hand. Lily knew them, but vaguely; she didn't know any of their names, at any rate.

"Er...yeah, actually," said one girl, slightly timidly. "We...we were wondering if we could...erm..."

"We wanted to have a pantomime," one of the louder girls interrupted.

"A pantomime?" Lily repeated, surprised. She was rather taken aback, not by the request, but by the fact that the fourth-years could think so optimistically while the mood in the castle was so dismal.

"Yeah," said a curly-haired blonde girl bravely, the one who hadn't said anything before then. "Can we?"

Lily considered. She hadn't been to a pantomime since she was ten, while she was still in primary school. "Hmm...I suppose...I guess we _do_need something to cheer us up, to look forward to, especially now ..." she muttered to herself, unaware of the girls, who were clearly waiting for an answer.

"So? Can we?" asked the blonde girl again.

"All right, then," said Lily slowly. "I'll have to confirm it with Professor McGonagall first, of course. But I'm sure she'll say yes — God knows, we could definitely do with a bit of laughter in our lives ..."

"Great!" With that, the fourth-years sauntered happily back to their spot near the fire, where they began eagerly discussing what fairy tale they would use, swapping Muggle tales with the Wizarding tales excitedly.

Despite Lily's words, McGonagall proved harder to persuade than she thought. It took a lot of wheedling and, of all people, _Sirius Black,_to finally win their Head of House over after their first Transfiguration lesson of December.

"A _pantomime?_Miss Evans, have you forgotten about what happened in Hogsmeade?"

Lily glanced around; James, Sirius and Remus were about to leave, but they seemed to be dawdling a bit at the doorway, eavesdropping on the conversation. When James caught Lily's eye for the first time in days, he frowned and muttered something to his friends before walking off with Remus. Sirius remained where he was, to Lily's surprise.

"Well, Miss Evans?"

She jumped, having been so distracted by her and James' non-verbal exchange that she had forgotten that McGonagall was there. She wasn't sure what to say — she had already spent the last five minutes telling her about how they needed cheering up and all of that — and the worst thing was that it sounded far more stupid when Lily said it out loud than when she was rehearsing it in her head. "Erm...well, Professor...no, I haven't forgotten about what happened in Hogsmeade, not at all. In fact, on the contrary...I think the pantomime could be done in Kian's honour ..."

"A pantomime? Really?" Sirius interrupted, no longer bothering to disguise his eavesdropping. Strangely, he had never been to a pantomime before. His parents had always considered that sort of entertainment as beneath them.

"I'm serious, Black, this really isn't the time—" Lily started.

"I want to be in it!" Sirius continued animatedly, as if Lily hadn't spoken. "Please, Professor, I promise, if I'm in it, I'll be on my best behaviour."

"And what, pray tell, is that supposed to mean, Mr Black?" asked McGonagall, her eyebrows knitting together, her expression a rare one of both amusement and interest.

"It _means,_Professor, that I'll toe the line, Professor. If we can have a panto. Come on, Professor, we've worked really hard this year, and we deserve a bit of a treat. Please?"

There was a long pause, during which Lily glared at Sirius. He had either won her over completely or he hadn't. At last, McGonagall delivered her verdict.

"OK, OK, it's decided," Lily announced to the chattering fourth-years in the common room a few nights later. "It'll have to be Cinderella."

"Did the girl have some kind of disease or something? Like salmonella?" said the curly-haired girl, Amanda Abbott. The other girls giggled.

"No, Mandy, that's the name of the girl — Cinderella," her friend told her laughingly.

"So what _is_Cinderella about?" someone shouted out from the crowd milling near the stage (which had been set up by Professor Dumbledore) in the Great Hall.

Lily had had enough trying to make them be quiet so that they could listen to her. "_Sonorus,_" she muttered, pointing her wand to her throat.

"OK, everyone, that's enough," she said, using her wand as a microphone. The students quietened instantly. "So, as we all know, you lot are here today to audition for Hogwarts' first ever pantomime!"

There were cheers at her words — everyone certainly seemed to be in a better mood than usual, especially with the Christmas decorations recently being put up.

"Before we start, though, there are some ground rules. The first one is that you must be in fourth year or above to be part of the play. That doesn't mean that first-, second- and third-years can't help with the sets and stuff though — we'll need all the help we can get," she reassured them kindly. "And there's no stopping the teachers from being part of the panto, either!" At this point, she smiled at McGonagall, Flitwick, Slughorn and Dumbledore, who were sitting in chairs, watching. "Now, I think we can start, as long as there aren't any questions ..."

"I've got one," someone said loudly. Lily noticed it was the same person who had shouted out before. "What _is_Cinderella?"

"It's a Muggle fairy tale," Lily replied, her voice echoing around the Great Hall. She had got their attention at last, so she felt it safe to perform the counter-charm. "_Quietus._"

"Go on, then. Tell us the story," Sirius said interestedly. He and Remus were in the crowd, but Lily noticed that James was not, and neither was Peter.

Dismissing this from her mind, Lily took a deep breath and began recounting her favourite fairy tale.

"It's about this girl called Cinderella whose mum dies, so her dad marries another woman, who's the Evil Stepmother — one of the main characters in the story. The stepmother has two daughters who are the Ugly Stepsisters, and Cinderella hates them. And she has good reason to; the stepmother and stepsisters treat Cinderella like dirt — they treat her like a servant, if you like. They're all really vain and they make Cinderella do all the housework, and when she's done, she sits by the cinders. Hence the name Cinderella. But Cinderella doesn't complain to her dad, because if she did, he would've told her off and not believed her — the stepmother really controlled her dad. Then one day they get invited to this ball which is held by Prince Charming. Cinderella's not allowed to go, but the stepmother and stepsisters go. She still has to help them get ready and she did dream of going to the ball, but then they told her that a servant wouldn't be able to go.

"On the night of the ball, once the stepmother and stepsisters leave, Cinderella's left by herself, and that's when the Fairy Godmother comes in. She makes it possible for Cinderella to go to the ball, turning a pumpkin into a coach, mice into horses, a rat into a coachman and lizards into footmen. She even gave Cinderella a beautiful dress and glass slippers. But she told her that she had to be back before midnight — the spell would've broken by then.

"She was so beautiful that everyone was entranced by her, including Prince Charming. Even her own stepsisters didn't recognise her. She danced with the prince but she nearly overstayed her welcome, and in her haste to leave, she left one of her slippers behind. The prince picked it up and vowed that he and his men would search the country for the person whose foot fitted the slipper."

"Aw!" squealed a couple of fifth-year girls, at the exact same moment that Remus and Sirius said, "How stupid!"

Lily rolled her eyes and finished telling the story. "So the prince got all the women in the kingdom to try on the slipper, but none of their feet fit. Eventually, he reached Cinderella's house. Both stepsisters tried it on and then Cinderella asked if she could. Obviously, the stepmother and stepsisters taunted her and told her that she was unworthy and all that, but they were shocked when the shoe actually fitted Cinderella! Cinderella took the other slipper out, which she had kept, and put that one on. The stepsisters asked her to forgive them, which Cinderella did. Prince Charming married Cinderella and they all lived happily ever after."

"What a soppy story," Sirius commented. "As if real life is like that!"

_I_ wish _real life was like that,_Lily felt like saying.

"You're only saying that because you couldn't do anything as charming as that, Sirius," said Michelle Clearwater loftily.

"Oh, yes I can!" Sirius insisted. Everyone laughed — he was already getting into the mood of the pantomime. Sirius didn't get the joke, though. Ignoring this, he continued, "I'll prove it! Cast me as Prince Charming and I'll show you just how wrong you are, Michelle."

Lily glanced at Michelle, who shrugged. "You might as well," Michelle said.

"We're having proper auditions today, actually," said Lily, surprised nevertheless at Sirius' enthusiasm. "The judges will be Amanda Abbott, Imarnie Roshan and Ella Turpin. They'll make the final decision." _Not me, thankfully, as I would have to say no to you, Black,_Lily thought.

"Why aren't you judging, Lily?" asked Mary.

Lily smiled embarrassedly. "I...er...I'll be auditioning too, and it's not really fair or impartial or anything for me to be judging as well."

"I wouldn't have thought that such a thing was possible," Remus said with a grin. "Lily Evans — _acting?_Wow."

**Chapter End Notes:**

Lily's behaviour to James will be explained, I promise, in the next chapter! Facta non verba means "Deeds, not words", by the way, if you were wondering. Hidden subliminal messages, people! (Kidding!)

As always I am begging for you to please please please review. It makes my day and is the only payment I receive!


	10. Cinderella

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

OK, so for once I haven't left you with a cliffhanger. The preparations for the pantomime, Cinderella, are in full swing. How will James deal with Lily's estrangement, and just who are Lily and Sirius playing in the play?

For the first time in his life, James was seriously considering making some new friends.

It was bad enough, knowing that Lily didn't want him like he wanted her. It didn't make it much better that she was now constantly talking and laughing and _joking_ with Sirius and Remus and Peter — all three of whom were laughing and joking _back._

And while Lily was busying herself with the pantomime, James got down to business with his now lone mission to find Kian's killer. First, he found out what lesson Nick Clearwater would be in on that day — Defence Against the Dark Arts — and James left Transfiguration as soon as he could to wait outside the DADA classroom for him. For good measure, James put on the Invisibility Cloak.

Thankfully, Nick didn't seem to be heading in any particular direction, and he was alone too, so when James spotted a secret passageway that he knew of which was near where Nick was, he realised that it was his chance. As quickly as he could, James removed the Cloak and pushed Nick unexpectedly roughly into the hidden, deserted corridor. He grabbed the front of Nick's shirt with his fist and slammed him against the wall in a surprising burst of strength.

"Wha — what are you doing?" Nick said breathlessly as James pointed his wand at him threateningly.

"Nick, when you were in The Three Broomsticks, doing your job, did you add poison to Kian Robinson's drink?"

At first, Nick didn't say anything; the pupils in his brown eyes seemed to dilate and then constrict as he continued to struggle. James shook him, wanting an answer. "Did you do it?" James demanded, his voice full of a quiet furiousness that he had never heard before.

Nick shook his head vehemently. "No! Of course not! Are you mental? Kian was a mate! What — are you calling me a killer or something?"

James stared at him unblinkingly, decided on the spot that there was no way Nick was lying, and lowered his wand, letting go of him. Nick let out a breath that he didn't even realise he was holding as he shook his arms, trying to regain feeling in them.

"Why are you asking _me,_ anyway?" Nick asked suspiciously. "What've I done?"

James shook his head. "I ask myself that question every day, mate," he sighed. "Every bloody day. Look, don't worry about it. I just thought — well, actually, never mind what I thought. I'm sorry for ambushing you. Thanks anyway."

"But—"

"Thanks, Nick. Sorry, sorry. Bye." And with that, James left the corridor, a million more questions popping into his head as he went.

What the hell was going on? James was _sure_ that he saw Nick give Kian the Butterbeer, but James couldn't for the life of him figure out why Nick would lie. He didn't seem like that kind of person, and, in any case, James could tell, from the way Nick spoke to him, that he really had no idea about who Kian's killer was.

And it seemed that he was the only one who cared, too. It didn't help in any way that Lily and Sirius and Remus and Mary and everyone else who was a half-decent person was in some way involved in the pantomime. As an outsider, James was not allowed to know which character each person was playing — not even Sirius, and Sirius had always told him everything.

He felt so left out as everyone joined in the activities with festive enthusiasm. James would've joined in; he could've joined in, but he didn't — because of Lily.

In fact, there was so much secrecy that James had had to rely on rumours for information: he knew that some of the teachers were also in the play and he was fairly certain that Sirius had managed to get a main role, but, not being versed to the story, James had no idea who Sirius was. Others, like Remus, had off-stage roles like designing the costumes and sets and supervising the younger students who were helping out. That was pretty much it. But still, James missed his friends immensely, and he couldn't wait for this stupid thing to just be over.

On the day of the performance — the last day of term — an owl delivered _The Daily Prophet_ to him, feathers dripping wet from the raging sleet outside. James waved it away impatiently, flicking through the pages disinterestedly. Suddenly, the word "Hogwarts" shouted out at him from one of the middle pages and James let out an involuntary gasp which attracted many stares — not that James really cared.

"What's got your antlers in a twist, Prongs?" asked Peter. James jabbed his finger silently at the article and Remus swore under his breath upon seeing the headline.

"Are you fucking _joking?_" Sirius breathed as he peered at the article over James' shoulder.

Peter snatched the newspaper from James and began to read the article in a whisper. "'_Hogwarts Student Dies Of Heart Attack'_," he read. "'_Kian Robinson, aged sixteen, died on the thirty-first of November. _The Daily Prophet_ can reveal that Robinson's cause of death was a heart attack, as diagnosed by Healer Grunnings of St. Mungo's Mortuary. No student is to blame for Robinson's death, which was a tragic accident as a result of mere cold weather. Furthermore, after this disclosure from St. Mungo's, the investigation regarding Mr Robinson's death will thus forth be discontinued.'_"

"No way," said James. His friends looked up. "There's absolutely no way that Kian's death was an accident. Accident, my bloody arse!"

"Hmm...I suppose they could be covering the truth up," Remus suggested thoughtfully. James nodded fervently.

"This isn't fair — not one bit."

"Still, there's nothing you can do about it now," Peter added in what he thought was a consoling manner.

"Wormtail's right," Sirius agreed. "There's no point stressing about it — what's done is done. So, are you sure that you and Evans ..."

"For God's sake, Padfoot!" James growled angrily. He was more than a little annoyed at his friend for the abrupt change of subject, especially when it involved Lily. "For the last time, nothing is going on between me and Evans! And it never will happen! Why do you suddenly care, anyway?" This was the fifth time Sirius had asked his friend this question in the last three days and James couldn't for the life of him think why.

"I'm just concerned for you, mate!" Sirius said hastily. "You haven't talked to Evans for ages; of course I'm worried about you! We all are! Aren't we, Moony, Wormy?"

Remus and Peter gave dutiful murmurs of assent.

"And don't tell me nothing's worrying you — it won't work. Every time I see you nowadays you look so goddamn miserable. Lighten up, will you?"

And with a playful shove at James, Sirius led the Marauders out of the Great Hall. He inwardly heaved a secret sigh of relief, although something about James' demeanour that day told him that maybe, just maybe, James wasn't telling him the whole truth for once.

"Oh, how I hate that horrible stepmother of mine!" Lily said in a stage whisper, pretending to weep as Professor Sprout exited the stage with Pramjeet Patel and Mafalda Hopkirk (who were playing the evil stepmother and stepsisters respectively).

"SAY AW!" appeared in garish letters on the screen behind the stage, and the audience obediently said, "Aw!"

James had to admit that Lily clearly had a hidden talent. She remained in character the entire time, even when Scott Manslow and Jacob Goldstein were sitting in the front row, trying their best to make her laugh.

He was surprised that Lily was Cinderella — for some reason, he expected her to have a lesser role, rather than being the main character. James knew that the others were just as surprised. The few Slytherins who had decided to come had shouted "Santa's bitch!" when Lily arrived onstage, prompting Professor Slughorn to chivvy them out and give them a stern telling-off for inappropriate language.

"What am I going to do?" Lily wept. "I really want to go to the ball—"

"And so you shall," announced Professor McGonagall, appearing on the stage. The students laughed; James burst into a fit of suppressed sniggers at McGonagall, decked out in white, complete with wings and a tiara. Remus, however, cheered, and after a moment the audience joined in. None of them, as far as James was aware, had ever seen McGonagall in any other colour except black; to add to the shocking effect, their Transfiguration teacher had even let her hair down underneath her shockingly silver tiara.

Even McGonagall quickly smothered a smile as she said primly to Lily, "As your Fairy Godmother, I am giving you permission — you may go to the ball, Cinderella."

"But — but they said I couldn't!" said Lily. "And how can I go to the ball? I've only got rags to wear, no transport, the most _horrible_ shoes...I look terrible!" James scoffed silently; even in her scruffy-looking attire (designed by Mary MacDonald) he still thought she looked beautiful.

"I will make it possible for you to go, Cinderella. As for transport, well—" with a wave of her wand, McGonagall turned a nearby pumpkin into a coach, amid an audible gasp from Lily "—I'm sure this will suffice. These will do for horses, footmen and a coachman," she said, gesturing at a couple of mice, some lizards and a fat rat (who looked uncannily like Wormtail to James). With another flick of her wand, McGonagall Transfigured them into people, and James could tell, from their disgruntled expressions, that a lot of bribery had taken place to persuade the boys to play the parts.

"But I can't go to the ball dressed like this!" Lily said woefully.

"Ah, yes, I nearly forgot," said McGonagall. "This will do — and these." McGonagall, with a final flourish of her wand, Transfigured Lily's rags into a delicate-looking bluish-white dress, which went down to her ankles. Lily lifted the skirts up slightly and gasped again.

"Oh, wow, Godmother, these slippers are gorgeous!"

"Remember, though, Cinderella, that you must return to the house before the clock strikes midnight. The spell will be broken by then."

Lily nodded eagerly, and, with the help of one of the footmen (who James recognised as Adam Cadwallader), she clambered into the coach.

"I'm off to the ball, everyone!" she announced. "Bye!"

"Bye!" the audience replied in unison. James could see that the students and teachers alike were enjoying themselves, particularly the younger pupils.

He wondered, yet again, who Sirius was playing — because he still hadn't appeared onstage — and James briefly entertained the thought of Sirius chickening out at last minute.

_No,_ James thought firmly. _There's no way he'd do that. This was _Sirius,_ after all._

"Let me try it on, let me!" said Pramjeet. Lily played her part, putting a sad expression on her face.

Pramjeet tried her best to fit her foot in the shoe, but it didn't work. Sirius sighed and said, "Next, please."

Lily was forced to concede that Sirius was as good an actor as he claimed to be. When he arrived on the stage, he was greeted with cheering and whistling — Alice Wilkes had done a wonderful job as his clothes designer as well. As she watched Mafalda attempt to put the shoe on, Lily realised just how nervous she was now. It was bad enough doing the dancing scene with Sirius (she had definitely heard a wolf-whistle or two in the audience) but now she'd have to actually...no, there was no way she was going to think about it. She just had to grit her teeth and do it.

It was a last minute decision by the fourth-years who were directing the whole thing (it was only fair and, to their credit, they had done a brilliant job) so Lily and Sirius couldn't even rehearse it. But it wasn't as if Lily wanted to snog Sirius Black more than once anyway. In fact, she didn't even want to snog him this once. No, the person she wanted to snog was...well, she wasn't even going to go there.

Lily had seen James in the audience. She was glad when he laughed at Cinderella's funny lines and when Lily had to smile as part of the script, she tried her best to direct it towards James, as if that would be some kind of silent reconciliation between them. However, when Lily was dancing with Sirius, she wished with all her heart that Sirius' hands, on her waist, were James'.

She and Sirius had tried to persuade the girls to forget the kiss, but this was proving impossible. The fourth-years were resolute in their decision and even went as far as to call them unprofessional for acting the way they were. Imarnie even started crying, to the frustration of Sirius, and soon after, for the sake of the directors, Lily and Sirius agreed to kiss, heeding Amanda Abbott's dire warnings if they decided to do otherwise.

"May I — you've f-forgotten about me," Lily squeaked, nearly missing out a line, which merely added to Cinderella's meek character."May I try the slipper on, please?"

"But she's a _maid,_" Mafalda declared scornfully. "She's not worthy of your attention, Prince Sirius Lee Charming."

"I have searched the entire kingdom, and I have not found the right woman," Sirius said in an uncharacteristically aristocratic tone. He wrinkled his nose in a Regulus-like fashion. "Do not tell me who is worthy of my attention — particularly as it does not include you."

The audience oohed and aahed at that.

Sirius turned to Lily. "Of course you may try on the slipper," he told her kindly, handing her the shoe. "Here you go."

With trembling fingers (which simply added to Cinderella's anxious persona) Lily slipped on the shoe, which, of course, fitted her perfectly. "And I've got the other one! It fits, it fits!" she said triumphantly, withdrawing the other slipper and slipping it on.

"Oh no it doesn't!" shouted Professor Sprout.

"Oh yes it does!" the audience yelled back. They had really got into it now, without the need of the cues.

"OH NO IT DOESN'T!" Mafalda and Pramjeet screamed.

"OH YES IT DOES!" roared the students.

"Oh yes it does," Sirius echoed. He got down on one knee, amidst squeals and wolf-whistles, and asked, "Cinderella, will you marry me, and become _Mrs_ Sirius Lee Charming?"

Lily turned to the audience, clapping her hand over her mouth. She masked her nervousness by continuing the show. "Oh, I don't know what to say!" she exclaimed in a loud whisper. "What should I say?"

"Say yes!" said one of the first-years.

She cupped her hand over her ear. "I can't hear you! Should I say yes or no?"

"Say yes!" said the audience together.

Lily looked down at Sirius, and for the first time ever, she registered a hint of uneasiness in his eyes.

_The show must go on,_ Lily told herself.

"Yes!" she said finally. Sirius stood up again, and, before she could stop him, he had swung Lily around and kissed her full on the mouth.

Lily held the kiss for a moment for show and then they both pulled away from each other — it felt wrong, strangely so. As she opened her eyes, they widened in horror, as, amongst the cheering, Lily saw James stand up — but unlike the others, who had stood up to applaud them madly, James had a furious expression on his face. She caught his eye for a moment, begging him, pleading for him to understand, even though it was Lily who had rejected James and Lily who'd told him how they were just friends ...

James imperceptibly shook his head and stormed off, unnoticed by most of the students. The few heads turned swivelled around again rapidly as the cast began a curtain call, each character bowing as the audience applauded loudly. Lily had no time to think about anything as she waited her turn.

Finally, as the last actor bowed, Sirius spoke, his voice magnified against the raucous applause, which had turned into a standing ovation.

"I'd just like to say that this was all done in honour of Kian Robinson. We're — we're sure that if Kian was alive, he would've loved this, and he will live on in Hogwarts for many years to come. Goodnight, everyone, and thanks for coming! You've been a brilliant audience! We love you all!" Blowing a few kisses into the crowd, the stage darkened once more.

"Prongs, I—"

"I don't want to hear it, Sirius," James said angrily. He regretted opening the door to Sirius; for some reason he expected Lily, not him. "You can't do that. It's a Marauder rule, you know that."

"Oh, spare me the poor-little-me talk!" Sirius spat, all pretence of apology now gone. "Don't give me any of that 'Marauder rule' shit either — you told me, quite categorically, that there was nothing going on between you and Evans, that there never would be — and _it wasn't real_, for God's sake!"

"How does that suddenly give you a right to—"

"We're not even going out!" he shouted. "It was a _kiss!_ It's called acting!"

"But if—"

"No, James! There are no ifs or buts. Neither Lily nor I are attached. You don't count. So if Amanda, Imarnie and Ella wanted us to snog, we bloody well had to. It was nothing. It was one kiss, it lasted about two seconds and it meant absolutely nothing."

Sirius paused, waiting for James to interrupt again. But he didn't, so Sirius — interpreting this to mean that James believed him — continued tentatively, "Besides, I thought you weren't interested in Lily anymore? You said you'd moved on, remember?"

James looked away. He didn't reply. Yes, it was true he had said all of that to Sirius when he kept pestering him about his relationship with Lily, but that did not mean _what_ he said was true. In fact, James' reaction to what happened at the end of the pantomime proved that.

Without saying anything further to Sirius, James left the room, shutting the door behind him. He was in the common room now, and the after party was in full swing, with almost the entire cast present (save the few fourth-year Slytherins who had auditioned), along with most of Gryffindor House. As she always did at Christmas parties, the Fat Lady allowed people from other Houses to come into the common room, just for that night. There was food and plenty of drinks; music was playing from the wireless and it seemed like everyone was having a good time.

Taking a Butterbeer from a nearby table, James stood by himself in a corner of the common room, watching the students. He was sure that McGonagall was fully aware of the party, but because of the nature of it — as well as the fact that it was nearing Christmas — she had decided to turn a blind eye to it.

He was shaken out of his thoughts as a girl came up to him.

"Hi, James," she said, batting her eyelashes girlishly. "Are you OK?"

James knew her — her name was Maria Alessio and she was in a couple of his classes. Maria was the prettiest girl in the year — after Lily, of course. The difference between them was that Maria knew it and played it to her advantage. James and Maria had had an on-off relationship from fourth year until the middle of fifth year, but it had never been anything serious.

However, right now, seriousness was the last thing on James' mind.

"Yeah, Ria," said James. "I..."

"Thanks," Lily said to Edward McLaggen. He was congratulating her on her brilliant performance — and he wasn't the first one to do so, either.

She looked around, the worry eating her insides in spite of the smile painted on her face. Lily finally located James, and for the second time that evening, her green eyes widened with surprise as she saw him face-to-face — or, rather, lips-to-lips — with Maria Alessio.

The anxiousness in her dissolved and became anger as she watched them, horror-struck. Lily knew that she felt jealous, but now was not the time to for her to display her true emotions.

She jumped as Edward taking hold of her hand while chatting happily to her. Lily laughed at whatever terrible joke he had just made.

Much, much later, as the clock's hands reached eleven, Lily realised it was time for her and James' patrol. After their argument, James and Lily had been carrying out their patrols in silence, only talking to admonish students. They never had said a word to each other, however.

Walking over to the spot where she knew James would be, Lily said, "Oi, Potter, get up."

It was the first time she'd spoken to him since their interlude in the common room, which felt like it had occurred a long time ago. Lily had never had to tell James about patrol before, either, which meant that they never had to say even one word to each other before now.

James pulled away from Maria and frowned. "Oh. Sorry. I forgot," he said brusquely. "I'll see you later, Ria. Sorry."

"Yeah, see you, James. And don't worry — I'm going to be leaving soon with Jacob anyway."

"Right." James had forgotten Maria was in Ravenclaw. He didn't care. She wasn't very interesting company — all they had ever been to each other were snog buddies. He got up and followed Lily; both of them were unaware of just how angry they were about each other.

James and Lily left the common room in silence. They remained in silence as they finished patrolling three floors. They were on their fourth when James suddenly spoke, completely out of the blue.

"Y'know, Maria's really—"

"Shut up, Potter," Lily snapped before she could stop herself.

"Why?" James retorted belligerently. "Why've you got such a problem with me talking about her when _you_ were—?"

"Sh!" Lily shushed suddenly as she heard voices. James scowled at Lily but did obey her and they strained to listen to whatever was being said.

"...we can't be playing games anymore, you know."

"Mulciber," James whispered. Lily nodded furiously and placed a finger to her lips, telling him to be quiet so she could continue listening.

"It's not working. We're going to have to do it soon or the Dark Lord—" A different voice — one that James recognised immediately as Avery's.

"Quiet!" hissed yet another voice, this one only vaguely familiar. At this person's command, their loudness was muffled down to inaudible whispers.

They were coming nearer and nearer now. Lily stuck her head around a corner, peering into the corridor, and caught sight of Maria Alessio (who, thankfully, didn't notice her as her head was down). Lily whipped around again, knowing that the Slytherins were close by.

"What is it?" said James.

"Nothing," said Lily. She heard a strange sound in the broom cupboard nearby. "What was that? Did you hear that?"

She was starting to feel more paranoid now for some reason. "Did you?" Lily urged.

"No, I didn't, but let's just see anyway," James told her, staring at her weirdly.

He strode towards the broom cupboard and forced open the door. A boy and a girl were in there — both of them looked like they were in fifth year and the girl was a Ravenclaw prefect. They looked up indignantly, sighed and came out of the broom cupboard resignedly.

"I'm disappointed in you, Jasmine," James said sternly. She shrugged sheepishly, still holding the boy's hand. "Five points from Ravenclaw, I'm afraid, for being out of bounds after curfew. And five points from Hufflepuff too. Now get back to your dormitories."

"OK, OK," the boy sighed. "See you tomorrow, Jas."

James stepped into the broom cupboard, examining the mess within.

While James was admonishing the students, however, Lily was standing there, waiting. She knew that the Slytherins were getting nearer, and while she wasn't afraid of any of them, she didn't exactly feel in the mood to bump into them, particularly as it was her duty as Head Girl to tell them off and instruct them to go to their dormitories.

So when the voices seemed so close they were probably in the next corridor, Lily decided to take the cowardly approach and simply hide, waiting for them to pass. She went to where James was, in the broom cupboard, and after she entered, she shut the door quickly. It seemed she had done so just in time, because moments later, Lily could hear Regulus and Wilkes too as they passed the cupboard.

James was bewildered, however. He was simply in the broom cupboard, seeing if there really was anything suspicious amongst the three brooms and few buckets which were all stuffed into a corner of the tiny room. Suddenly, Lily bundled herself in, without saying a word, and shut the door so that they were both engulfed in pitch-black darkness.

He heard familiar voices and realised why Lily had done what she had. James fumbled for his wand and lit it, holding it in front of his face. He waited another minute as the Slytherins passed before he finally deemed it safe to speak. "Lily, what—"

"Sorry," Lily muttered. "I just didn't want them to see me. I know they'd jump at a chance to — well, I'm not in the mood for them at the moment."

"No, I understand," James murmured. He was suddenly aware of their close proximity with each other and their location. He knew what activity a broom cupboard was usually the place for, having already told two people to stop doing that very activity just a few minutes ago. James tried to move away but this was difficult as there wasn't much space.

"Lily, what happened...with us?"

She took a deep breath. She knew this was coming, knew that she had had it coming since the day they went to Hogsmeade together. "D'you really want to know?" she asked finally.

"'Course I do," he replied immediately.

"Before now, I used to think you were an arrogant, self-centred git."

James chuckled humourlessly.

"What's so funny?" asked Lily, only a trace of indignity in her voice.

"Every time you called me arrogant, in the past, there was nothing I could say to make you think otherwise, Lily," he told her softly.

"I don't understand."

"It's difficult to understand. Let me explain. If you call me arrogant, I can deny it and tell you I'm humble. But to you, that just says that I think far too much of myself to think that I am humble. Then again, I could agree with you and say yes, of course I'm arrogant. And then that would merely prove you right."

"What's your point?"

"My point, Lily, is that I have nothing to say to that, when you tell me that I'm egotistical, because either way I know that you'll always think I'm as big-headed as you say I am. And, you know, that was OK for a while. As your _friend_ you didn't seem to have any problems with me, arrogant or humble. It was only when I wanted more — and I know you did too — that things went haywire." James' candid statement was met by more silence.

"But I'm not _supposed_ to like you," Lily said at last. "This isn't about _whether_ I like you or not — I'm not _meant_ to."

"And why is that, may I ask? Why are you not supposed to like me?" James said calmly. The liquid courage from the Firewhiskey he had drunk at the party was kicking in, and he suddenly didn't care what was going to happen next. All he knew was that he needed answers, and he needed them now.

"Because — because — for a whole load of reasons!" she burst out, losing all of her composure. "Why do you think I haven't — we haven't — you know, that I've always said no to you?"

"I don't know, Lily. I really don't. Enlighten me." His tone was almost cold, and Lily wanted more than ever for him to be the old, teasing James who wasn't serious about anything, ever. The tension between them was so thick that it was possible to slice the air in half with a knife.

"Severus always told me that I could do better," Lily admitted. "And at the time, I could see why. I'm sorry if you can't say anything back to this, James, but you were pretty big-headed back then. But Sev...Sev was almost possessive sometimes."

"Let me get this straight," James said, torn between the desire to laugh and the one to get out of the bloody broom cupboard and march right up to Severus Snape to give him a good hexing. "You didn't go out with me because Snape _told_ you not to?"

"It wasn't just because of that. There're other reasons."

"Such as?" James waved his wand, turning two buckets upside-down so they thudded softly on the floor.

"James, d'you remember the day when Kian...died?"

"Vividly," said James, nodding as he sat down on one of the upturned buckets. Lily copied him. "What about it?"

"Dumbledore said how both of the victims were romantically involved with me and everything."

"So?"

"I — I know it was stupid and everything but — but I couldn't help thinking, what if that...what if that happened to you? What if I got involved with you...romantically, and then...what if you were next?"

"Are you joking, Lily?" James asked, shaking his head in disbelief. He couldn't even fathom _why_ Lily would even think like that, but, then again, she _had_ attempted suicide, so...

She shook her head. "Nope. Dead serious, sadly."

"So...what does this mean?"

"I don't know, James. I mean, since seventh year started, I have to say that your ego has deflated by about a million per cent. But, you know, I've always — sort of in the back of my mind, really — thought you were smart and funny and good-looking and all that, ever since the end of third year, really."

James gasped. "Are you joking, Lily?" he repeated in awe. "You've fancied me for more than _three_ years and you pick _now_ to tell me?"

"I didn't say I fancied you then, James," she corrected him. "I said I found you smart and funny and good-looking. But that doesn't mean I _liked_ you. Not until this year. Before then you were the arrogant show-off — exactly what Severus told me you were. Only, to me, you were more than that. You were a smart, funny, handsome show-off who was too brilliant at everything he did for his own good. And the worst thing was that you and everyone else knew just how bloody wonderful you are. But to me, you were just a boaster, and even though you said you liked me, I thought that I would be one of the many in that long string of girlfriends that you've had..."

"Actually, Lily, I think you're confusing me with Sirius..." James couldn't help but interrupt with a smile. Lily shook her head and ploughed on.

"That's what Sev always said to me, too. He said that I was worth more than that. And he had a point — how could I like someone like you, who freely hexed my best friend at every opportunity?"

_He was your_ best_ friend?_ James felt like saying incredulously. However, he bit his tongue, listening to the rest of Lily's speech.

"It was only last year that you stopped doing that. You stopped being a show-off, you stopped being an arrogant toe-rag, and...I don't know...maybe it's because of everything that's happened this year, that you haven't had time to...either way, I couldn't stop myself from liking you. And it was only now that I realised that no matter how much I might tell myself that I don't like you — or how much I told Severus, for that matter — even if I snog two guys in one night, it's not going to stop me wishing that the guy I'm kissing is you." At this point, Lily blushed so furiously that she stood up from her bucket and moved a few inches away, facing the wall as she continued to speak, not noticing James getting up as well and kicking the buckets from him. "Still, I'm — I'm scared for you, James. I don't want you to be the next one. The Ministry were right. Everyone I'm involved with seems to get hurt. And I don't want — no, I can't let that happen."

"I won't let them hurt me," James breathed. He was nearer her now. "Look at me, Lily." He put a hand on her shoulder and gently turned her around to face him, his lit wand illuminating their faces so they were ghostly in the pale light. "Whoever did that to Kian and to Will, I'll make sure that they don't get to me. Or you."

"Promise?" Lily's eyes were full of something that he had never seen before as they met his hazel ones.

He nodded. "I promise."

At last, Lily leaned forwards, closing the little space they had between them and kissed him. James' wand dropped to the floor with a small bang and a shower of sparks but he didn't notice this as his hands tangled into her hair while hers were caressing his neck. Their mouths opened simultaneously and Lily's tongue slid across James' in a way that sent shivers down James' spine. Lily's back was pressed against the wall but she only kissed him more deeply, and she felt pure and utter bliss for the first time in the entire year as she was lifted from her feet by James Potter in a broom cupboard.

Finally, reluctantly, Lily tried to pull away as she remembered what they were supposed to be doing.

"We've got to patrol, James," she told him wryly against his lips. "C'mon...I feel like a hypocrite." She bent down and picked up James' wand, feeling some of the colour leave her cheeks at last.

"Why d'you feel like a hypocrite?" he asked, taking his wand from her with a smile and stealing another kiss. It took all of her willpower to push him away.

"Because...well, _you_ should, anyway. After all, it was you who told a couple of fifth-years to stop snogging, so it's only fair that..."

"Yeah, yeah," James interrupted. She was still squashed against him, her arm around his waist, and his slung across her shoulders. "Come on then...plenty of time for that later, I suppose." The last was said with a wide, mischievous smile and yet another kiss as he opened the door.

"James?" Lily murmured as they stepped outside the cupboard.

"Hmm?"

"What are you going to do when this is all over?" She gestured at the air, and he knew what she meant.

James paused for a moment. "Er...you're going to laugh."

"I won't," Lily assured him, playing with his hair with her free hand.

He grinned. "I want to travel the world," he told her softly. "I want to go to Turkey, Morocco, Spain, Italy, America, Hawaii, France...get out of this hell-hole of a country and go somewhere sunny."

Lily smiled but before she could say anything further, they heard the unmistakeable sound of screaming. They turned to each other, horror-struck expressions on their faces, and they realised, in that moment, that Hogwarts really was no longer safe.

**Chapter End Notes:**

Cliffhanger! Review please! Oh, also, on another note, the "would've, could've, should've, but you didn't" thing is an indirect quote from Alan Sugar, an inspirational East Londoner who's now a millionaire businessman. He hosts The Apprentice — the British version, of course.


	11. Vicious Circles

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

So Maria Alessio was last heard screaming, just moments after James and Lily had established that they do indeed have feelings for each other. What will happen next? Read to find out! But, fair warning — towards the end of the chapter, there is a mature theme which some may find rather upsetting. If that is the case, it's better for you (and me) that you don't read it. Also, there will be some strong language from the outset. Thanks, as always, to Alex and Stacey for their beta'ing.

"When did you discover the body?"

"Why were you out of bounds?"

"Did you see anyone around you?"

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"Can you think of anyone who would want to kill her?"

"Would _you_ want to kill her?"

"Where were you on the night of the murder?"

"Can anyone vouch for your location at the time of Miss Alessio's death and torture?"

On and on it went. It was a vicious circle of questions, posed to both James and Lily (although they were in separate rooms in the Ministry of Magic). They had been awake for the last day; the Ministry hadn't even thought of the fact that Lily and James hadn't slept, and they showed no sign of relenting as the interrogations continued further. It didn't help that the Christmas holidays had already started, which, in the officials' opinion, gave them just cause to retain Lily and James for a longer amount of time.

After what seemed like eternity (during which time the interrogators had yawned and swapped with others so that they were able to get sleep) James had finally had enough, and in the other room, Lily had decided likewise.

"OK, can you stop now, please?" Lily said at last, her voice weary due to lack of sleep.

"I am sure that he has every intention of doing so, Miss Evans," interrupted Dumbledore pleasantly, appearing suddenly in the room and making Lily jump. "Mr...ah, Mr Jonas Smith, is it?"

The man who was questioning Lily nodded, clenching his teeth.

"I believe Miss Evans has had to suffer far too much with your incessant questioning for the past...how long has it been?" Dumbledore asked Lily politely, as if asking about the weather.

Lily glanced at her watch, frowning. "They brought me and James in yesterday night at ten o'clock. It's now sixteen minutes past eleven p.m., sir."

"That doesn't—" Jonas Smith began, but Dumbledore cut him short.

"You will release Miss Evans, and Mr Potter in the next room," he said to the man sharply. It was not a question — it was an order. "Anything they have said or done in the past twenty-five hours and sixteen minutes will not be valid in the Wizengamot because, as you very well know, anyone questioned by a member of the Ministry of Magic, whether a suspect or a helper in an investigation, should not be interrogated for a millisecond longer than ten hours. See the Rights of Witnesses Act, 1689, for full details — that is, if they are slightly fuzzy in your brain, which I suspect they are. I advise that in the future, you do not ambush my students — particularly not my Head Boy and Girl — or bring them here without just cause, no matter what the circumstances are, or what part, if any, Miss Evans and Mr Potter have played in the events of yesterday."

Within fifteen minutes, James, Lily and Dumbledore were standing near the fountain; its bottom was littered with bronze Knuts, silver Sickles, and while they were few and far between, a couple of stray Galleons. James added to the coins, throwing in five Galleons like they were Muggle pennies, adding a few Sickles after a moment's thought, along with two Knuts.

"I trust you will be able to reach your families by yourselves?" Dumbledore asked, just as James straightened up.

"Yeah," said James immediately. Lily nodded somewhat drably a moment later as she was reminded painfully that she had opted to avoid her family for even longer. She had already made arrangements with Mary to spend Christmas in the MacDonalds' house.

"Very well. I shall see you both after the holidays. Until then—" He held out his hand to James, who shook it, and then to Lily, "—farewell, and merry Christmas."

"Same to you, sir," said Lily, letting go of Dumbledore's long fingers after a moment.

"Yeah, Professor, have a good Christmas."

"Jamie, darling! Are you all right? Where have you been? Have they been feeding you?"

James thought that he had never been so disappointed to hear his mother's voice before. Then again, he'd never stayed up twenty-six hours straight before either, so he supposed that his mind was simply addled.

"I'm fine, Mum," he muttered as he crossed the threshold. He noticed vaguely that his trunk was at the foot of the stairs, and wondered when it had arrived. He hugged his mother, not feeling the usual comfort in her maternal embrace, and over her shoulder he spotted his dad.

"Hi, Dad," he called as he let go of his mum.

"Hello, son," said his father, raising his hand in greeting. Despite Callum Potter's small smile, James thought that he only looked marginally better than he did when he had last seen them, which was at the very end of August, just before James was starting school. "So, what did they ask you, James?"

James sighed; he really wasn't in the mood for answering even more questions. He wasn't even hungry. All he wanted to do was curl up in his bed and go to sleep.

Thankfully his mother came to the rescue.

"Callum, Jamie's tired. He's just been interrogated by the Ministry about whatever happened in Hogwarts. The last thing he wants is for you to be bombarding him even more. Jamie, if you're hungry, I'll fix something up for you, but if you'd rather have a kip and then eat whenever you fancy, that's fine by me. Just ask Honey. I've got some tidying up to do anyway — stuff that I can't trust the elves to do. Is that all right with you?"

James nodded, exhausted.

"Go on, then, Callum. Don't just stand there — take James' trunk up for him. It's the least you could do right now; look how tired Jamie is!"

Mr Potter scowled for a moment, but then he plastered a fake smile on his face and levitated James' trunk with his wand up the stairs, something that James, due to his sleep-deprived brain, was unable to do at that current moment.

"Dumbledore sent it," Laura Potter explained, answering James' unasked question. "Have a good sleep, Jamie darling!"

Sometimes, James really did love his mum.

When he opened his eyes several hours later, James pulled back the heavy curtain in his bedroom and saw, outside, that the sky was a dark, inky blue, streaked with the murky charcoal grey of the clouds, the dull colour dotted here and there in the stark expanse of indigo. The moon was shining brightly against the shadowy depths of the skies, and James grimaced as he thought of Remus, who would be transforming later that week, without his friends to keep him company.

He realised just how hungry he was; he hadn't eaten anything for more than a day. Putting his feet into his slippers and slipping on his dressing gown, James carefully opened his bedroom door and shut it behind him quietly. He listened circumspectly; despite the late hour, he could hear the low rumble of voices coming from the passageway, and he wondered who would be there at this time of night (or early morning, if he wanted to look at it that way).

Straining his ears, James distinguished a familiar-sounding voice.

"Yes, you're perfectly welcome to stay for Christmas, Anne," Callum Potter was saying. "Would you like some food? A drink?"

"N-no, Cal, but th-thanks anyway. I — I don't want to impose on you or anything, arriving so late, but I—" Anne King, wife of Joseph King, trailed off in a quiet voice. It sounded shaky, as if she'd been crying.

"Not at all," Laura insisted. "Let's take your bags upstairs, Anne."

James heard the sounds of footsteps coming up the stairs and he hid inside a nearby airing cupboard just as his mother and Anne went past. Abruptly, they sounded like they halted, and James heard the unmistakeable sobbing of his surrogate aunt.

"It's — it's just that empty house," Anne cried. "It's so...big, and all to myself! I couldn't bear to be there for a second longer, Laura, honestly, especially after...oh!" She subsided into a fresh wave of tears just as James was beginning to feel his obvious discomfort, both at hearing Anne during such a personal moment and due to his uncomfortable position in the airing cupboard.

"Oh, Anne, don't cry," Laura said kindly, although James was sure he could detect weariness in her tone, as if she had done this many times before. "Everything will be all right."

She sounded like she was leading her away and, sure enough, moments later, James heard a door close. Finally he came out. He wasn't entirely sure why he was hiding from Anne; all he knew was that if she was here, she was bound to make a big fuss and cry about everything even more, and James was certainly not in the mood for that.

After careful consideration, James set off down the stairs as his hunger kicked in again. He was met by their house-elf, Honey.

"Honey, can I have...actually, just give me anything. Anything and everything. I'm starving." The elf nodded dutifully and within seconds, she had scurried to the kitchen and back with a plate laden with steak, chips, peas and salad.

"Is there anything else Honey can get Master James?" Honey asked.

James shook his head, his mouth full of chips. His ravenousness and thirst slowly became satisfied as the house-elf placed a huge slice of vanilla cheesecake in front of him, refilling his glass with Butterbeer, and finishing with a Victoria sponge, despite James' insistence that he wasn't hungry (which belied his rumbling stomach, of course).

By the time he managed to stagger back upstairs, feeling so full he could fall over, he found an owl sitting on his bed, bearing a letter. He didn't recognise the owl.

As soon as James detached the letter from the owl's leg, it flew towards Sadie, James' tawny owl. The cage door was open, so the owl flew straight towards her and began drinking from her water tray.

James slit open the letter and read:

_Prongs,_

Are you all right? I don't know much about what happened. Someone was killed — that's all I know, really. (I won't say who in case this gets into the wrong hands, but you know who I mean.) Padfoot said that he knew he told you he'd visit at Christmas, but because you weren't there when we took the train home, he thought it was a bit...you know, a bit intrusive that he go to yours when you're not even there and your parents are probably worried sick about you.

Padfoot is at mine. He said that there was no way he was going to stay at his flat for Christmas on his own. Wormtail's here too; he was invited to my house before anyway, so it's the three of us at the moment. I wanted to ask if you could to join us, since we're all here already. If you want to spend Christmas with your family, we all understand, but it would be more fun if you could come too.

Send your reply with Remy. If you come tomorrow, it would be great, as my mum has got me roped in helping her with the Christmas decorations and everything, now Wormy and Paddy are here, so you could help too. If you're too tired or you just can't be bothered, it's not a problem, but reply anyway to tell us. Just let your parents know and send Remy back when you find out.

Hopefully see you soon,

Moony

P.S. Don't laugh about Remy's name. My mum gave me him as an early Christmas present and she chose the name because she thought it was so cute. And now if I don't call him Remy he won't answer, so Remy it is, sadly.

As soon as James finished reading, he heard an extremely distant wail, from the room below him, and his decision was made for him. Sod his parents, for once. He'd rather be with his friends.

"I'm sorry," Anne said for the tenth time as she sat on the bed in the guest room.

"Stop apologising," Laura insisted, almost snappishly, as she seated herself in the armchair nearby and prepared herself for the latest melodrama with the Kings. She was more than a little annoyed, despite her words, as it was very late — or very early, depending on how she looked at things. Nevertheless, Laura supposed that Anne's arrival was partly her fault; she had always told her that she was welcome, whenever she wanted, after all. "Now, what's the problem?"

"The boys asked me round to theirs today." Anne had two boys, who were in their thirties. In fact, if Laura remembered correctly, Tom and Chris King were both happily married with children of their own.

"So?"

"You know that Robbie still hasn't shown any signs of magic yet?" Laura nodded, remembering Anne's ten-year-old grandson. She continued, "Well, today, over dinner, Chris told me that they've had someone look at him, some sort of Healer, apparently, and...and...the man confirmed it. Robbie...he's a Squib!"

"There, there," said Laura gently, reaching forwards and patting her arm. "So what did you do?"

For the first time since Anne arrived, she looked embarrassed. "I...I yelled at Chris," she finally admitted, in a small voice. "And at Mia. I told them what a failure they were, the pair of them, and that Chris didn't deserve to be a father if he was going to conceive...I said a lot of stuff. I shouted at Mia, told her how useless she was, that she couldn't even produce anything half-decent, and then I started on...I started on Robbie, too."

Laura shook her head disbelievingly. She had not expected this from someone who was supposed to be a grieving widow. Not this.

"What did you say to Robbie?" she asked softly, dreading the answer, but knowing it was necessary to ask.

"I was such a bitch to him, Laura," said Anne faintly. "It didn't help that I was drunk, to be honest. I said that...that he was an embarrassment to the family, and that — that he was as good as...dead..." She trailed off, and Laura patted her arm again.

"There, there," she said gently. "I'll make you some tea, shall I?"

Anne just about registered Laura leaving the room as the repulsiveness of her words and her actions tattooed themselves into the windows of her thoughts.

_"You know what?" Anne had yelled at her grandson, whose face was filled with terror at the sight of his raving grandma, his dinner forgotten on his plate. "You're fucking useless, you are, you stupid Squib. You might as well be dead...better you than your grandpa!"_

Chris and Tom had both stood up at the same time, making the cutlery at the dinner table clatter. Chris' wife, Mia, and Tom's wife, Tiana, also stood up. Without a word, the two women dragged the four children, including Robbie, out of the room, shaking their heads as they went. The children were evidently very upset, and the sounds of struggle and crying filled the air, which was already thick with pent-up tension.

"Ma, who the fuck_ d'you think you are?" asked Chris in a quiet, furious tone. His fists had been clenched the entire time, and it was only now that he unfurled his fingers, all the while staring at his mother._

"Don't talk to me like that, son," Anne insisted, and in her tipsiness, she dropped her glass of Firewhiskey.

"Ma, this isn't fair," said Tom as evenly as he could. "You can't talk like that to Robbie—"

"And why did you have to bring Dad into this?" Chris interrupted his brother. "Seriously, woman, what the fuck is wrong with you? You have the bloody cheek to talk to my son like that and you don't expect me to—"

"Why shouldn't I bring your dad into it?" Anne countered. "Your dad has everything to do with it."

Chris took a deep breath. "Dad is dead, Ma," he said finally, and suddenly, all the anger in his voice was sucked out of him by the insistence in his mother's. "When are you going to accept that? He's gone, and now we've got to move on." His expression was now one of frustration mingled with pity.

However, while her son's fury abated, Anne's rage merely increased tenfold. "I can't!" she cried. "How do you expect me to move on?"

"We loved him too, you know," Tom said quietly, trying to sound placating, ever the peacemaker. "You've got to understand—"

"Understand? Understand?_ Of course I fucking well _understand_ — you two don't give a flying fuck about your dad! All you care about, the pair of you, are your stupid wives and your even more stupid children. If you're going to pretend Joseph never existed because you don't care about him, then you two are no sons of mine anymore! _Especially,_" here she fixed Chris with a rather drunken glare, "if you're going to produce dirty Squibs. I'm leaving, and I don't want to see either of you ever again. And when I die—" now there were tears streaming down her wrinkled cheeks "—don't fucking bother coming to my fucking funeral."_

With that, Anne spun unsteadily on the spot and Disapparated back to her house.

The next day, James repacked the little he had removed from his trunk and bade goodbye to his dismayed parents and sobbing honorary aunt. Once he had Apparated outside Remus' house — a quite, isolated cottage — he was greeted by Remus' mother, a kindly woman with a round face and friendly eyes.

"Why, hello, James!" she said the moment he let go of his trunk. "I haven't seen you for so long!" Mrs. Lupin gave James a huge hug which left him slightly overwhelmed. Aisha Lupin was a Muggle, and he'd only ever seen her at the train station and once at James' house, but James had never met a kinder woman in his life, except perhaps his mother. When she finally released him, James turned left into the sitting room where Remus, Peter and Sirius were putting the final adjustments to the Christmas tree.

"Prongs!" said Remus and Peter in unison, halting in their work to greet him. While James answered his friends' questions about where he'd been and the interrogations in the Ministry, James' attention was fixed on Sirius, who had remained seated, Conjuring tinsel and draping it artistically on the tree. He hadn't looked up since James entered the room.

Suddenly sensing the tension, Remus, frowning, said quickly, "Er...I think Mum's calling me. She probably wants me to make salad or something...come on, Wormy."

"But I thought we had to—" Peter began, but Remus quelled him with a warning look, gesturing none too subtly at Sirius and James. "Oh," he said as comprehension dawned slightly too late. Remus and Peter left the room.

James and Sirius didn't talk to each other for a few moments. Then Sirius broke the silence.

"Are you..." he began tentatively, "are you talking to me?"

James stared at him but didn't say anything.

"Listen, OK; nothing's going on between me and Evans," Sirius insisted. "Trust me. It was one kiss. We did it because the fourth-years wanted us to. We both said no at first, but then one of the girls had a right hissy fit, so we had to agree to it in the end. Besides, she's too besotted with you to think about me."

The last comment made James laugh; it was the first time he had done so since Maria Alessio's torture and murder.

"I — I know," said James finally. He was smiling now, as he remembered what had happened just before the discovery of Maria's battered body, and the tension eased completely. "We had to patrol, you know, that night, and she...well, put it this way, Padfoot. She told me that she liked me since — guess what? — third year!"

"You're _joking!_"

"I'm not. That's what she said, anyway. Well, she said she thought I was attractive ever since the end of third year, but she only started liking me this year. So we were in the broom cupboard on the third floor when the murder happened, and..."

"Oh. That's why you were taken to the Ministry."

"So what went on when I left?" James asked, his grin fading away from his face as he realised that they were going to have to talk about depressing matters now.

Sirius grimaced. "Well, I was with Tilly—"

"Matilda Fawcett? What happened to Michelle?"

"We've been on-off for far too long," said Sirius promptly. "It was about time I found myself someone else."

"Right," said James, silently urging him to carry on with his eyes. Sirius got the message and continued.

"Maria interrupted us and...and the details go a bit hazy here," he said apologetically. "That's because of all the Firewhiskey I had — after-parties are great fun, but I had a bit of a hangover the next day. But I can remember that Maria left only a little while after you, because someone else was wondering where she was, and...yeah. That's what happened."

James nodded, wondering why he hadn't seen Maria during their patrol. "The Ministry were asking all sorts of questions," he admitted. "They really pissed me off, actually — not to mention the fact that they kept me and Lily awake for so long."

"How long?" Sirius asked.

"According to Dumbledore, twenty-five and a half hours is how long we spent in the interrogation rooms."

"No shit! Bloody hell, Prongs. You've had a rough time."

"I know," James sighed. He perked up slightly as Peter and Remus appeared again, looking relieved that Sirius and James were talking normally. "Still, let's put this depressing stuff behind us. It's Christmas, guys!"

In the run-up to Christmas Day, James, Remus, Sirius and Peter all helped with decorating the house, making food and cleaning up. According to Remus, they hadn't had guests around for a long time, as neither Aisha nor John Lupin were on very friendly terms with their respective families (made none the better by their son's lycanthropy).

James enjoyed himself immensely; it was the first time he was doing real work for fun and with his friends, something he had never had to do with the many house-elves in his house at his disposal. Peter and Remus, on the other hand, were used to this, and did not understand Sirius' or James' enthusiasm to do yet more chores.

Often, the four of them would go to the woods, where they would lazily walk and talk and fly on their broomsticks, even though James always out-flew the others. There was an old, disused hovel there, where, Remus informed his friends, he would transform, in the few months he was not at school.

On Christmas Eve, it was full moon, and Remus' parents were surprised as their son and his friends left the house cheerfully in the morning, telling them that they would be back before Christmas Day. Although concerned for Remus' friends' safety, John and Aisha decided to let them be, knowing that intelligent boys like them would know better than to put their lives at risk like that.

When the time came for Remus' transformation, it was different from the usual procedure. This time, Remus, Sirius, Peter and James were all in the hut together, the latter three in their Animagus forms, as Remus transformed into a werewolf.

James still found it rather unnerving to watch his kind-faced, decent-minded and ridiculously intelligent friend turn into something which James found so hideous in its potential dangerousness. Even in James' animal form, while his thoughts were ever so slightly stag-like, he couldn't help but feel that tiny thrill of fear run through his spine as Remus became a monster and charged at Sirius.

Barking, the dog pushed him away in an almost playful manner and the wolf's jaws bit at the air instead of Sirius. The wolf advanced on Sirius again, but this time James came forward, and the werewolf clawed, satisfied, into the stag's torso. James could barely feel the pain but he could see the vicious swipes on his chest, and he reminded himself that it wasn't Remus who was attacking him; it was a wolf...as it started chasing Sirius in a circle, James brought up the rear, a rat trailing after them, its tail wagging.

The Marauders, led by Sirius, went out of the shack, and they roamed the woods, James and Sirius keeping the werewolf contained and Peter distracting it when needed. It was difficult work, far more difficult than anything the Marauders had ever attempted in their lives, but they relished the satisfaction of it; the fact that their friend's life was made that much easier felt rewarding for the Animagi. In fact, there was nothing more rewarding than seeing Remus' happy anticipation of his next transformation, James reflected.

All in all, James couldn't have asked for a more enjoyable Christmas...even if it was spent, he thought wryly, in a werewolf's lair, with a rat and a dog for company.

The day before James was due to return to Hogwarts, Callum Potter was sitting, alone, in his vast living room. Sighing, he looked around, taking in the ever-familiar cream and brown hues of the walls and furniture and carpet and rugs. The décor was tasteful and pleasant, but Callum frowned as he fingered the soft upholstery of the arm of the sofa. Nothing ever seemed right these days, for him. He barely registered the sound of footsteps going up the stairs, thinking it to be Honey or one of the other house-elves.

His wife did not appreciate his sullenness. She had endured it for a while, blaming it on Callum's grief for his best friend, Joseph King, but then, yesterday, Laura had finally snapped. He was not sure what exactly had triggered her temper, but he suspected it had something to do with Anne. Whatever the cause, Callum finally realised that after months of being patient and making excuses, Laura had had enough, and she hadn't talked to him since their argument, despite their being in the same house. Today, before Callum had woken up, Laura had scribbled a note to him, telling him that she had gone to visit a friend, and not to expect her back until later on in the night.

It was uncommon for the couple to have fights now — they were far too old for such trivial things — and it did help, Callum conceded, when James was born, for it gave them reasons to spoil and indulge their only son, and in doing so, bury their unsaid problems and past, hoping that it would not resurface in the near future. And for a while, that seemed to be the case, as the Potters appeared to be a happy and wealthy family, and with James' glowing results, which Laura proudly showed off to all of her friends, it seemed that nothing could go wrong.

Callum buried his face into his hands, consumed with his moodiness. Lifting his head again, he examined his hands, which were now wrinkled and worn with age, just like the rest of his body. He knew he was getting on — his brown hair, streaked liberally with grey and even some white, said that much, and there were more lines under his eyes than he could count. Callum felt older than ever, but it did not give him any satisfaction to know this.

He stared into space glumly, wondering if every day was going to be like this. It certainly seemed that way.

Unbidden, a squeaky, familiar voice emanated from upstairs.

"Master Callum! Master! Master must come here at once!" Honey's tone was one of fear mingled with shock; Callum leapt to his feet with surprising strength, his agility betraying his old age. It was almost as if he was waiting for something out of the ordinary to happen.

"What's wrong, Honey?" Callum called a minute later, catching his breath as he reached the top of the stairs. The elderly house-elf emerged from the guest room where Callum knew Anne was residing.

"Master Callum...Mistress Anne has...has..." Honey trailed off, tears all over her cheeks, unable to say a word further.

Brow furrowed, Callum moved towards the door of the guest room, steeling himself for what he might find. Suddenly, his fatigue overwhelmed him again and it took all his remaining energy to make himself open the door.

What he found made him gasp aloud. Anne King was sitting on her bed, her wand pointing at herself, her head bent, emitting small green sparks, as she repeated the spell haltingly, her eyes red from trying: "_Avada...Avada...Keda...Kedavra...Av-av_...oh, Rowena!"

"What on earth are you trying to do, Anne?" Callum breathed. He maintained his distance, unsure about what Anne would do next.

"I'm going to be with Joe," Anne informed Callum almost matter-of-factly. "I'm not for this world anymore, Cal. You of all people should know that." She started muttering again, cursing under her breath when all that came out of her wand were feeble puffs of green smoke.

Callum thought, for one wild moment, that Anne had gone mad, mad with the grief and pain that surrounded her. But then he looked at her, properly, and realised that she was as sane as he was.

"I can't let you do this, Anne. Laura would never forgive me if I—"

"This isn't about Laura," Anne interrupted. "And at least you've got a spouse. Never mind how faithful you've been to her — the point is, she's there. And Joe...Joe's up there." She pointed upwards and smiled a terrible, sad, soft smile. "I don't think he's down there. I don't know where I'm heading, but I'm beyond caring now, anyway."

She continued to murmur the spell, now jabbing herself in the stomach impatiently. "_Why_ can't I die?"

Callum shook his head disbelievingly, unable to comprehend Anne's actions.

"I do care about you, Anne," he heard himself saying. "I just can't believe that you're going to—"

"If you care about me, Cal, let me go," Anne urged. Her blue eyes, once as dead as her husband, were filled with fire, nearly as lined as Callum's.

"Your kids — your grandkids..."

"They won't miss their grandma or their ma, for that matter; I can assure you that much. They'll be glad to see me go. They can't help me right now. But you can. Help me, Cal. Please."

"D'you know how selfish you're being?" Callum tried a different tack: guilt.

"You're Joe's friend. You're the only one who gives a fuck about me," she said, the expletive leaving her mouth before she realised how literal her words were. It was quite lucky, she thought, when Callum seemed to disregard this.

"There are other ways of dying...without magic...you'll be able to...to say goodbye..." He was trying to distract her, delay things a bit, but to no avail.

"No." She was resolute. "I have to die. I want to die, and I want you to do it — now. If I could, I'd have did it myself, but I can't. Do it for me. Please. Please!"

"I can't," said Callum. He noted, nervously, the sound of the door opening and closing, and hoped it was one of the house-elves. Callum was rooted to the spot, unable to turn around and see who it was because it was as if his eyes were glued to Anne's.

"I'm already dying, Cal. I was dying of loneliness before and I'm dying from loneliness now, as well as grief. I just want to speed up the process a little. No one will know. No one needs to know. It's just one spell. Take my wand. You can make it look like I did it. Please. Just do it. For me?"

Joseph King's face floated into Callum's mind unexpectedly. It had an uncharacteristically serious look on it as he instructed his friend, "_Do what she's asking. It's best for her, Cal. Tell her I'll see her soon._"

It disappeared as quickly as it had arrived, and Callum reached forwards to Anne, asking her wordlessly for her wand. Raising his shaking wand arm, he pointed the wand at Anne King and whispered, "Joseph said that he'll — he'll see you soon. Goodbye, Anne."

The words "thank you" were on Anne's lips, yet they never made it out of her mouth, because of what happened a moment later.

"_Avada Kedavra._"

To James, it was as if everything was moving in slow motion; a jet of green light exploded silently from the wand; Anne's body shook a little at the spell's impact; her eyes became glassy at once, but there was an unmistakeably peaceful (or was it grateful?) smile on her face as she left the world, only a little too early.

Callum's hands were trembling as he placed Anne's wand in her outstretched hand, which was still warm, as if she wasn't dead. And then, to make matters even more complicated that they already were, his worst fear became true. Callum heard the one voice he had never wanted to hear less — it seemed that he and Anne had had a most unwanted audience.

"D-dad?"

**Chapter End Notes:**

I'm sorry if this upset anyone, but I did have the warning at the beginning. I have a really bad habit of ending chappies with deaths, don't I? :P Review please! Did you think that Callum would do it? I didn't expect things to happen the way they did, and I didn't plan on making Anne such a b!tch, but I hope you liked it anyway. If you didn't, please review and let me know, and if you did like it, please review and let me know that. I love reviews of every kind, and it's embarrassing, frankly, about how pleased I am when I receive them. So please review!


	12. Memories

**Chapter Summary**:  
In this chapter, now definitely my least favourite, I think it'll get the most kissy-kissy — barely any, in other words. Just for the record, there will never be any sexual situation in this story, which is why I don't have that warning. James has just witnessed what no seventeen-year-old should ever have to see. How is he going to deal with it? And what will happen to his new-found relationship with Lily? Read to find out!As always, cheers to Alex and Stacey for their much-valued beta'ing. This chapter in particular would be even crapper than it is now without them.

It was the day after Remus' transformation. On the other side of England, five counties away, Lily and Mary woke up. Lily was sharing Mary's room, as she usually did when staying with the MacDonalds. At the foot of their beds were the usual stacks of presents. After giving each other a hug and wishing the other a merry Christmas, they eagerly got down to the important business of opening their presents.

Lily immediately began sorting through hers. There was one from her parents, wrapped in blue and pink paper, as usual. She recognised a present from Mary and another smaller one from Mary's parents. She noticed the gifts she received annually from a couple of cousins and an aunty of hers. That left three more.

She was surprised, more than anything, to even find a present from Petunia — she knew it was from her sister due to Petunia's custom style of wrapping gifts: with newspaper, tied with brightly coloured ribbon and with her usual paper flower. Lily received exactly what she expected: a bath set, complete with lotions, a loofah and bath crystals. It was what Petunia sent her sister every year. She was comforted by the fact that at least Petunia wasn't that angry at her if she was going to send her a Christmas present. The same could be said, therefore, about her parents.

Then again, Lily always thought that Petunia was set in her ways like that.

Moving on, Lily saw there was a book-shaped package (which she guessed was from Remus) and finally, Lily unwrapped the remaining present — which was unexpectedly light — carefully, wondering what she would find and who had sent it.

A card fell out first, and Lily read:

_Lily,_

Happy Christmas! I hope you like your present. I chose it ages ago...I just hope you've got good memories!

James

It was written in James' bold, plain script. Disappointingly, there was no sign in the letter that he had meant anything as a romantic gesture — anyone who didn't know them could easily think James was nothing more than a friend judging by his note.

_What were you expecting?_ Lily scolded herself. _"Dear Lily" or maybe "Love James" at the end? Bloody love hearts? Little kisses? As if._

Shaking her head, Lily was drawn from her thoughts by Mary saying she was going to the bathroom. As soon as she did, Lily looked at the present. At first, she thought it was a bit of parchment.

Lily frowned; why would James send her blank parchment? Then, she noticed that there was another note on the back.

_It's called a Cervellica Scroll. You just extract a memory that you want to relive and put it into the scroll. I thought it would make a nice present. I hope you like it and find it useful when you've got too many thoughts in your head!_

Lily smiled at James' thoughtfulness. She couldn't wait to see him again, and for once, the nagging voice in her head which warned her against becoming close to James was muted by her excitement at the prospects of their developing relationship together.

For the most part, the rest of the holiday passed uneventfully. Lily enjoyed her time at Mary's, comforted by the fact that her parents had returned the owl that delivered their presents with a letter. She was finally able to correspond with her parents again, and that made her feel a little better about herself given the events just before the holidays.

Still, Lily looked forward to returning to school.

They had agreed to meet under James' favourite beech tree on the Sunday before their classes began again at Hogwarts, so when she and Mary were waved off by Mr and Mrs MacDonald in Hogsmeade, after depositing her luggage in her Head Girl dormitory, Lily headed immediately for the beech tree, shivering in the cold as she waited for James.

He was at least twenty minutes late, Lily noted. However, she decided against saying anything about it, especially because of James' distinctly miserable expression which reminded her of the beginning of their seventh year. His cloak was pulled tightly against the wind and his gaze was lowered as he made his way carefully towards the tree. Lily wondered what was wrong, but thought it best to remain silent about the matter.

Instead, she leant against the tree, waiting for him to be near enough to her before she spoke.

"Hi," she said, not managing a smile. "Good holiday?" When James didn't reply, she asked, "Something the matter, James?"

He shook his head. "Why me, Lily?" he said, speaking for the first time since he exited the castle. James looked up and Lily noticed the golden flecks in his hazel eyes.

"What do you mean?" She was bemused.

"A...an aunt of mine...she...she died."

"I'm sorry, James," Lily replied immediately, thinking privately that James might be overreacting just a tiny bit — or maybe she just didn't want anything to spoil her good mood.

"Don't be," James said. "These things...they happen. No point complaining, is there? It's just, sometimes, you know, I wonder, Lily. I wonder why, when I'm so happy, my whole world just has to fall apart. Just when everything's pretty damn near perfect, something just _has_ to happen. It's not fair."

"Life's not fair, James," Lily told him softly, reaching out to touch his cheek tentatively. He instinctively lifted his own hand, and for a moment, Lily thought that he would push her away; instead, James took her hand into his and pressed his lips briefly against her knuckles.

It was a surprisingly personal gesture, and Lily could feel herself blushing under his gaze. It was the first time they had had physical contact since before the holidays.

"Did you cry?" She had no idea where that came from, but come to think of it, while Lily was sure that James had seen her crying, she had never seen him do so.

James shook his head. "I've...forgotten how to," he answered honestly.

"How can you forget how to cry?" She found this impossible, given how many tears she had shed in the last few months.

"I — I just can't. I haven't cried for years," James said truthfully. "And I'd...appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone that," he added. She nodded and James managed a smile. He sat down with his back against the beech tree. Lily sat down next to him, leaning against his chest with only a little uncertainty. Neither of them was used to proper togetherness, as Lily had had only one _proper_ relationship and James only rather casual ones with other girls.

"So what're we going to do about Mulciber, Avery, Wilkes and Rosier?" Lily said partly to alleviate the weirdly pleasant awkwardness between them as he stared at her.

"Well, we're going to have to investigate, of course," James said.

"Investigate? How do you mean?" She tried her hardest to concentrate and stop her face from splitting in half with a smile as James twirled a strand of her hair with his finger apparently unconsciously.

"I don't know. Ask Alice?"

"Are you joking? It's a miracle George Wilkes and her are even cousins — there's no way he'd say anything to her."

"So you definitely think it's them?" James asked. "No one else?"

"Well," Lily considered, "I suppose you could count Katie Montague and Georgia Greengrass from sixth year — they definitely seem dirty."

"What — what about Snape?" James asked tentatively. He knew he was treading on uneven ground here, but the question had to be asked.

"What about him?" she countered almost belligerently. She snatched her hand out of James' and moved away from him so that they weren't touching.

"D'you...d'you think Snape's involved in it?"  
"I don't know, James," Lily said curtly. "You tell me."

She didn't know what to think. James' theory was certainly credible and it wasn't as if Snape's circle of friends weren't the sons and daughters of suspected Death Eaters or sympathisers of Voldemort. But Lily didn't want to believe it. Her (former) best friend, a murderer? Calling Lily a Mudblood was one thing. _Slapping_ girls was another. But...to kill someone in cold blood? No, Severus wouldn't do that. He couldn't.

"Well, anyway, whoever's involved, we're going to have to spy on them in order to find out exactly what is going on," James was saying as Lily came out of her thoughts.

"How do you plan on doing that?" she asked in what she hoped was a casual tone.

"Good question," he said, looking relieved that Lily had decided to just let the matter go regarding Snape. "They'd probably talk about it if they all had something to do with it, wouldn't they?"

Lily looked sceptical. "I don't know," she said slowly. "Perhaps. But then wouldn't they be afraid one of the Slytherins might bait them out?"

"No," he answered. "Think about it, Lily. There are loads of spells you can use to have private conversations. I'm sure Sn — I mean I'm sure they could use a charm or something to make sure that no one nearby hears. Even if the other Slytherins overheard something they did or said it's not as if any of them are going to try and stop them. If anything, they'd be cheering them on," he finished dryly.

"So somehow, we're supposed to go to the Slytherin common room and be close enough to them in order to hear what they're saying about supposedly murdering Maria, Kian and Will. Brilliant plan, James!" Lily said sarcastically.

"That just about sums it up," James affirmed with a grin. After the mention of Kian's name, however, his smile faded as he remembered the article in _The Daily Prophet_. "Although, officially, from the Ministry's point of view, Kian Robinson's death was because of natural causes, so we have no business snooping around anyway."

"I heard, yeah," Lily said gloomily. "The 'heart attack' stuff _The Daily Prophet_ came out with is bullshit, of course."

"Tut tut; I never thought I'd live to see the day when Lily Evans _swore_ in broad daylight. You're not setting a good example as Head Girl, you know, Lily!" he ribbed, momentarily forgetting the incident in the Astronomy Tower (which, admittedly, did not happen in broad daylight).

"Yeah, yeah," she said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, James, how do you expect to get so much as three yards into the Slytherin common room without getting caught?"

"Easy," James said simply. He reached into his cloak pocket and pulled out a silvery bundle. "We use my Invisibility Cloak." After a moment's thoughtful consideration, he added, "And some Disillusionment Charms — just to be on the safe side."

"Where did you get this from?" Lily asked in astonishment. She held out her hand and James placed it there, grinning as she examined it in awe. "They're really rare — must've cost a fortune—"

"Actually, I inherited it from my mum," James told her. "And _she_ inherited it from her dad, and so on..."

"Really?" she said. James nodded.

"We've used it plenty of times before," he assured her, as if she was questioning its credibility.

"What for? And who's 'we'?" she enquired with only a hint of suspicion.

He smiled sheepishly. "Erm...me, Remus, Sirius and Peter. And what we used to do...stealing food from the kitchens when we wanted a midnight snack, going to...ah...Hogsmeade every now and then, to see Rosmerta..."

"Who's the bad example now?"

James laughed. "But I've always been a bad example. You, on the other hand, haven't. Seriously, though," he said, and Lily could tell he meant it, "why are we doing all this?"

"All what?"

James gestured at the air randomly. "Investigating...you know; I mean, what's in it for us?"

Lily thought for a moment. "Justice."

"I like that," James muttered. He leaned in and kissed the corner of her mouth, taking the Cloak from her hands and throwing it over them. "Now, Lily, would you like a little tour of the Invisibility Cloak?"

They remained in the grounds for a few hours, and the dark events of the past few weeks were almost lost as they spent their time talking, laughing and kissing.

The next few weeks seemed to slide by in no time; with James and Lily finally — and officially — being a couple and the rest of the school beginning to put the third murder behind them as they ploughed on with their lessons and their increasing amounts of homework.

However, James and Lily being together did have its complications. Not a day went by when yet another Slytherin didn't taunt James, calling him a blood traitor, or worst of all, attempting to hex him. It wasn't as if any of these tactics were new to James or that he couldn't handle it; what surprised him was the sheer level of animosity from the Slytherins once they found out about his girlfriend.

Lily had more than her fair share of insults too, although by this time she was used to it, either waving them off or coming up with a witty comeback on the spot, which simply made the abuser look even more stupid than they actually were.

Still, James had to admit that it was worth it just to be able to hold Lily's hand in the corridors and kiss her goodnight without any Gryffindors staring. More importantly, it meant so much to him that they were able to be a couple at long last — with Lily finally admitting her attraction to him

James tried his best to forget what he had witnessed on Boxing Day, but it was difficult. His father had attempted to explain himself to his son, but James couldn't for the life of him understand why, if Anne was so determined to take her life, that she did not do it herself. James had taken his anger and confusion out on his dad, and had only stopped when Callum pleaded with him not to tell his mother. James profusely refused to keep such a thing a secret, but it proved impossible, because he simply could not bring himself to betray his father like that. Besides, Laura was angry enough at Callum as it was, and James found the perfect excuse for his behaviour — he did not want to add to the already strained atmosphere as Laura went about organising Anne King's funeral.

_So much for being a Gryffindor,_ thought James gloomily.

The weeks went by and James and Lily's plans on investigating Maria's murder were put on hold as they almost collapsed under the heap of homework piled on all the seventh-years. Finally, the time came for Lily's eighteenth birthday as January came to an end — while, similarly, the blustery weather also subsided a little.

Lily was disappointed to see that there was no present waiting at the foot of her bed from James (only the customary gifts from her parents and Petunia) but she needn't have worried. The moment she stepped outside her room, James appeared from nowhere and greeted her with his usual kiss.

"Hi," he finally managed to say, his voice muffled slightly as he wrapped an arm around her waist. "Happy birthday, Lily."

She smiled and kissed him again. "Thank you," she said against his lips.

"'R welcome," he murmured back. "C'mon...we're going to be late for Charms." They started walking, hand in hand, until they reached the door. James stepped back to allow Lily to pass. "After you, m'lady," he said in a posh voice, making her giggle.

"Why, thank you, kind sir," she replied laughingly as they entered the common room. She spotted Mary, who was chatting with Remus, and made to head over towards them when James pulled gently at her wrist.

"Oh, I almost forgot: here's your present."

He handed her a wrapped package and Lily took it, wondering what was in it.

"Thank you," she said, kissing his cheek lightly.

Lily made to open the present, but before she could, she was interrupted by Mary.

"Happy birthday, Lily!" she said happily, giving her best friend a hug. "I can't believe that you're eighteen and—"

"—James is still seventeen? Yeah, I know...it'll take some time to get used to." Lily smiled cheekily at James, who rolled his eyes at Remus. "Who knows, maybe he might listen to me a bit more now that _I'm_ older and _he's_ younger..."

"Keep dreaming, Lily," James interjected. "Even when I'm eighty-one and you turn eighty-two, I'll still be ordering you around..."

They continued to tease each other as they made their way to breakfast, with Mary and Remus rolling their eyes and conversing under their breath how lovey-dovey they had become. Sirius, who joined them ten minutes later (Peter was in the library, rushing the Charms essay that was due in that morning) added that he was losing his touch at the sight of James' present for Lily — a ruby necklace, one that matched the bracelet James got her, Lily was telling anyone who was interested.

"But why can't you patrol with me?"

"I'm...busy," James said, after only a moment's hesitation. He cursed the moon; why, of all nights, did it have to be full moon now?

He had almost forgotten, only to be reminded by Peter moments before. In fact, if he wasn't careful, he'd be late, and Remus would never forgive him for that.

Actually, James amended, Remus _would_ forgive him. Forgiveness was his friend's best quality. It was James who wouldn't be able to forgive himself; both James and Sirius were needed to restrain Remus properly — and James knew he wouldn't be able to bear the guilt if something happened to any of his friends.

"I'm sorry, Lily," James said for the tenth time. "I really am. I wouldn't have, but I really have got something else on tonight. Something that can't wait," he added, looking pointedly at his watch.

Lily's arms were folded in an almost indignant manner and she did not reply. Her birthday present lay, almost forgotten, on a nearby table along with the wrapping. James put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her close.

"I'll make it up to you," he murmured. "I promise."

"Why can't you just tell me where you're going?" Lily asked, her arms remaining at her sides rather than hugging him back like she would usually do.

James shook his head. "It's better that you don't know. It's just stupid Marauder stuff." He wasn't exactly lying.

"Can't it—"

"Wait? No. I'm sorry. I know it's your birthday, Lily, and I'm honestly can't tell you how sorry I am. I have to go — don't wait for me because I'm going to be a while, OK? I'll see you tomorrow, Lily. Usual place, yeah?" She merely looked at him, and James could tell that she was upset.

He kissed her briefly on the lips, said "Sorry" yet again, and then made a beeline for the portrait hole. Lily watched him go. She knew that she wasn't overreacting just because her boyfriend couldn't spend the evening of her birthday with her. No, she was hurt that James would choose his friends over her.

It made no sense that James chose today of all days to do something with them, and in the night, too. Lily hardly approved of his wandering around after curfew but she didn't object, especially when she occasionally joined him on the pretext of doing extra prefect duties.

Lily went to the wide windows in the common room which gave her a clear view of the dark sky. The stars twinkled at her through their cloudy veil, and she caught sight of the moon, which seemed perfectly round. It appeared to only just steer clear of the sheet of thick clouds, which looked like smoke against the almost-black sky. Their conversation echoed in her head as she contemplated the reasons why James would just leave her like that: _"It's better that you don't know...Marauder stuff..."_

Why the hell did James, Remus, Sirius and Peter call themselves "Marauders" anyway? It was such a strange name to call a group of friends, and it wasn't as if they really _were_ marauding, were they?

Lily had asked James once about their weird nicknames for each other.

"It's 'because he gets really prickly when he's pissed off, isn't it, Prongs?" Sirius had interrupted. "So he...he pokes everyone...with his _prongs._ Get it, Lily?" James, rather than looking annoyed, had looked strangely relieved at Sirius' comment and he had nodded in agreement.

"Oh, OK then," Lily had said, looking slightly mollified but suspicious all the same. She had let the matter drop at the time, but it was the only instance where Lily suspected James was lying to her. Even so, there was no point in pressing the matter because she doubted James would tell her the real reason anyway. And, in any case, it wasn't as if the reasons behind James' nickname were of utmost importance to Lily.

_And why is it better that I don't know?_ Lily pondered. What did James have to hide?

Whatever it was, Lily was determined to find out; so, after patrol, she kept herself awake with the crime-romance that her cousin got her for Christmas. She stayed up, waiting for James to return. Much, much later, as she rubbed her eyes yet again, he finally opened the door of the Heads' common room, just as Lily was staring out of the window (for the umpteenth time that night) looking at the full moon.

He looked exhausted. His sleeves were rolled up and there was a gash on his left arm which was bleeding profusely, and which James was staunching with his cloak. Lily jumped up, her eyes flickering back and forth between the full moon and James, as realisation clicked.

Could it really be a coincidence that James missed patrol on the same night that it was full moon?

"James!" she cried, rushing over to him. "Oh my God — what's happened to you?"

He froze. "Nothing," he insisted quickly. "It's fine; a quick spell will heal this in a jiffy, Lily."

Lily, however, had already grabbed his wrist and was silently passing her wand over the claw-shaped marks on both his arms. "Would you care to explain to me," she hissed, "exactly _what_ possessed you to go out of the castle when it's full moon?"

James said nothing as Lily muttered another spell to get rid of the blood. "There," she said and, looking closer, James could see she had tears in her eyes, "that should stop any more blood coming out and it shouldn't hurt, either." Her eyes became even wider as she spotted brownish hairs on James' shirt.

When James simply stared at her, Lily, impatiently wiping her tears with her sleeve, ploughed on, "Are you...are you a werewolf, James?"

Still, James remained silent. Lily took this as a yes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she pressed, putting her hands on her hips. "What? Did you think I was going to think you were a freak, or something? Did you think I wouldn't like you? Is that it?

"All this time, when you referred to Remus having some 'furry little problem', and all along — it was you? D'you know something, James? I'm surprised at you. I thought that you, of all people, would be the one who was always loyal to your friends. I never thought you were a user. A prat, yes, but not a user. I'm disgusted.

"Did you think that I wouldn't understand? Of course I understand what it is you're going through. I'm a Mudblood, for God's sake!" As she became more and more angry during her speech, Lily's Welsh accent became more and more pronounced, to the point when her words were almost unintelligible.

"Lily, don't call yourself that," James muttered at last.

"Why didn't you tell me before? Did you have such a low opinion of me? I'm not a _Slytherin,_ you know. I would be able to take it. And I can't believe you've insulted my intelligence — so much so that you _lied_ to me. I really can't believe you, James. I thought you were a better person than that."

"Lily, I'm not a—"

"Well, if you're not a werewolf, one of you is. Who is it, if it isn't you? Sirius? Peter? R—"

"Please. It's not what you—"

"It's _exactly_ what I think. It's not Remus or Sirius or Peter, is it? Is it? If it is, now's the time to tell me."

She folded her arms and waited for an answer, but it never came. James' lips were moving soundlessly, helplessly, but he knew he was fighting a losing battle here.

"So you are a werewolf. And to think, Remus, Sirius and Peter are all willing to lie for _you._ They were with you, weren't they? That's why you lot always disappear, every month."

James nodded; it was true. That was what the Marauders did every month.

Lily's eyes widened as she realised something — as something else clicked into place in her brain. "So you're telling me," she began hotly, "that Remus, Sirius and Peter go out of their way every time there's a full moon and risk getting bitten, or, worse, _killed,_ because of you?" Once again, she took James' silence for assent. "That's unbelievable, James. Unbelievable. You, James Potter, are the most self-centred, egotistical person I have ever had the misfortune to meet. I _was_ right about you after all. I'm not having a selfish liar as a boyfriend. No way. It's over."

James watched her march into her bedroom with dismay. A few seconds later, a ruby necklace, the matching bracelet and an uneaten, unopened box of chocolates floated through the air and into James' hands. He winced as the door slammed shut, and it was only then that James fully realised the damage that was done, and what would have to happen to put it right.

**Chapter End Notes:**

All right — I know you probably think my Lily is OOC, but I think it was a fair enough reaction, especially as the poor girl's clearly got the wrong end of the stick. I actually despise this chapter, so tell me if you agree, please! (Reviews are like muffins — I can never get enough of them!)


	13. Redemption

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

Lily is now convinced that her boyfriend is a werewolf, and is hurt that she wasn't in on it. Will James at least attempt to put her right? And who is she going to go to for extra Patronus practice? You'll have to see!

Thanks to Stacey and Alex for beta'ing.

After Lily's outburst, she avoided James for the next week. She even refused to patrol with him, swapping duties with Remus instead. Remus was smart enough to know that there was no way either James or Lily would tell him what it was that had broken them apart; from what he could gather, James had insulted Lily in some way, and Lily had clearly taken it personally.

The fact that Lily and James' dispute occurred the day after Remus' transformation was not missed by Remus either — and like his usual, astute self, he asked James if their argument had anything to do with him.

"No way!" James had said immediately, trying to look affronted by his friend's query as he sat up on his unused bed in their dormitory. It was a few days after James' row with Lily, and the Marauders were getting one of their rare breaks from studying (although, admittedly, Remus was rereading his Transfiguration notes as he spoke to his friends).

Remus raised his eyebrows, his expression sceptical, and mirrored by Sirius and Peter.

"Prongs, give it up," Sirius told him sternly, folding his arms.

"We know you're lying," Peter added, sounding (unintentionally) patronising. This did not help.

"Does Lily know?" Remus asked quietly. He did not appear to be annoyed, James noted. Then again, Remus very rarely became angry; the angriest James had ever seen his friend was during the prefect meeting when one of the Slytherins insulted William. "What about Mary?"

Still, James said nothing, examining his socks. Sirius sprang up from his chair.

"You told her?" he said, in an even quieter tone than Remus.

"No, he didn't," Peter interjected shrewdly. James, Remus and Sirius turned towards him. "Otherwise Lily would've asked Remus by now. Or Mary, if she knew. But she knows something, doesn't she? Lily? She suspects something?" The last was directed at James. Sirius and Remus both looked questioningly at him as he nodded.

"She thinks _I'm_ a werewolf," he told his friends in a small voice.

"And that was a good enough reason to break it off with you?" asked Sirius. "She hates werewolves that much?"

"No!" James replied quickly, shaking his head vigorously. "It was worse...she thinks you guys are risking your lives...for me."

Remus' pupils suddenly became much larger, similar to what happened when he transformed.

"She doesn't know we're Animagi, does she?" breathed Peter.

"Exactly," said Sirius, realising what Remus was thinking at the same time as James. "But that doesn't mean—"

"You've got to stop going with me to the Shrieking Shack," Remus said firmly. "Prongs, if it's going to be like that...if you have to choose between me and her..."

"Remus," James interrupted. "Stop being such an eejit, OK? Lily's just got the wrong end of the stick. And I didn't want to correct her because that would mean she would know about you being a werewolf, and whatever happened, I wasn't going to sell out one of my best friends, even if it means my girlfriend — ex-girlfriend, whatever — hates me."

"Besides," Peter added hastily, "we're _not_ in danger. That's the whole point. _We're_ not risking our lives and it's making _your_ life a hell of a lot easier every month."

"But—"

"But nothing," Peter interrupted. "Moony, we're glad to do it. Aren't we, Prongs, Padfoot?"

They nodded fervently. Remus sighed. "So what, I'm meant to live with the guilt that my friend got dumped all because of me?"

"Remus, you have no reason to be guilty," James insisted. "None of this is your fault. And don't worry about me and Lily. We'll sort things — somehow. I'll just...er...give her time to, um, cool off."

_You're never going to find them, Mudblood. Either of those little children. Don't bother trying. If you do, you'll end up in your grave without your filthy Muggle parents to bury you. Just like those little girls. You may as well go shopping for your coffin. While you're at it, tell the girls' family to as well. Whether you like it or not, bitch, you'll die with your secrets. And if you're lucky, you'll get one of their fingers to bury._

The parchment had arrived with some fine, brown hairs, which Lily recognised as Jenna's. She tried to stifle her horror-struck gasp as her vision became blurry with tears; crumpling up the letter (the hair fluttered to the ground, ignored), she ran out of the Great Hall, her dinner unfinished, unnoticed by Mary, Alice and Davina, who were having an animated discussion about the latest robes from Madam Malkin's.

Lily's head was bent as she rushed through the doors and outside the castle, her red hair swinging to cover her face — and her tears. She ran, on and on through the grounds, in no particular direction, pausing only when she realised she was out of breath. At last, she halted, bending down and holding her stitch, leaning against a tree for support. As she finally got her breath back, she slid against the bark, barely registering the tiny ripping sounds of her robes against it, and sat there, her head in her hands. She never thought it would be possible to be as overwhelmed with guilt like she was now.

While Lily's reaction to her letter was unnoticed by her friends, James saw as she ran out of the hall. Without saying anything to his friends, James stood up and followed her, ignoring calls from Remus about helping him with the DADA homework, and Sirius, loudly wondering where he was going.

He walked steadily on, only just keeping Lily's red hair in sight. She hadn't noticed him as he was following her, but he had to maintain a distance to make sure she didn't see him. He didn't know why he couldn't simply walk up to her and ask her what was wrong.

As James continued to follow her, he noticed that Lily appeared to be heading towards the Forbidden Forest. However, after a moment she veered to her right, heading towards the small copse of trees in the grounds near the Forest.

James halted to watch where Lily was going; eventually, she settled near their favourite beech tree, and he only just managed to hide behind a tree on the very edge of the Forbidden Forest before she looked in its direction, narrowly missing James.

He searched his pockets for the Invisibility Cloak, but then he remembered, vaguely, that he had leant it to Sirius so he could sneak out to Hogsmeade with Peter tonight.

What was he going to do? He could see Lily's lips quivering as tears fell from her eyes and wet her shirt, but he also knew full well that there was no point in trying to comfort her, as the best response he could receive would be a push in the other direction.

He backed deeper into the Forest, remembering the Marauders' last foray there, during Remus' transformation. That night, the four of them had roamed the place, scaring away a unicorn when Remus almost got out of control.

He could hear faint traces of Lily's sobbing from where he was in the Forest and realised that as a stag, his hearing was much better, so after a moment, James transformed and became Prongs.

The stag cantered forwards, far faster than James would as a human. He daringly approached Lily, and when she caught sight of the creature, Lily managed a weak half-smile, holding out her hand. Eagerly, James ambled smoothly towards her, relishing the feeling of her hand stroking his neck.

"You're gorgeous, did you know that?" she murmured to him. "I just wish the rest of the world was as perfect."

And then, before Lily could stop herself, she told her story to the stag.

He listened in horror as the events were (at times) tearfully unfolded by Lily. The use of the Tongue-Tying Curse on her explained exactly why Marlene was so angry at her, so much so that neither girl could look the other in the eye. And, when he thought about what Marlene's sisters must be going through, he could hardly blame Marlene.

James also realised that Lily would be unable to say much on the subject if he asked her about it as James, so eventually, when it became dark, James, in his stag form, finally extricated himself from Lily's presence, galloping back to the Forbidden Forest before doubling back to go inside the castle once he was sure Lily had already gone in. Lily's final words to the Animagus were still ringing in his ears.

"Now, though, I know that I'm definitely going to die with my secrets."

"Miss Evans, I really fink you need to revise on Patronuses," Professor Frensham told her sternly in a DADA Arts lesson the next day. "You're really not doin' well, to be perfectly honest. And if you want tips on who to ask about Patronuses, I recommend seeing either Mr Po'er—"

"No, Professor," Lily interrupted angrily.

"Lovers' tiff, eh?" the teacher asked, slightly amused. However, the humour disappeared and Professor Frensham's eyes became narrowed again as she continued, "OK, so if you don't want to go to Mr Po'er, there's always Mr Lupin or even Mr Black."

"I think I'll stick with Remus," she muttered.

"That's se'led, then, Miss Evans. Please try and see where you're going wrong, because I fink you need one-to-one tuition if you're struggling tha' badly. And if Mr Lupin can't help — although there's no reason why he shouldn't be able to — come to me, and we'll arrange something. Bu' that's only if it's completely necessary."

To Lily's relief, Remus accepted Lily's request readily, arranging their first meeting that evening in a spare classroom. However, it took them several (failed) attempts before Remus realised what was amiss.

"Is everything all right, Lily?" he asked tentatively, holding out a hand to stop her.

"Fine," she replied curtly.

"You've got to think of something happy," Remus said for the third time as he sat on a desk. "What memories are you thinking of?"

"When I got my OWL results," she admitted after a moment, a grudging smile forming on her lips. Remus grinned back encouragingly.

"Oh yeah, what was it you got?"

"Eight O's and three E's," Lily said with a hint of pride in her voice.

"Well, Lily, while I do commend you on your results, I don't think it's a strong enough memory to form a Patronus. Can you think of any others?" he enquired.

"I don't know," she said, shrugging. "Too much has been going on this year for me to think of anything happy."

She thought of what happened yesterday. If Layla and Jenna were dead...but that couldn't possibly be true, Lily reassured herself.

_They're just bluffing,_ she insisted. _The bastards are just trying to get me scared._

Lily was jolted out of her thoughts when Remus spoke.

"What about..." he began, but then he thought better of it.

"What?" she asked, leaning on the teacher's table.

He shook his head. "Forget it," he dismissed.

"No, what were you going to say, Remus?" Lily persisted, standing up again. "Look, I'm failing Defence Against The Dark Arts because of this damn charm, so any help would be appreciated, OK?"

"I was going to say...maybe you could think of a memory when you were with James?" he suggested quietly.

Lily sighed. "Don't you know that I'm not talking to him? The last thing I'd want to do is think about him."

"I'm sorry," he apologised. "I _did_ say to forget it, though."

Lily did not know how to respond to this. There was silence for a few seconds, before Lily thought of something. "Remus? Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead," he said, watching her calmly as she sat on a nearby chair.

"Is...is James a werewolf?"

Remus chuckled humourlessly.

"What's so funny?" she asked indignantly.

"Nothing. You just confirmed what James said your suspicions were."

"And they're right." There was a pause, and Lily's voice became less certain as she said, "Aren't they?"

He sighed and shook his head. "You're wrong, Lily," he told her. "James is not a werewolf. He is fully human and has never been tainted with that hated curse."

"Merlin, Remus," Lily gasped, as realisation kicked in. "You're a...?" She trailed off, unable to say the word.

"You can say it, you know," Remus said sadly. "And if you don't feel comfortable around me because of my lycanthropy, feel free to—"

"Oh, be quiet," she snapped. "See, this is why I stopped talking to James. OK, so I got it wrong, but he, like you just did now, automatically assumed that I'd think the worst of you, just because you're a — you're a — werewolf! It just shows how little you think of me!"

"Lily, that's not fair," he protested. "I think very highly of you, and James thinks so too. Even more highly than I do, I'm sure. But you've got to realise it's the norm to hate werewolves and giants and centaurs and all these other half-breeds—"

"You're not a half-breed," Lily declared. "You're a human being, and a remarkably intelligent one at that. And I could never hate you."

She leapt up from her seat. "Come on," she said. "Let's have another go."

"Are you sure you're ready?" he said, surprised at her sudden spurt of confidence.

"Yeah," Lily replied, slightly nervous nevertheless.

"OK. On the count of three, then: one, two, three."

Lily closed her eyes, concentrating on her and James' encounter underneath the Invisibility Cloak the day they came back from the Christmas holidays. She even smiled widely as she said loudly, "_Expecto Patronum!_"

A beautiful silver doe whooshed out of the end of her wand and Lily stared at it in awe as it came to pause in front of her, bowing its beautiful head in her direction.

"Wow," Lily and Remus breathed in unison. He actually broke into applause at Lily's successful attempt at a Patronus.

"Lily," Remus asked, "did your Patronus have any other form before this?"

She considered. "Actually, it did," she said. "The closest to a Patronus I ever got to was a very faint form of a cat, I think. But that was last year." Pausing, she suddenly understood. "Wait...then why on earth is mine a doe?"

"Sometimes," Remus said gently, "an emotional shock...an unexpected upheaval...they can make your Patronus change."

Lily digested this in silence, wondering what he meant. She was feeling rather giddy — both with relief and astonishment that she actually managed to produce a corporeal Patronus. Then her stomach swooped as it occurred to her what she now had to say to James.

Lily had a rare free period before dinner the next day, and for once she spent it, not on homework, but worrying about how on earth she was going to make it up to her boyfriend. As well as that, she continued to fret, more than ever before, over the fates of Marlene's younger sisters.

She skipped dinner, too nervous to eat. Instead, she waited in the Heads' common room for James to arrive, but it seemed that he was avoiding her as much as she him. When Lily saw the clock reach nine, she decided that she'd had enough.

Marching out of the common room and into the Gryffindor one, her eyes sought James, playing chess with Peter. She could tell that his heart really wasn't in the game and that he was only playing to pass time, because every now and then James would look up and glance around surreptitiously, although what or who he was looking for was unclear.

"Checkmate," Lily heard Peter say smugly. James' chess pieces immediately began to protest at their owner for not doing a better job, and James rolled his eyes and looked around again hopefully. Unbidden, his eyes locked with Lily's. Lily was unable to look away, but after a moment, James did so, standing up and gathering his chess pieces.

Impulsively, Lily strode over to where James was, knocked the pieces out of his hands and kissed him full on the mouth, her arms snaking around his neck. Ignoring the wolf-whistles which came from every corner of the room, James kissed her back, relishing the taste of her, which he had missed for an entire week.

It was only when a catcall came from Sirius — "Get a room, will you?" — that Lily finally pulled away from James, and even then, their foreheads remained close together, their noses still gently bumping into one another.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, still disregarding everyone's stares.

"Me too," James whispered back.

"Can we talk? In there?" He knew what Lily was referring to and nodded. Taking her hand, he led her to the Heads' common room, bestowing a small, nondescript thumbs-up to Remus, who was grinning as he watched them leave.

James stepped back to allow Lily to pass before entering the room himself. They both settled on the sofa and Lily pointed her wand at the fireplace, so the heat from it warmed the cold air of the common room.

"I take it Remus told you about...?" James started, but didn't finish his question, not wanting to risk anything.

"Yeah," Lily interrupted quickly. "I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for what happened. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like that. It was wrong."

James nodded and kissed her on the forehead. "Apology accepted, Lily. And I'm sorry too — for keeping secrets from you. But you've got to understand that Remus's lycanthropy wasn't my secret to keep."

"I know." She snuggled up to him and they sat in silence, watching the fire.

"James?" Lily said after a moment.

"Yeah?" he replied. He had a feeling she was going to ask the question he dreaded and mentally braced himself for another outburst.

"Where do you go when it's full moon?"

"The Whomping Willow," he said. "The year Remus arrived at Hogwarts, it was built specially for him."

This was absorbed in silence.

"Hold on," said Lily, cottoning on. "If Remus is a werewolf, then what do you guys do when he transforms? But—" she exclaimed frantically, "that means that you're all in d—"

But James silenced her by placing a finger on her lips before getting up. Lily watched him curiously, wondering what was going to happen. He hesitated. Then, without warning, James became Prongs.

"What on earth?" Lily said loudly, transfixed. "You're an _Animagus_?"

The stag nodded, nuzzling his neck against Lily's knee. "Hey!" she laughed. "That tickles!"

Just as shocking comprehension dawned on Lily, Prongs became James again.

"And before you ask, Lily, no, I am not risking my life when I'm with Remus. Neither are Sirius and Peter. We're safe when we're in our animal form because werewolves only bite humans."

"They're Animagi too?" she asked, temporarily distracted from her perplexed tangle of thoughts.

"Yep," James affirmed. "We became Animagi in fifth year. It was harder than any exam we'd ever taken, that's for sure."

Lily took a moment to take it all in. Then, at last, as she looked at him, it clicked.

"Hold on," she said slowly. Lily reached forwards and took his face into her hands, staring at his eyes. The stag had eyes of the same shape and colour, and even the markings around his eyes matched James' glasses. "That means that it was you who..."

"I heard every word," James said quietly. "I can't believe that's what you had to go through in the summer, Lily. And I understand," he quickly added, "that you can't say anything because of the enchantment."

"But how...?" Lily said in amazement. "I looked it up — no human could possibly hear me say..."

"I don't think it applies for Animagi, Lily," James said. "The Tongue-Tying Curse, as far as I know, is ineffective with animals. Is...what happened in the summer...is that why..." he began tentatively, wondering how best to broach the subject, "the...the Astronomy Tower happened, then?" Lily nodded, trying to swallow the tears now stuck in the middle of her throat.

"I couldn't possibly stand being the bearer of a secret I hated having to keep," she said, trying to keep her voice steady, and even then, a tear rolled down her cheek. James carefully removed it with his thumb, allowing Lily to bury her face into his chest. "There was nothing else I could do," she whispered.

He thought of what happened on Boxing Day. "I know," he sighed. And somehow, this time, their knowledge did not strengthen them; rather, the information they had inadvertently gleaned poisoned their minds and stained their memories forever, and for once, James really did think that ignorance was bliss.

"Let's go, Lily," James whispered from under the Cloak. They were both Disillusioned, just in case, with the Invisibility Cloak over them, waiting outside the Slytherin common room for a Slytherin to arrive and say the password in order for them to get in.

It was already eleven o'clock but James knew, judging by the number of people caught when they patrolled, that certain Slytherins stayed out of bounds far later than that time, so he simply had to hope that they would arrive quickly, because already, Lily was getting restless.

"Are you _sure—_" Lily began, but James immediately put his hand on her mouth to stop her talking as a few Slytherins had rounded the corner and started towards the common room entrance.

She nodded furiously and James removed his hand, mouthing a quick, hasty apology to her. Lily waved it off and focused her attention on the Slytherins, who they could now identify: Katie Montague, Malcolm Mulciber, Aiden Avery and Evan Rosier. The group sauntered towards the door.

Rosier said the password: "_Emendatio_," and stepped back to allow the others to pass. Katie, Mulciber and Avery entered the room.

With no time to lose, James threw a Dungbomb at the wall, narrowly missing Rosier's ear. In the confusion, James and Lily managed to sneak past and go into the common room, invisible, trying to make as little noise as possible (although this was almost pointless due to Rosier's loud cursing). James silently thanked God that the Slytherin common room's entrance was not a hole like Gryffindor's; it was a normal door.

Lily and James went daringly close to Avery and Katie, who were, they noticed, the only ones left in the common room (Rosier now followed Mulciber up to the dormitory). Lily held James' wrist tightly as they listened to their conversation — it appeared they were having some kind of argument.

"But they're little girls, Aiden!" Katie was complaining. "It's not as if they're Mudbloods or anything. And even if they are, they're being abused, for Salazar's sake! You've got to tell John to stop."

Avery, her boyfriend, roughly took her by the shoulders, obvious menace in his eyes. "Listen, girl," he said forcefully. "We don't give a shit about them. And you don't either." Then, in a voice that was ever so slightly less harsh, he said, "We're under strict orders — you know that, Kat. There's nothing you can do, short of sneaking them food, and even that looks suspicious."

"I already do that, Aiden," Katie admitted. "After dinner, before I come back to the common room, I always sneak something from the table and give it to them." He simply looked at her with a scathing expression. "What?" she said defensively. "If I didn't give the little cows food, they'd be dead by now!"

"I forbid you to do that anymore, Katie," Avery ordered. "The Dark Lord's orders—"

"Yes, yes, I know what the Dark Lord's orders are," she shot back. Then, it appeared her shoulders had crumpled; Katie seemed to give up, accept defeat. "All right," she said finally. "I won't give them more food. But Aiden, I don't care what these girls' blood statuses are or what their father or mother has done. They don't deserve to die. They're just kids."

"I know, babe," he said. "But if the Dark Lord says to do something, we do it. Never mind whether or not you like it." Pulling her into a kiss, James noticed that his tone was completely different from what it was just a moment ago.

Lily dropped James' hand, staring in disbelief. What the hell was she going to do?

**Chapter End Notes:**

Dun dun DUN! What did you think? Katie does have a heart, believe it or not, so I'll be interested to see what you make of her. By the way, I hope this chapter wasn't as diabolical as the last one. I really hope so. So please review — it'll make my day! (While you're at it, why not take a look at **Blood and Roses,** my Mysterious May challenge entry? It's Rose/Scorpius :D)


	14. Sanat Vulnera

**Chapter Summary**:  
So Katie Montague and Aiden Avery definitely seem dirty. How are James and Lily going to deal with it? And just what terrible news has Marlene received? Read to find out!Ta to Alex and Stacey for beta'ing.

A week later, Marlene was taken out of the lesson by Professor McGonagall. Marlene looked suitably perplexed and rather scared; whatever it was, clearly it was serious because she did not attend any meals or lessons for the next few days, remaining shut in the Heads' common room. Lily wondered aloud about what news Marlene had received from the headmaster and deputy headmistress.

"Apparently," Mary whispered as they wrote the Principal Exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration, "her dad was killed, by Death Eaters."

There was a sharp intake of breath from Lily. "How come?" she asked, trying to push down the guilt that had just begun bubbling in her stomach.

"I don't know," Mary replied. "I'm not even entirely sure that he's dead — but if Dumbledore says he is, then he is, I reckon."

When Marlene finally returned to her lessons at long last a full two weeks later, not a day passed when she did not look red-eyed, grief-stricken, and just like Lily felt, guilt-ridden. She talked to no one; what Mary told Lily about had spread through the school and the Wizarding community via some of the more talkative mothers of students.

Marlene's mother, it transpired, had gone into hiding. She had sent Marlene an owl, telling her to remain at school, where it was safer, and not to contact her because this would give away her location.

James and Lily were at a loss at what to do. Should they break it to her about her sisters, and make her feel even more responsible for what had happened than she already felt? Or should they wait, until Marlene had accepted what had happened to her missing father, who was feared dead?

Collectively, they decided on the latter. It was far too dangerous for them to tell anyone, even their closest friends, so they kept the secret to themselves. Besides, as they found out the following day, Sirius in particular had a lot more on his plate than they had thought.

During patrol, James and Lily were walking with their wands drawn — past experience of incidents occurring during the later hours had taught them to be as vigilant as Dumbledore had urged them to be, and neither of them were taking any chances.

This was a good decision, because as they reached the fifth floor, they heard the sounds of shouting. Running in direction of the noise, James and Lily reached the sources of the yelling in seconds: Aiden Avery, Malcolm Mulciber, Regulus Black and Sirius.

The Slytherins were firing spells at Sirius, who was doing a good job deflecting them all. Even so, Lily and James entered the fray themselves, and Lily managed to Disarm Mulciber while James hit Avery with a Disarming Charm too. Without a second's thought, Lily also Disarmed Regulus, and his and Mulciber's wands were caught by James.

However, this did not impede Regulus in the slightest. Instead, he simply went at Sirius with his fists, pummelling his brother for all it was worth, and Sirius fought back, before being pulled off forcibly by James.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" James hissed as he held Sirius back, his arms flailing; but before he could say anything else, they heard the sounds of heavy footsteps.

Professor Slughorn appeared. "What the devil are you doing out of bounds at this time of night?" he demanded, his moustache quivering as he took in the scene: James, holding a struggling Sirius, Regulus shooting venomous looks at his brother and Avery and Mulciber clenching their wandless fists in annoyance.

"We're on patrol, Professor," Lily said quickly. "James and I just came across these four and—"

"Yes, Miss Evans, that's fine, thank you," Slughorn said firmly. He rounded on the Slytherins. "But you three, I did not expect any of you to be wandering around after curfew. Forty points from Slytherin, boys. And Mr Black, I would appreciate that, in the future, you deal with your family politics outside school, please," he said reprovingly to Regulus. "That's all. Mr Black, return to your dormitory. Fifteen points from Gryffindor for fighting. Miss Evans, Mr Potter, you will receive five points apiece for attempting to break up the fight. Come on, boys; I'll be taking you back to your common room after Miss Evans and Mr Potter return your wands to you."

All the next day, Lily noticed that Severus kept giving her strange looks as she went about her lessons, all of which he was also in. She mentioned this to James.

"I mean, why would he even be looking at me, after months of being how he is towards me?" Lily said at break. "Do you think he knows? About us going to the Slytherin common room?"

"I don't know," he replied. He kissed her, trying to dismiss the matter through other means. She responded for a second but then pushed him away, looking askance at him for an answer. He sighed resignedly. "I don't think Snape knows anything, to be honest with you. Anyway, I'm staying out of this one, Lily. But if something does happen and he tries something on you or whatever, let me know, and I'll go and beat him up for you if it makes you feel better. I'll even duel him for you if you promise to be my second."

"Ha ha, James," she said, rolling her eyes. "Very witty."

"I was joking, Lily," he said, trying to stay cheerful. "Sirius would be my second—"

However, when Lily went to her room after dinner, she halted in her steps when she spotted a letter and a small package on her bed. Fearing the worst, she dithered for several minutes, leaning against the doorframe for support while eyeing the missive fearfully, scared about what she might find. Then, gathering all her courage, she strode forwards and ripped open the envelope.

The note read:

_Dear Lily,_

We all know that some scars will never heal, no matter how small or insignificant it seems to be. I know you have scars that you've never shown anyone, so this is just a simple gift, from me to you, which will obliterate them forever. You're not alone, Lily. I hope that in time, you will realise that.

Yours,

A friend.

Frowning, she sat on her bed and opened the package. Inside it was a small vial filled with a potion which was clear, yet with a bluish tinge to it and purple bubbles at the top. She immediately recognised it: Sanat Vulnera. It was one of the most complex potions she had ever heard of, far more complicated than the Polyjuice Potion or even Felix Felicis. It was beyond even NEWT level, Lily knew. She wondered who on earth could've sent it to her.

Almost unconsciously, she rolled up her sleeve, removed the Concealment Charm on her arm and started to pull the stopper out of the bottle. Once it was open, she murmured, "_Specialis revelio._" Nothing happened, which meant that the potion was certainly not a poison. However, before she could do anything more, James' voice came out of nowhere, nearly making her drop the potion. Lily silently cursed herself for forgetting that the door was still open.

"Lily?" said James uncertainly, startled at the unusual sight before him. Without waiting for an answer, he marched towards her, kneeling in front of her and reaching out for her exposed arm. "Lily...what the hell is this?"

"Let go of me, James," she said, trying to swallow her tears as she remembered how and when the scars were inflicted on her. If he didn't get to see it properly, maybe she could pass it off as something else, something insignificant...but it was too late. He wouldn't let her go, gently turning her arm around, his jaw dropping as he realised just what word was tattooed on her wrist.

_Mudblood._

"Merlin," he breathed, finally releasing her as she tugged her hand away from him at last. "Lily, who did this to you?"

She looked at him and spoke through her eyes: _them._ James' expression cleared as he understood who she meant.

"I'm going to get them, the bastards," he muttered. "How could they have done all this to you...and you couldn't even speak out against them?"

Lily simply shook her head.

"So what's this?" James asked, managing to ease the potion bottle out of her grasp without her noticing.

"Nothing," she said quickly, trying to grab it from him, but, as usual, he was too quick for her.

"Sanat Vulnera." He raised his eyebrows at her look of surprise. "Don't look so shocked. I do pay attention in Potions sometimes, you know, Lily. So someone sent you this? Who was it?"

Lily frowned inwardly; so James hadn't sent it. She hadn't really expected him to, anyway. Potions was never James' forte. Who had, then?

"I don't know," she replied, taking the letter from behind her and slipping it into her pocket. "There wasn't any name."

"Who, then? The only person I know who's better than you at Potions is Snivellus—"

"And he hates my guts, in case you've forgotten," Lily interrupted. "Don't be silly, James. Of course Severus wouldn't send me it. That implies that he knew about it in the first place — which he most certainly didn't."

_At least, I hope not,_ Lily thought.

"OK, so what about Slughorn?"

She shook her head. "Professor Slughorn has favouritism, but not to that extent," she decided. "He'd never send me something personally. The only things he sends me are invitations to his little parties — not that I attend any of them. Anyway, he doesn't know about..." Lily trailed off.

"So are you going to use it?" he asked.

She nodded. "Why not? I've had to use spells to make sure no one sees this." Lily jabbed an unexpectedly venomous finger towards her wrist. "James, I feel like I've been scarred for life. Do you have any idea what that feels like?"

At Lily's question, James just stared at her, his mind forcibly jumping back to Boxing Day.

_That day, when he came back from the Ministry, he hadn't been surprised to hear his Aunt Laura crying once again. But this time, her words were different and much more life-threatening. James' brain could only take in snippets of what she was saying as he none-too-subtly entered the room, scared at what he might find. Neither James' father nor Aunt Laura seemed to have noticed. And then, what she said simply rooted him to the spot._

"I'm already dying...no one will know. It's just one spell. For me?"

James' dad's voice at that moment was the most terrible thing James had ever heard, because it was accepting and abetting Laura's decision.

"I'm so sorry I have to do this. Avada Kedavra._"_

And then, the bolt of green light shot from Callum Potter's borrowed wand and hit Laura squarely in the chest, and James watched, powerless — as if someone had performed a Body-Bind on him — as the life out of his aunt was sapped, by his own father.

And she had asked for it.

James was jolted back to the present as he whispered, "Lily...I think I know _exactly_ what that's like."

To Lily's surprise and relief, the potion worked exactly as described in Slughorn's Potions lessons. The tattoo disappeared entirely merely by using a single drop on each hated letter, and Lily could not remember being more thankful in her life; the absence of the scars, not to mention forgoing her daily ritual of Concealing Charms, seemed to lighten the burden on her heart a little.

She decided to keep the almost empty vial, partly as a memento, but also in case she could ever identify who on earth could have sent it to her. It definitely wasn't Severus. There was no way he would want to help her, not after Lily's ultimate betrayal of him — being James Potter's girlfriend — and besides, Lily noted bitterly, Severus was far too busy with his Death Eater friends to have time for her.

Not that she cared. She had James and Mary and Remus and most of the seventh-years in Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw as her friends. She didn't need _him._

As the weeks moved slowly on, she saw less and less of James as he and his team practised hard for the match against Hufflepuff. One team member, however, who was noticeably absent from Quidditch (as well as everything extra-curricular she had been involved in, like Charms Club) was Marlene McKinnon. Patrick Andrews from fifth year filled in her place, and while Gryffindor still won, Lily knew that it was a very narrow win, which didn't necessarily guarantee Gryffindor an easy win for their match later on in the year.

Before they knew it, March arrived, bringing with it the first rain after three solid months of snow. It was still cold, but at least the blood in Lily's toes no longer felt frozen the moment she stepped outside to the greenhouses. She relished this as she emerged from the greenhouse, having had a quick aside with Professor Sprout one evening about the homework set today. Lily sped up, remembering that she had patrol that night, and that she wanted to leave her cloak in her dormitory as well as do her Charms and Transfiguration homework before she patrolled.

After their rounds, James and Lily returned to the common room. As soon as they were through the portrait hole, James made immediately for the Heads' common room; he looked quite tired, Lily knew, since he had been catching up on the homework missed when he and the Marauders went to the Whomping Willow for Remus' transformation a couple of days ago.

That night, Lily had waited up for Sirius, James and Peter, ready with dittany and bandages if they needed them. And James had needed one, on his arm, where Remus had, apparently, clawed him. The Marauders were far too exhausted — not to mention injured — to complain, and it was with sleepy gratefulness that they allowed Lily to perform her ministrations, without comment.

Now, Lily didn't feel like sleeping. She noticed her Transfiguration homework on the table nearby and pulled it towards her; she needed to check over her essay to make sure she didn't miss anything. Now she had James to help her, Lily was doing far better in Transfiguration, but she was still insecure about her abilities and was reduced to rereading her essays lots of times to make sure she included everything she could to attain the highest possible grade.

She came across a mistake about human transfiguration. What was it that James said? Lily chewed the end of her quill, staring into the fire as she tried to remember James' words: _"A tingling sensation is felt in the part of the body which is being Transfigured..."_

Lily started to scribble it down, but before she could finish, there was a shuffling sound from one of the squashy armchairs and Lily jumped as she caught Marlene McKinnon's eye. Both girls found it impossible to look away.

"What are you doing up?" Lily finally said, her voice soft above the crackling sounds of the dying fire.

Marlene looked like she was going to ignore her, but then her jaw slackened and she said quietly, "I was just...thinking."

Lily nodded, unable to think of anything else to say. The silence was becoming awkward, and she wasn't sure whether or not this was the right time for her to say goodnight to Marlene and simply leave. Lily was on the verge of doing just that when Marlene asked a question which, even now, still burned Lily's conscience more than if it was dangling over the fire.

"Where are Layla and Jenna, Lily?" There was no anger in her tone; just a sense of hopelessness mixed with guilt.

"I told you, Marlene," Lily replied. "They did a Tongue-Tying Curse on me. I can't say anything."

"Try," Marlene said, and it was not an order or even a demand. In fact, it was quite close to a plea.

Lily smiled ruefully. "I can't. I can't even say their names."

"Try," she repeated. "Please."

Lily took a deep breath and prepared herself for that horrific, sick feeling she felt six months ago, on the Hogwarts Express, when she first tried to mention anything about Marlene's sisters. "L-layla."

Their eyes widened. "B-but," Lily began, "that makes no sense! When we were on the Hogwarts Express—"

"Say Jenna's name," Marlene said excitedly.

"Jenna," Lily said. "But the — the curse! What happened?" She racked her brain, trying to think of a possible reason why the curse had broken.

_There is no existing counter-curse for the Tongue-Tying Curse — the only possible way to counteract its effects is..._

"_By the victim empowering the caster!_" Lily said triumphantly, remembering the time when she Disarmed Mulciber and Regulus a few weeks back. Nevertheless, her jubilance only lasted a second; when she realised what she would have to tell Marlene, the smile slid off her face instantly.

Half an hour later, Lily's eyes were blurring with tears. Marlene's voice had become thick with emotion as she asked, "L-lily...if — if what you told me is true...then where are they?"

At this point, Lily fell short. She had quite a good idea about the general direction of Layla and Jenna's location, but she was not quite sure how to break it to her friend.

With a sound that was halfway between a sob and a sigh, Lily resigned herself to the worst and told her everything about her and James' foray to the Slytherin common room.

**Chapter End Notes:**

OK, so not a cliffhanger, but I bet you're happy. Lily's curse is now broken, so what's her next plan? Tell me what you think by reviewing, please. It's the only payment I get!


	15. Ambush

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

Now, Mulciber and Regulus also look suspicious, thanks to the debacle with Sirius in that corridor. What's Lily and James' plan now? Read to find out! A huge, huge thank you to Stacey and Alex for their much-appreciate beta'ing. Also, cheers to Carole, Kara, Sarah and Eliza for their input on Lily getting James a birthday present in the Character Clinic on the MNFF beta boards. It was much appreciated.

"So Mulciber and Regulus are definitely looking suspicious?" James asked.

"Yep," said Lily. "If one of them was the one who cast the Tongue-Tying Curse on me, and it got broken after I Disarmed him, then it logically follows that whichever one it was, Mulciber or Regulus, was involved in the kidnapping. I just don't know how he's going to lead us there."

She thought about Marlene — who wanted to go up to Mulciber and Regulus and simply demand to know where her sisters were. It took Lily some time to persuade her otherwise, because Lily knew that there was no way Mulciber would simply give away their location like that. As well as that, Lily had no proof. The closest she had to proof was — if she recalled correctly — Mulciber's left-handedness, something she had only just noticed recently. She had nearly forgotten about this tiny detail during her ordeal but as soon as she saw Mulciber's wand spinning out of his left hand, it clicked. However, this was not solid evidence; Lily was sure there were plenty of wizards who were left-handed.

In fact (Lily remembered this with a pang) she had just wiped away the last of the evidence, and it occurred to her that maybe, whoever sent the potion had an ulterior motive that she was not aware of.

"Our best bet, then," she told James, coming out of her reverie, "is to ambush a few Slytherins, Transfigure ourselves to look like them and get into the common room — still under the Cloak, to be on the safe side."

"And then what?" he asked, frowning. "This isn't much of a plan, you know, Lily."

"Have you got any better ideas, then, Mr Animagus?" she demanded, her hands on her hips. It was nearing midnight and they had just got back from patrol. They were now in the Gryffindor common room, sharing a sofa.

"What about Polyjuice Potion?" James suggested.

"No time," Lily said dismissively. "It takes a month to brew, remember? Besides, it's very fiddly — one of the trickiest potions I've ever heard of."

"Fine," said James wearily. "We'll do it your way — even though it'll probably be me who's doing the Transfiguring." Lily smiled and hugged him; he leaned forwards to kiss her, but she had turned her face slightly so the kiss landed on her ear. Laughing, she kissed him properly on the lips.

"Just...one condition," James murmured after a moment.

"What?"

"Can we do it after my birthday?" James' birthday was a week away, Lily knew.

"Why?" Lily asked.

"Because," he said slowly, "we need a proper plan before we can get into the place. And proper plans take time. We can't just up and go. The Slytherins will notice and so will Sirius and Remus and Peter, not to mention Mary and maybe even McGonagall. How the hell are we meant to explain ourselves to them?"

"But how are we going to explain ourselves to Marlene when she asks why we're leaving it so late?"

"If she cares about her safety and ours, she won't be that fussed if she has to wait a week. What's more, if we don't have a proper plan, how on earth do you expect us to get them out of there alive?" There was silence as they both considered James' words. "Besides, Lily, I want to enjoy what little freedom I have before the storm comes."

Lily nodded, staring at him unblinkingly, the smile leaving her face. "And we'd better be ready for  
it, hadn't we?"

"Happy birthday to you," half of Gryffindor house sang. "Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Jaaames... Happy birthday to yooou!"

"Hip, hip..." Sirius shouted.

"HOORAY!" yelled everyone else at the party.

"HIP, HIP..."

"HOORAY!"

There was an outburst of cheering and James accepted his gifts, most of which were stolen bottles of Firewhiskey from Hogsmeade. For once, he and Lily forgot about their responsibilities as Head Boy and Girl and turned a blind eye towards the illegal drinks and enjoyed the party that was not meant to happen.

Finally, at one in the morning, the last of the non-Gryffindor stragglers who had got into Gryffindor Tower left, still clutching mostly-empty bottles of Firewhiskey. Lily, who had remained sober throughout — sticking to Butterbeer — shooed the remaining Gryffindors to their dormitories, reminding them that they did have lessons the next day.

"Oi, Prongs," Sirius said the next morning at breakfast. His eyes were rather red and it was clear he had a hangover.

"What?" James said through a mouthful of toast.

"What did Evans get you for your birthday?" At this, Remus and Peter looked up from their breakfasts, evidently curious too.

"And why are you three so interested?" James said, mildly irritated.

"Because we're your friends," Peter said, slightly groggily. "It's our...right to know."

"Why are you so reluctant to tell us anyway?" Remus asked, a smile playing on his tired face.

James shrugged. "I'm not," he said. "I don't mind telling you."

There was silence as James took a long sip of tea and finished off his toast while his friends simply looked at him expectantly.

"Well?" said Sirius finally, after James didn't say anything for another minute.

"Well what?" he said, grinning.

"Prongs, stop being so stupid! Just tell us what she got you." Remus and Peter were both looking rather annoyed at this point.

"Oh," said James, smirking. "Why didn't you just say?" The other three exchanged looks of exasperation before turning back to James. "She got me my favourite Honeydukes chocolates and a pen."

"A pen?" Sirius repeated, scoffing. Remus and Peter also coughed in a strange way. "Why the hell did she get you a _pen?_"

"It's a really nice fountain pen, actually," James retorted, rummaging in his pocket for it. At last he pulled it out and carefully put it on the table. Sirius picked it up and looked at it suspiciously.

"Ooh, look, she got it engraved, Padfoot," said Remus.

"And she told me that it's got ink that replenishes itself every two weeks," said James proudly. He was still rather surprised that she had remembered that information, let alone held onto it and got him something which would remedy James' problem with buying ink.

"Probably took her two seconds," Sirius dismissed. "She's the best in Charms in our class."

"And what did Carole get you for your birthday last year, Padfoot?" James countered. "Exactly," he said, taking Sirius' silence to mean "nothing".

"It's the thought that counts," said Peter, grinning when Remus rolled his eyes in exasperation.

Vincent Macmillan and Emily Vanity had just emerged from an empty, unused classroom, their clothes crumpled; their appearances were generally dishevelled from what had clearly been a heated, late-night snogging session when Marlene's silent Stunning Spells made them both become rigid before toppling forwards. As quickly as they could, James, Lily and Marlene dragged Vincent and Emily back into the classroom; Lily waved her wand at the blinds and shut the door to make sure no one could see them. She then cast a _Muffliato_spell to ensure complete privacy.

Sarah Davis was already in the room; Lily had managed to ambush her as she left the girls' bathroom on the same floor as the unused classroom they were in now.

"All right; we'd better get started," said James with a sigh. "We haven't got long. Here, let me do you first, Lena."

Glancing back and forth at Marlene and Sarah, James Transfigured Marlene's features so that they resembled Sarah's; then, he did the same to Lily and finally, himself. This was the hardest, because James always found it easier to Transfigure others than himself — however, with the aid of a hastily Conjured mirror, at last, James was almost the twin of Vincent Macmillan. Sarah and Emily were also roughly the same height as their doppelgangers, to Lily and Marlene's relief.

"C'mon, let's go," Lily muttered, grabbing James' wrist and pulling on Marlene's arm. "We're late enough as it is." James rolled his eyes and rushed downstairs towards the Slytherin common room alongside Lily and Marlene, keeping his eye on the Marauder's Map. Thankfully, Filch was in his office and since James and Lily were on duty that night for patrol, there were no other prefects around either.

To James' relief, Bartemius Crouch — a rude, obnoxious fifth-year who James only knew as Sirius' annoyingly intelligent second (or was it third?) cousin — was by himself and about to say the password, thus saving James the awkwardness of asking him.

"_Boni sanguinis,_" Barty Crouch said. He didn't notice James, Marlene and Lily and was about to close the door; this forced James to call out.

"Hold on!" James said, trying to make his voice more high-pitched. Crouch just looked at him and his companions strangely — but he did leave the door open for him before heading towards his dormitory.

With difficulty, trying their best to look nonchalant and not suspicious, Marlene, Lily and James entered the Slytherin common room. It was empty but for Avery and Wilkes, both of whom looked rather cagey, as if they didn't want the newcomers to see what they were going to do.

"I'll see you two tomorrow, then." Thinking fast, James frantically instructed Lily and Marlene, without saying anything, to follow his lead.

"All right," Lily squeaked. Playing along, she leaned forwards for a kiss.

"Ugh! Do you two have to do that in front of me?" said Marlene, with more than a hint of herself in her voice. Lily managed to flash Marlene a warning look before she felt Avery's eyes on her.

"Come on, Mar — Sarah. Let's go." Without another word, Lily pulled Marlene towards the girls' dormitories while James followed suit. As soon as they were out of sight of Avery and Wilkes, Lily Disillusioned herself and Marlene. James, she knew, would be OK. He had the Invisibility Cloak.

"What do we do now?" Marlene hissed.

Lily stepped on the next stair as silently as she could, tugging Marlene's arm to follow her. "We wait," she whispered back.

Avery and Wilkes were in full view now, but then they seemed to be sinking down into the floor: first their legs, then waists, then torsos and arms and shoulders...then, somehow, they disappeared completely. There was a snap as something closed. Lily waited a few more seconds before she ran forwards, removing the Disillusionment charm.

Following suit, James took off the Cloak and a moment later, Marlene did the same as Lily. All three were staring intently at the spot where Avery and Wilkes had vanished. There was no trace of the trapdoor that Lily had seen mere seconds ago.

"What do we do now?" Lily breathed.

James said nothing; he pointed his wand at the floor, and, to Lily's complete and utter shock, a trapdoor materialised out of nowhere.

"How did you do that?" Marlene asked in amazement.

"Practice," he replied, shrugging nonchalantly. "Comes with territory. I know all the hidey-holes in this place except a few. How d'you think I know so many ways out of the school?"

Lily simply shook her head before asking tentatively, "So...are we going to go down there?" Marlene nodded immediately.

Marlene outstretched a shaking hand and opened the trapdoor. She peered into it; it was complete and utter darkness. Lighting her wand, she saw a platform a few feet away. Within seconds, she understood the mechanisms of it.

"All three of us have to go together," murmured Marlene.

Taking a deep, unified breath, Lily, Marlene and James stepped onto the platform together. Lily cast Disillusionment Charms on Marlene and James and herself and James covered them with the Invisibility Cloak, just to be on the safe side.

Just as Marlene had predicted, it was a bit like a lift, with all of them on the platform together. Eventually, they emerged from it, their wands lit underneath the Cloak.

They heard voices instantaneously and Marlene steered them in the voices' direction, her heart pounding beneath her ribs as they made their way, with immense difficulty, towards the sounds. They checked in all the rooms leading up to where the noise was coming from — all of which were empty.

Finally, they arrived in a dimly lit room, where there were several people, sitting on chairs around an elongated table in the middle of the room. There was no other furniture and this made the room bare; the dull-looking walls and dirty floor, littered with debris, did nothing to make it look any better.

Hesitantly, Marlene, Lily and James made their careful way into the room, trying to catch some of their conversation which might lead to a mention of the whereabouts of Layla and Jenna. However, they had barely took in their surroundings and the other people in the room (including Mulciber, Avery, Wilkes, Katie, Regulus, George and Georgia Greengrass and Snape) when, to Lily and James' dismay, Marlene let out a loud cry as she felt a sharp nail pierce her shoe and enter the bottom of her foot.

At once, the people sitting at the table got to their feet as one, all withdrawing their wands from the insides of their robes and pointing them in the direction of the source of noise.

"Who's there? Reveal yourself!" an unfamiliar voice demanded.

Marlene had frozen as she realised her mistake. Her foot had become numb with pain but this was not the time to think about such trivial things, she realised. Without further ado, James, Lily and Marlene slowly and silently backed out of the room, just dodging a Stunning Spell and a Stinging Hex from the inhabitants.

The three of them broke off into a run, making for the lift again. Marlene urged it to go faster, but it seemed to be moving at its slowest speed. When, at last, it reached the trapdoor for the Slytherin common room, James, Marlene and Lily ran out of the common room door. They did not stop running until they reached the Gryffindor common room.

"Where on _earth_have you three been?" the Fat Lady asked sternly.

"Somewhere," James panted. "Damn — password. Erm..."

"_Laborare,_" Lily gasped, "_est orare._"

The Fat Lady's portrait swung open reluctantly to admit them.

"I got a Howler, you know," Lily told James the next morning. "It came to my room and it said...it said that I'm being watched. Do you think they know I was there?"

"If they do, there's nothing they can do about it," he insisted. "Not in here, anyway. Our plan wasn't very good, was it?" James smiled ruefully at Lily.

"It was, James," she said. "It's just, we were so busy trying to see how we could get into the common room that we didn't pay quite as much attention about what to do when we were actually there."

He nodded. "Yeah. That's what we need to do next time. But not any time soon," James added hastily after seeing the look of shock on Lily's face. He placed his hands on her shoulders reassuringly. "At any rate, you're not going anywhere, Lily. And neither is Marlene. Both of you could've been killed last night."

"And you could've been killed too! We're perfectly capable, thank you, of handling a load of Slytherin thugs!" said Lily indignantly, pushing his hands away and going through the portrait hole.

"She's right." James and Lily jumped in unison when they heard Marlene's voice from behind them; Lily saw that her eyes were red and her face rather blotchy, as if she'd been crying.

"You got a Howler too?" Lily asked sympathetically, giving her friend a hug.

"A Howler? Why on earth would Lena get a Howler?" Mary asked, appearing out of nowhere. "And have you been crying?"

"Don't worry — it's nothing," Marlene assured Mary. She hastily muttered something about her mother being angry at her and thankfully, Mary accepted the story without further comment.

However, after breakfast, Lily went to the toilets with Marlene and asked what the Howler said.

"It said," Marlene began, "that if I wanted to see them alive, I wasn't to tell anyone, and that if word gets round that anyone knows except you about Layla and Jenna, they'll...they'll kill them both."

"We'll get them," said Lily fiercely. "We're not going to let this go without a fight, Marlene." At Marlene's despondent expression, Lily added, "Besides, the fact that we didn't find them probably means that they're still alive, OK?"

"They're all I have left, Lily," she whispered, tears trickling down her cheeks. "I can't — I'll die if I lose them."

"Look," said Lily desperately. "The Easter holidays are coming up, so why don't we stay for Easter; maybe some of the Slytherins will go home — hopefully Mulciber's crew — and then we can have a proper look around. We'll find them," she insisted, with a confidence she did not truly feel. "I'm sure we will."

**Chapter End Notes:**

This chapter was the shortest. Sorry. But rest assured, the others will be longer :) Not that there are many left - two more to go, plus the epilogue. Please review, even if you didn't like it. The only payment I get, remember!


	16. Sectumsempra

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

OK, so Lily, James and Marlene have tried to ambush the Slytherins, but it seems they need a better plan than what they've currently got. Will they come up with something more foolproof this time? Which one of Lily's classmates is seriously injured in this chapter? And what nasty surprise lies in wait for Marlene at breakfast? As always, a massive thank you goes to Stacey and Alex for beta'ing.

The Easter holidays were over. James and Lily and Marlene were unable to spy on the Slytherins since most of the students opted to remain in school during the holidays in order to study for their upcoming exams. None of them had seen it coming, but there was nothing else to it; if they tried to get into the common room again, they would get caught and get into trouble — and not with the teachers.

James was finding it hard to forget about it. Nevertheless, his thoughts could not linger on kidnappings because the seventh-years were forced to revise for their exams, which seemed to be a lot nearer than any of them had anticipated.

Meanwhile, in the school, rumours were flying around about the possible closure of the school in light of the recent events. James and Lily had heard almost all of them, owing to their large circles of friends; Lily's had become bigger now she and Mary were friends with Marlene again.

"Rumour has it," Mary told her and Marlene one day, "that Dumbledore's being pressured by the Ministry to keep the school open. Give the parents hope and that."

"But..."

"But apparently, Dumbledore thinks it isn't safe and that the students should just go home, especially after everything that's happened. Even the Ministry can't stop Dumbledore closing the school for the next year, at least. That _is_ probably what's going to happen."

However, despite the gossip about Hogwarts closing, it remained open, and true to Mary's words, Dumbledore did express his concern to the students in Hogwarts, urging them to be extra vigilant.

"These are dark and troubled times," he told them gravely during dinner one day. "I implore you to remain cautious, and above all, _keep to your common rooms after hours._ I cannot stress enough about how important this is. It is imperative that you keep safe. The older students," he said, peering at the fifth-, sixth- and seventh-years sitting at the Gryffindor table, "should do their utmost to protect the younger ones, particularly the first-years. Prefects, I know you have exams but the younger students are still your responsibility, especially when you are in your common rooms. So please, be careful and if you see anything strange, anything at all, report it immediately to a teacher. If possible, come to me. Thank you very much."

It seemed that the students were taking their headmaster's words to heart; now, when James and Lily patrolled three nights a week, there was rarely anyone out of bounds. Even the Slytherins appeared to have heeded Dumbledore's instructions, and for that, James and Lily were grateful, because, as the exams loomed nearer, they barely had any time to spend together, let alone chase potential child abductors.

Many of the fifth- and seventh-years were now spending all of their spare time with their noses in books — the exams seemed to be a lot closer than they initially thought before the Easter holidays, and now they were trying to cram in as much revision as possible. Madam Pomfrey had already dealt with a dozen students who needed Calming Draughts after having panic attacks about their OWLs or NEWTs.

On the other hand, Lily — surprisingly enough — was relatively well-prepared compared to most of her fellow seventh-years. She had a revision timetable and she stuck to it; she also managed to include other commitments, like spending time with James. Often, she, James, Remus, Sirius, Peter, Marlene and Mary would revise together, and Lily found it easier to explain something to the rest of the group, especially since she also learnt from what she was saying.

The day before the exams, Lily, Mary and Marlene were heading to the library, intending to have a full-blown revision session ready for their first exam the next day: Charms. It was probably the one Lily felt most confident about, although she did not dare say this for fear of jinxing her results.

They entered the library, which was full to the brim with students; the only sounds were feverish mutterings, quills scratching, pages turning and books being dropped on the floor, followed by vehement swearing.

"This is useless," Marlene whispered. "We won't be able to get a table here."

"Hold on," Lily muttered. "Let's go to the back — there'll be more tables there. Don't worry."

She led the way towards the back end of the library, just past the Restricted Section. It was already dark due to the lack of windows there but also because of the dark shadow the Restricted Section shelves cast upon the corners of the room. Nevertheless, Mary spotted a few empty tables at the very end of the library.

However, before they could reach them, there was a loud cry coming from one of the corners. Lily immediately veered to the left, where the source of the sound was, and squinted in the darkness, unable to see properly until Marlene muttered, "_Lumos._" A beam of light fell on the opposite wall and Marlene pointed it directly at where the noise seemed to be coming from.

Diana Williams was there, grabbing hold of Zoey Rai, who, they saw in horror, was bleeding heavily from her head, her eyes unfocused as she lolled on Diana's lap.

"GET HELP!" Diana screamed. Lily turned around but Mary had beaten her to it; she ran as fast as she could towards the entrance, causing many other students to drop their books. Madam Pince, who had been prowling in the Restricted Section, came up to them with a disapproving look on her face.

"Excuse me, this is a library, not a Quidditch pitch, girls, so keep your voices down. Especially you, Miss Evans — you're Head Girl — completely ignoring irresponsible and disruptive beha—"

"She's bleeding, Madam Pince," Marlene interrupted, as at last she found her voice.

"Merlin's beard," whispered Madam Pince, her tone changing immediately. She bent down next to Zoey and murmured a spell which staunched the blood flow just as they heard the sound of Madam Pomfrey's hurried footsteps, with Mary at her heels.

As soon as the matron reached them, she conjured a stretcher and Zoey floated onto it; there was blood all over her shirt and on her hands. Without a word, Madam Pomfrey led Zoey away, completely disregarding the gasps coming from the students in the library. Diana ran after them and Marlene, Mary and Lily watched in silence. Madam Pince waved her wand and Vanished the few drops of blood which had fallen to the floor in Madam Pomfrey's haste, shuddering as she did so.

"What's going to happen to her?" Diana asked Madam Pomfrey tearfully. The curtains were drawn around Zoey's bed and Madam Pomfrey refused to allow anyone to see her.

The matron shook her head. "It is impossible to tell, as of yet. Certainly, there was Dark Magic involved — I've had Professor Frensham look at her, and there is no doubt that the perpetrator knew exactly what he was doing. Professor Dumbledore will be arriving any minute."

"But — that doesn't mean that — that she's going to—" Diana started, sobbing into her hands.

"Nothing is certain as of yet," Madam Pomfrey insisted. "Now, Miss Williams, I advise you to leave my hospital wing now. You have an exam tomorrow, don't you?"

Diana nodded reluctantly. "Two of them, actually."

"Then go, Diana, and catch up on some last minute revision. Oh, and while you're at it," Madam Pomfrey added as Diana made to open the doors, "tell Miss Evans, Miss MacDonald and Miss McKinnon that they'll be standing outside all night, because no one else is coming in here."

Sure enough, when Diana opened the door, she found Mary, Marlene and Lily, waiting to go in.

"Miss Rai will not be having any guests!" Madam Pomfrey called to the girls, who had stepped forwards tentatively. Then, thankfully, they turned around, and Madam Pomfrey waved her wand to slam the doors shut. A moment later, and they opened again; Madam Pomfrey sighed and was about to raise her voice again when she was greeted by the kindly face of Albus Dumbledore.

"Headmaster! I'm so sorry!" she squeaked, realising that she had just shut the door in Dumbledore's face.

"Not at all, Poppy," replied Dumbledore courteously, waving away her apologies. "You merely wanted to ensure privacy for your patient. I understand." Pointing his much longer wand in the direction of the door, he closed and locked it with a squelching sound. The blinds were already down and no one would be able to see or hear anything they shouldn't. With another wave of his wand, the curtains around the bed opened and Diana, surrounded with magical wires and machines, became visible.

The headmaster peered at Diana, his expression one of pity but not revulsion. "What is the extent of her injuries?"

"They are severe, Albus," Madam Pomfrey whispered. "The blood had flowed to her brain, even though Madam Pince staunched the bleeding quite quickly. Even without that, this was, most definitely, an act of Dark Magic. She's in a vegetative state and I doubt she will ever come out of it."

"Will St. Mungo's..."

"St. Mungo's has enough patients to deal with as it is, and in any case, Albus, I have already contacted the Healers there and told them of the situation. They said that there is nothing left to do. The girl, right now, is as good as dead. Her heart is beating, but her brain is no longer intact."

Dumbledore sighed and Madam Pomfrey continued, "I have informed her mother — her father has never been around, but Miss Rai knew that he was a wizard from what her Muggle mother told her."

"And?"  
"I will be at her house shortly to ask her to come to the school to see her daughter. We will decide what to do from there. What about Miss Williams?"

"I tried asking her what had happened," Madam Pomfrey explained, "but the poor girl was in tears and could barely talk to me properly. The only thing on her mind was what was going to happen to Zoey, and she was so distraught I thought it best not to tell her what is wrong."

"A wise decision," Dumbledore commended. Before he could continue, however, they were interrupted by the arrival of Professor McGonagall.

"Albus...what's happened? Is Miss Rai all right? Perhaps she can help—" She broke off at the sight of Zoey on the bed.

"Miss Rai is not in a position to be talking to anyone right now, Minerva," the headmaster said quickly. "She is in a coma and it is very unlikely she will come out from it."

"Three Gryffindors," McGonagall breathed. "That's three of my Gryffindors who have fallen prey to this murderer! Albus, we must close the school. There is nothing else to it."

"I agree, Albus," Madam Pomfrey added. "I think the parents will also support you, should you choose to make that decision."

Dumbledore nodded resignedly. "I understand," he said. "However, I do think we owe it to our students for them to at least sit their exams before we ask them to leave. A few more weeks, surely, cannot be much harm. As well as that, the Minister has made it quite clear that he wishes for Hogwarts to remain open for what is left of the school year."

"The Minister is You-Know-Who's—"

"Minerva!" Dumbledore said sharply. "This is not the time or place to be discussing such things. And even if the Minister did not pass his objections to me, exams cannot possibly be rescheduled at such short notice. It is a legal magical contract — you know that, as well as I do, Minerva, having just signed the contract yourself."

"Until the exams are over, then," McGonagall said wearily.

The seventh-years had their first NEWT exam the day after Zoey Rai's attack. The school was buzzing with the news of another attack, but the news did not create as much fear as the murders did because as far as they knew, Zoey's life was not as risk. Despite this, Diana had a nervous breakdown, mere minutes before the examination, and had to be given a heavy Calming Draught in order for her to be ready for the tests that day.

Over the next two weeks, the fifth- and seventh-years settled into a regular routine: waking up, eating breakfast, doing two exams — one written, then lunch, and one practical — eating dinner and returning to their common rooms to revise for the exams the next day.

The last day of exams was greeted with relief from the OWL and NEWT students. There were just two left for some, and one for others.

During breakfast, Lily, as usual, was rereading the next exam's textbook while she drank her tea, barely paying attention to the conversation at the table. She only looked up when James nudged her for the fourth time.

"What?" Lily asked, slightly crossly. James inclined his head in Marlene's direction opposite them; immediately, Lily sensed something was wrong because of her friend's expression.

Marlene was clutching a brown package; the owl that delivered it had already flown away, leaving a feather in its place.

"Lena, what's the matter?" Lily asked, trying to sound nonchalant, as if it would soften any blows. Ignoring her, Marlene ripped open the package while her friends watched with bated breath.

Marlene was rendered completely speechless, and, after a moment, she coughed and retched violently all over her unfinished breakfast. Almost all of the students looked up from their conversations or revision and watched, their expressions a mixture of repulsion and sympathy and perplexity. The only people who ignored Marlene were the seventh-year Slytherins, but only Peter Pettigrew noticed this; James, Remus and Sirius were all on their feet, Remus already clearing up the vomit. Professor McGonagall, who had concern written all over her face, took a sobbing, bile-covered Marlene out of the Hall, Mary and Lily in her wake. Remus, Sirius and James also followed moments later, forgetting about Peter.

Peter, on the other hand, was curious to know what Marlene had seen that had made her so upset. So, after ensuring that everyone had got back to their breakfast, he surreptitiously pointed his wand at the package and muttered, "_Accio package._"

It flew over to his lap; the distance it had travelled was only a few feet, and no one had seen a thing, as far as he could tell. They were far too busy gossiping at Marlene's violent reaction, and they were speculating as to what could be so bad that she would be vomiting. Peter carefully opened the package where it had been torn by Marlene. He was surprised to see that it had no writing on it at all, not even a name.

He emptied its contents into his lap and let out an almost rat-like squeal of shock. No wonder Marlene was so upset...but whose were they?

With a flick of Peter's wand, the two disembodied fingers vanished. 

The final written exam, Transfiguration, was over at long last. The seventh-years breathed a unified sigh of relief as they filed out of the Great Hall as quickly as they possibly could without running. For some, they planned for it to be their last ever exam. For others, they knew that it was merely the beginning of far harder tests in the future ahead.

Lily caught Severus' eye unexpectedly. Lily was surprised that he and the other seventh-year Slytherins had hung around for so long — what did examinations mean to Death Eaters like them?

"Lily?" James' voice came out of nowhere and she turned around to feel his warm, familiar embrace. Lily just about saw the resentful look on Severus' face, but forgot this immediately as her view of Severus was blocked by James.

"Hello," she said into his chest.

"Hi," he replied softly. They moved apart slightly to walk together into a corner, where James leaned against the wall. "Thank God it's over," James said, yawning hugely. "How did you find it?"

Severus was still eyeing them, Lily noticed. "The exam was...yeah," she said vaguely.

"How's Marlene?"

"Marlene was all right when we left her in her dormitory. She's still shaken by what happened at breakfast, though. Mary and Remus have gone to check on her."

"Yeah, Sirius and Peter have gone too. Any news on Zoey?"

"I haven't heard anything about Zoey yet. But anyway, erm...James, I have to tell you something." She had no idea where that came from; all she knew was that James needed to know — now.

"What is it?" he asked, standing up straight, looking concerned.

"It was Severus," she whispered, which was quite unnecessary judging by the increasing loudness of their fellow classmates.

"What d'you mean, Lily?"

"Severus cursed you," Lily said, her voice only slightly stronger. "Remember? During the Quidditch match back in November, it was him who made all that blood spurt out of your chest."

"Why?" James pressed. He looked neither surprised nor worried.

"I...I don't know," she admitted. "All I can think of is when...when we were in the Astronomy Tower and he found us there. I — I suppose he got the wrong impression?"

"What, that me and you were together? Even though we weren't?" As he said it, James pulled her closer to him protectively.

Lily nodded, hugging him in return. "Erm, sort of, I think. I don't know," she repeated.

"He was jealous," said James. "He _is_ jealous, come to think of it."

"So what are you going to—"

"Ah, Mr Potter, Miss Evans," Professor McGonagall interrupted suddenly. They jumped apart at the sight of their Transfiguration teacher and Head of House. McGonagall didn't comment on Lily and James' flustered expressions.

"Yes, Professor?" Lily and James said in unison.

"How did you find the exam?" she enquired, her nostrils flaring only a little.

"It was fine," James replied. Lily nodded in agreement.

"I trust that you will be a responsible Head Boy and Head Girl, Potter, Evans, and ensure that the absence of exams does not equate to an absence of order in the common room. No parties, please — and certainly no illegal drinks!" Even at her stern words, James could see the corners of McGonagall's mouth upturn slightly.

"Of course not," said Lily smoothly. "We'll make sure everything is in order, don't worry, Professor."

"I'm glad I have your reassurance, Miss Evans," said McGonagall, inclining her head at her. She checked her watch. "I must go — Potter, Evans, why don't you relax this evening?"

"Thank you, Professor," James told her gratefully. McGonagall hurried off up the stairs at a surprisingly fast speed.

"C'mon, James," Lily muttered, putting her arm around his waist. "Let's get out of here."

"Yeah," he said vaguely.

They went the long way up to the common room, and just before they rounded the corner of the common room entrance, Lily stopped, making James stop with her.

"What's wrong?"

"_Sectumsempra,_" Lily said faintly.

"What?" asked James, baffled. Was this meant to be a spell?  
"_Sectumsempra,_" she said again. "It's the spell Severus used. He told me about it."

"Why did you wait until now to tell me anything?"

"Because...because I was scared about what you might say," Lily said. "More importantly, what you might do if you found out it was him."

"What did he tell you about it?"

"He said that it doesn't work well non-verbally, and that if you use more than one wand it can...affect the victim more than if you use one."

"Like all spells," said James, nodding. Before Lily could say anything further, they looked up at the sounds of footsteps. Seconds later, Peter, Remus, Sirius, Marlene and Mary came rushing down the corridor and Mary skidded to a halt in front of Lily and James.

"What's happened?" Lily demanded, noting the colour in Marlene's cheeks. "Lena, are you...?"

"I'm fine," Marlene said impatiently, her brave mask slipping for a moment before she adjusted it again.

"Professor Frensham's been...taken," Remus panted.

"How d'you know that?" James asked.

Sirius waved the Marauder's Map in front of him. "Map," he added unnecessarily. "We saw Mulciber going into Professor Frensham's office with Avery. Mulciber and Frensham just disappeared — literally, on the spot. One second they were there, the next they weren't. But Avery's still there."

"What's that meant to mean, then?" Lily said.

"It means that Mulciber's clearly found a way out of the school or he's used a Portkey. I doubt he used Floo Powder, because they weren't very near to the fireplace in Professor Frensham's office," Remus told her.

"What do we do?"

"We follow them," said Marlene simply. "Most likely, they've gone to that place that you can get to through the Slytherin common room. They would've gone down that route, but it looks a bit suspicious, lugging your DADA teacher through the school."

"What about Avery?" asked Remus, grabbing the Map from Sirius. Avery's dot was still stationary in Frensham's office.

"There's hardly any point in anyone going there, Remus," Mary pointed out. "He's probably going to hex anyone who gets in sight of him, so why bother?"

"We need a lookout, though," James said, taking charge. He looked around them, considering. They needed Remus — his brains would get them through this alive, he was sure. Mary would, of course, stick to Remus. In case Regulus was involved, Sirius was needed, especially as a dueller. Marlene would have to come, because of her sisters. There was no way Lily was going anywhere without James, so that left...

"Wormtail," Remus said, "can you keep watch outside Frensham's office? Just in case Avery pulls one on us or something?"

"All right, then," said Peter, speaking for the first time and looking relieved he would not have to be in the thick of the action.

"Take the Map," Remus instructed. "And the Cloak. And if anything suspicious happens, Wormy, you know what to do."

"Let's go, guys!" Sirius said to the others. They raced down the stairs and were about to embark on the Slytherin common room corridor when Lily remembered.

"Hold on, we need Disillusionment Charms!" she reminded them. She went around and tapped each person on the head with her wand, making them almost invisible, but certainly less noticeable than normal. When she reached James last, she put her hand on his chest.

"If we're in trouble," she whispered, "use it. OK?" She could feel his heart beating, very fast, underneath her palm.

"I will," he murmured, knowing exactly what she was talking about.

"Are you guys finished?" Marlene said impatiently. Lily jumped, quickly performed the charm on James and herself and started running again.

They continued to rush up the corridor. It looked like luck was on their side that day, too, because a Slytherin had just said the password, and James, Sirius, Remus, Lily, Marlene and Mary quickly entered the common room — Mary did so with difficulty.

"What the — hell!" a Slytherin cursed, trying to bang the door shut, which was proving impossible when half of Mary's body was blocking it.

At last, he seemed to give up and Mary was finally granted entrance into the room. The group scurried towards the hidden door and James dithered for a second, wondering how on earth they were going to get in without attracting anyone's attention. Finally, James cast a _Muffliato_ charm so they wouldn't hear the trapdoor opening.

Taking a deep breath, he entered the trapdoor, followed closely by the others.

Meanwhile, back in the common room, two people had noticed the door opening and closing, even though they hadn't heard it. They followed in horror, realising that the Death Eaters' secret location had been inadvertently revealed. There was, as Mulciber constantly said, nothing else to it.

So, exchanging a look of obvious trepidation and trying to mask it with false excitement, Regulus Black and Georgia Greengrass pursued the Gryffindors.

James, Sirius, Remus, Mary, Marlene and Lily arrived in the shack at last. They could already hear voices so they hoped it was the right place. Cautiously, Sirius stepped forwards and opened the nearest door.

Professor Frensham was sitting shackled to a chair as the Death Eaters around her, without their hoods for once, were clearly torturing her. Her wrists were bleeding from being tied so tightly, and they could actually see the bones in her ankles from where the shackles had dug through her flesh. Her screams were restrained by a Silencing Charm and James' heart went out for his teacher as he watched her in so much unendurable pain.

One of the Death Eaters turned towards the door as it opened, but Frensham's torturers did not cease in their pain-inflicting at the sight of their uninvited guests.

**Chapter End Notes:**

OK, so I had to put in a final cliffie, and here it is! Please review and tell me what you think is going to happen next — there is only one chapter left after this, as well as the epilogue, that is, so I'd love to know what you think.


	17. Eternal Lapse

Here it is. The moment you've all been waiting for — I'm sure. The end of the road, etc, etc. They've arrived to rescue Professor Frensham, but things don't quite go as hastily planned...read to find out!

Thank you so much for beta'ing, Alex and Stacey.

The room was a cavernous one, with what looked like plenty of hidey-holes. It was obviously poorly kept, with dirt on the floorboards which, James was sure, had never been cleaned even once in its unfortunate life. The walls looked once whitewashed, but now stained with brown just like the floor.

"We have to Disapparate," James breathed to the others, even as they watched Professor Frensham's face contort with pain, unable to speak because of the Silencing Charm placed on her. "Now!"

"Well, well, well," said Malcolm Mulciber. "Look who it is. The sluts and their pimps."

"What about Professor—" Sirius began, his voice barely above a whisper.

"No time!" Remus hissed. He caught Professor Frensham's eye and tried to say sorry with his eyes, knowing that they didn't stand a chance.

After a moment's hesitation, all of them — James, Lily, Remus, Sirius, Marlene and Mary — linked hands and twisted on the spot in unison, but it was a futile attempt. The Death Eaters clearly were more adept to anti-Apparition charms than they were at cleaning, James reflected gloomily.

"We're good, aren't we? Pity we can't say the same about you," said an unfamiliar man who had the waxy features of someone whose looks had been tarnished over a short amount of time. He leered at Lily, looking her up and down. "We meet again, darling," he said to her, baring his teeth. "You know, you're quite pretty for a Mudblood...it's just a shame that you're not very good at magic. Just goes to show how you don't deserve _my_ wand. I mean, come on! A Memory Charm? And it didn't even—"

"Go fuck yourself," James snarled automatically. A jet of light shot out of his wand involuntarily in his anger.

The third man, who none of them recognised, deflected the spell deftly without a second's thought. "Try anything else, son, and your teacher's going to get even more hurt than she already is." At that moment, Mary and Remus joined in, directing non-verbal Stunning Spells towards them. The man averted these spells too.

"You as well, werewolf. And you, bitch. Try anything and I'll kill you all. There's no gender immunity here. _Wand away,_ son."

"He's not your fucking son," Sirius growled. Still, James did lower his wand, but only slightly. The others did likewise, remaining on the balls of their feet, ready to change their stances at any moment.

"You murdered William McCann and Kian Robinson and Maria Alessio," said James to Mulciber. It was not a question — it was a statement. "You also tried to kill Zoey Rai. Why?"

Mulciber could barely hear the question directed at him; the mention of his victims' names forced his brain to go back to the times when he performed those terrible crimes.

_The first time had been on the Hogwarts Express. He watched as Marlene wept on William McCann's shoulder. He listened carefully; as soon as he heard Marlene talk about her sisters, he realised what he had to do. He was under strict instructions, so when the McKinnon girl finally left the compartment, heading up the train towards her friends, Mulciber made his move. He only just had time to perform a Concealment Charm when the McKinnon girl was already back, a look on her face as if she was about to ask McCann something._

He saw the confusion in her eyes and for one brief, fleeting moment, Malcolm Mulciber felt a stab of guilt in his stomach for what he'd done. However, it only lasted a second, and he quickly shook it off, reassuring himself that what was done was done, that it was too late to rectify anything.

It wasn't long, however, before it happened again. Mulciber was forced to kill someone else, but not directly this time. And, he supposed, it did help that Grunnings covered it up with that whole fa ade about Robinson having a heart attack. So it wasn't as if he had really_ killed Robinson. No. He just initiated it._

Even after that, when he thought it was all over, Mulciber and his cronies once again had to kill to ensure their discussions were not spread. It was a shame that the charms they had used were not strong enough when the eavesdropper was too close by.

As for Rai...Mulciber didn't even want to go there. That was all Regulus' fault. He told Mulciber that the only reason he tried to kill her was because she rejected him when he asked her out — and this was a year ago. So, of course, Mulciber had to cover up for his mistake. Again.

But, as the Dark Lord told them, if they made mistakes, they had to deal with the consequences.

And so, bearing that in mind, the tiny traces of doubt and guilt in Mulciber's heart were obliterated, the more heinous crimes he performed.

"McCann was being the goody-goody that he always was," Mulciber started after a pause. "He found out about McKinnon's sisters. He had to die. Otherwise he would've told everyone. It was under the Dark Lord's orders. Plus, he was a Mudblood. No losses there.

"Kian Robinson was also foolish enough to ask me about it after he overheard Avery and Montague discussing Mr Mudblood Scum, so he had to go. I put the Imperius Curse on Nick Clearwater and he killed him for me. As for Alessio, I actually had no intention whatsoever of killing her. But when someone knows valuable information, there is nothing to do _but_ kill them.

"Rai, however, was not my fault. Your brother," Mulciber said, jerking his head at Sirius, "got a bit angry at Rai for constantly saying no to him. Reg didn't like that, so he killed her. Or, at least, he tried to. She'll be dead soon — that's for sure." Mulciber finished his speech with a sardonic smirk.

The group digested this information in silence.

"Who are you?" Mary asked, speaking for the first time. Her voice shook slightly but she stood her ground and stared directly at the unfamiliar Death Eaters.

"This one's Grunnings," Marlene told her before the man could speak, jabbing her thumb in his direction, "and that bastard over there is Travers. Dad put him in Azkaban so h-he got his fucking cronies to kidnap _my_ sisters and when that wasn't enough for him, even when he got out, these bastards had to go and kill my dad as well. If only you knew who they were, Lily — we would've been having this conversation months ago.

"Where're my sisters?" Marlene asked them bluntly. "And don't say you don't have them — I know you do."

"And how do you know that?" Mulciber said. "Give it up, sweetheart. There's no point in wishful thinking, is—"

"And so what if we do have little Layla and Jenna?" interrupted Travers. "There's not much you can do, is there, considering they're d—"

He was cut off as Marlene, incapable of stopping herself, launched herself at him with surprising force. Unable to say a coherent spell, she plunged her wand into his eye, the nine months of desperation and fear finally being released. Blood spurted out and landed on Marlene's shirt, and she continued to lay into him as resultant chaos ensued around her.

At that moment, Regulus Black and Georgia Greengrass emerged from the door, their wands out, ready to fight. Sirius' eyes became wide as he watched his brother cast an Impediment Jinx against Remus, who fell backwards in surprise. Meanwhile, Grunnings was duelling Lily, Mary was duelling Mulciber and James was duelling Georgia. Sirius gritted his teeth and resigned himself to the inevitable; with a swipe of his wand, he duelled his own brother.

Five battles were going on at once; one physical, the others magical. Grunnings, pointing his wand at Lily after he dodged yet another Stunning Spell, shouted, "_Avada Kedavra!_"

It was as if the sudden tumult was now in slow motion; everyone seemed to pause to see if the jet of green light would find its target — and even that seemed to be taking its time. Lily seemed rooted on the spot, and the fear was evident in her eyes as she simply stared at her attacker. Finally, James, regaining his sense — and anger as he realised what that son of a bitch was about to do — reached out and grabbed Lily's arm, roughly pulling her back into safety. Then, without a moment's thought, he reached over, wrested Regulus' and Mulciber's wands out of their hands, pointed all three at Grunnings and yelled, "_Sectumsempra!_"

By the force of the triple spell, Grunnings was lifted from his feet into the air before landing on the ground with a thud, blood spattering the floor and a few droplets landing on Remus, who was nearest and had just regained consciousness. James watched in repulsion as the man's eyes became blank and lifeless; it dawned on him about what he had just done.

_He'd killed someone._

Before James had more than a moment to reflect on this astonishing realisation, there were two loud bangs, one after the other as Mary cast silent Impediment Jinxes on Georgia Greengrass and Regulus Black. Both fell to the floor with heavy thuds. Travers dived half-blindly for his wand, which was lying on the ground, turned on the spot and Disapparated. Clearly, the anti-Apparition charms had broken since their caster was dead.

"Why, you...son of a bitch, Travers!" Mulciber burst out. He was wandless, but this did not stop him; instead, before anyone could stop him, he reached inside Professor Frensham's robes and pulled out her wand.

"You move a step and I'll kill you," James threatened.

"Yeah, Potter," Mulciber sneered, despite the trace of uncertainty in his eyes. "You'd really have the guts to kill me, wouldn't you?"

"Look what happened to this one," Sirius said, catching James' eye and playing along, jerking his thumb at Grunnings' body, which was covered in blood. "You wouldn't really want to be next, would you?"

Mulciber shook his head, even though the fearfulness in his expression was becoming more apparent by the second. "The Dark Lord...he would've made so much of both of you, Potter, Black," Mulciber told them. "Even your half-breed friend here would've found a better place if he became a Death Eater..."

"Shut the fuck up, right now," James spat. "We don't want to hear any more of your shit, d'you hear me? I would never, not in a million years, want to join Voldemort. Never. I'd die before that — OI!"

Without warning, Mulciber had turned on the spot; a bolt of red light burst from his wand just as he disappeared into thin air; the bolt spun and everyone in the room ducked to avoid it, but the jet simply went on, relentlessly, determined to find a target. At last, it backfired against the wall nearest to Professor Frensham and bounded directly against her chest.

James, Remus, Sirius, Lily, Mary and Marlene all watched in horror as the last of the life left Professor Frensham's chameleon-like eyes and became hollow — and dead.

"Oh my God," Mary breathed, looking at one dead body to the next.

"We have to go," James said urgently, also looking at Grunnings' bloodied corpse. "Fuck. What have I—?"

"No time, James!" Marlene said impatiently. "We've got to find Layla and Jenna!" She started to make her way out of the door.

"Wait!" Remus called.

"What?" Lena snarled.

"We need a plan," he told her patiently. Mary and Lily looked up. "We have to split up, but none of us can be alone," he explained. "I don't want to take any chances, OK? So James, go with Lily, I'll go with Mary, and Lena, go with Sirius. Look for secret passageways, a door to the basement or the attic, anything like that. Meet back in this room in ten minutes, whether or not you find them, and we'll see how we go from—"

"Hold it, Moony," said Sirius suddenly, just as a bang resounded from where Regulus and Georgia lay, apparently conscious.

Everyone turned towards the source of the noise; all of a sudden, there was a crunching sound as Regulus and Georgia fell through the floorboards and a _crack_ as they Disapparated.

"Great," Sirius muttered bitterly. "I don't suppose I'll be seeing either of _them_ any time soon."

"Hang on," Lily said slowly. "Jenna and Layla could be down there, couldn't they?"

Remus looked uncertainly at Sirius, and no one could bear to look at Marlene, whose expression was one of both fear and anticipation.

"This could be it," whispered Mary. She was scared about what they would find. What if they...?

No. She wasn't going to think of that. She reached out and grabbed Remus' hand, squeezing it. He squeezed back reassuringly, even though his palms were very warm, almost sweaty.

After several moments of silence, when no one moved an inch towards the broken floorboards, Sirius got up abruptly and made his way to the hole. He let out a gasp of pure revulsion, swore vehemently and looked away immediately. Lily couldn't stop herself and peered into it. Her eyes widened in horror and she instantaneously wished she hadn't.

"Oh, Jesus," she breathed, and for the first time in many years, Lily Evans blessed herself.

"Sirius? Lily?" Remus said gently. His voice sounded far, far away from Lily. "What's the matter?"

"I — oh, God!" She keeled over, feeling sicker than she had ever felt in her life. But nothing would come out, and she retched emptily while James kneeled in front of her and watched her in concern.

"What's happened, Lily?" Marlene asked in a shaky voice. "L-lily? LILY! They're not—?" The question hung, unanswered, in the thick, bloody air.

Lily pointed with a wobbly finger at the hole in the floor, unable to hold back her tears. "D-don't l-l-look, Lena. P-please. Please!" she said again, as Marlene made a movement towards it. James had never heard her beg like that before.

"OK, that's enough," James declared. He got to his feet and strode over to the trapdoor, looking forcefully through the gap in the bloodied floor.

He was greeted with the most terrible sight he had ever seen in his life. Two girls, neither of whom looked older than ten, were lying, dead on the ground, their faces emaciated through starvation and their wrists whittled down to their bones, becoming too small for the shackles they were encased in. They were completely naked, devoid of even the lowest form of dignity. The sisters' thin, bruised arms were wrapped around each other, a finger missing from each of their right hands, and their blank, lifeless eyes stared up at James', who felt the need to look away. He suddenly became more aware of his own body than he had ever done before.

How could he not have appreciated this before? His heart was beating, he was more than just skin and bones, he had never been hit in his life, and here, and these poor girls had been abused and left for dead by those bastards.

James felt the presence of Marlene even before he heard the sharp intake of breath at the sight of her two sisters. He awaited the tears; he was sure they would fall on his shoulder, as was done so many times before in the case of Lily, but they did not fall, either from his eyes nor Marlene's.

"I'll fucking kill them," she vowed quietly, furiously. "I'm gonna fuck them up with my bare hands and when I'm done I'm going to cut them into tiny pieces and burn them—"

"Whoa, whoa," James quelled her, his voice an octave above a whisper. "Plenty of time for that later, Marlene. We have to go." He stood up and took Marlene by the shoulders to steady her to her feet.

"Wh-what about th-the — Lay —Jen — what about — them?" Marlene spluttered, unable to say her sisters' names. James didn't let go of her, lest she fall.

"I'll take care of it, Lena," Sirius told her quietly, his voice uncharacteristically grave. He pointed his wand at the bodies and a white, silky material flowed out of his wand and wrapped itself around Layla and Jenna, covering them up.

"That'll do for the moment," Remus said finally as they watched Sirius levitate the bodies out from the trapdoor. "We'll Apparate them back to Hogwarts, OK, Padfoot?"

"Yes, Remus," Sirius replied stoically. "C'mon..."

Holding onto the bodies together, Remus and Sirius spun on the spot and Disapparated.

Mary made to follow them, but Lily stopped her. Now rendered speechless from the shocking revelation of Layla and Jenna's deaths, she simply pointed at Professor Frensham, whose head was lolling on her shoulder, a small quantity of blood escaping her mouth. For the first time since they had entered the room, their DADA teacher looked relatively peaceful, in death. Mary nodded and understood; she was about to get out her wand but James beat her to it. Muttering a spell, he undid the shackles on her wrists and ankles, and with a final wave of his wand, he conjured the same silky covering for Professor Frensham.

"What about...?" Mary began, her question trailing, as everyone knew who she was talking about. Grunnings' dead presence was imminent but James could barely look at him; instead, he simply shook his head and they all understood.

"Let's get out of here," James announced finally. He grasped hands with Lily and Marlene, who held hands with Mary as she took hold of Professor Frensham's body with difficulty. As one, the five people — four alive, one dead — Disapparated into the night.

"Shit!" James hissed as he surfaced from his dream. He held up his hands, examining them in the starlight. There was no blood. Of course not.

_Just a dream, James..._

He could not stand it a moment longer. James got up and got out of his bed, hoping he hadn't woken anyone up.

"Lily?" James whispered, opening the curtains of her bed in the hospital wing. He wasn't surprised to find that she was still awake. Casting a _Muffliato_ spell, Lily pointed at the chair and James settled in it, grasping her hands as tightly as he could.

"Why are you still up?" Lily breathed, moving to the very edge of her bed. It was well past midnight; the hospital wing was full of the noises of snoring. Upon arriving in front of the Hogwarts gates hours earlier, they had found Dumbledore and McGonagall waiting anxiously for the four of them.

"I could ask you the same question," James replied softly. They stared at each other, neither feeling the need to speak; the fact that their hearts were beating at that second was enough for both of them.

Peter had also been attacked by Avery, who had left the school shortly thereafter along with Snape, Rosier and Wilkes. Luckily, Madam Pomfrey was able to heal his injuries in a trice, since, thankfully, none of them were inflicted by Dark Magic.

"Couldn't sleep," she said finally, tearing her gaze away from James.

"Neither could I," he said unnecessarily. "I heard that Zoey died."

Lily bowed her head, trying to stop the tears rolling down her cheeks. It wasn't as if she had ever liked Zoey very much, but the thought of her being victimised by the Death Eaters made Lily realise what a terrible loss it was nevertheless.

"Seven years," she said faintly. "Seven whole years I've known her. And now..."

"Lily...I've been thinking," James interrupted. Lily looked almost glad to be cut off.

"And?" she prompted after another long, reflective silence.

"And...I still can't believe what I've done."

She sat up and patted the space next to her on the bed. Hesitantly, he got up from the chair to sit next to her, carefully maintaining a distance, now unable to look her in the eyes. "James..." Lily began, but he interrupted her.

"He's dead. And — and it's all my fault."

"He deserved to die," she told him firmly. "He's done so many terrible—"

"And so have I," James shot back, "but does that mean I deserve to die too?"

Lily simply looked at him. "What you did," she said slowly, "wasn't a terrible thing. You saved me. I would've died if you hadn't. And if you had a choice, if you could go back and change things, would you have done the same thing again?"

"I...I don't know," James whispered. "I know I would save your life again — I don't know what I could do if you died, Lily. But I'm not sure if I could — if I could kill...I...I don't know, OK?"

"This is a war, James," she stated baldly. "Remember that day, when Kian died? What you told me? We have to fight. There'll always be casualties."

"But that's the thing! I don't mind _being_ a casualty!" he said hotly. "What I mind is the fact that I'm fucking responsible for what happened to the bastard! And I don't want to be."

"You're scared you're going to go to Azkaban?" Lily asked, as James was unable to take it anymore and stood up. He made to leave but she quickly stood up as well, her hands seizing his wrists and making him turn around to face her.

"Course not," James countered, allowing her to close the distance between them. "No one will care about that — even this farce of a government. But let me tell you, Lily: I'm sick to death of my conscience about him. Now, I...I wish I didn't kill him."

"Why did you, then?" she murmured, her hand brushing his cheek, fingering the long cut there which had been inflicted by either Regulus or Georgia.

"Because..." James tried to explain, but this was proving impossible.

Why did he? Was it to stop the man from committing further crimes? Yes, he supposed so, but if James really wanted that, he could've just Stunned him, took him to Hogwarts so Dumbledore would deal with him instead.

Was it because James wanted to save Lily's life? Again, it appeared to be the reason, but again, it was possible for James do something else in order to get the same results.

If that was the case, then why did he do it?

And, just like that, it clicked.

"I did it because," James began, answering her question at last, "he tried to kill you."

"And..." she said. Lily was already weakening from her prolonged time on her feet; her legs were beginning to feel heavy, so she pulled away from him and sat on her bed again.

"And," he continued, his voice stronger now, "I felt so angry at him, just for trying that on you, and I knew that all the things he'd done were evil, so..."

"So you killed him," Lily finished.

"That doesn't make it right," James argued. He reluctantly seated himself on the bed next to her again. "You're Catholic. You should know. Murder's a sin, surely?"

"How d'you know I'm Catholic?" she asked, surprised.

"Remus," he replied. "When I asked him why you did that cross thingy on yourself back there, he told me. His mum is — although Mrs. Lupin always says she's lapsed. Eternally lapsed."

"That's like me. I'm not religious at all," Lily admitted. "Never have been, actually. But for the sake of the argument, you didn't murder Grunnings. Murder's not simple. And it depends on who you do it to for it to be a sin — although why you care, I don't know.

"What you did wasn't murder, James," she continued earnestly. "Grunnings would've killed me and you and everyone who was with us if you didn't get there first. You didn't murder him — you acted in self-defence and my defence and he got killed because of it. But wh-what they did to Marlene's sisters was murder. What they did to Kian, to Will, to Maria, to Zoey, that was murder. This? This is nothing compared to what _he's_ responsible for."

James remained unconvinced. "I don't know what to do," he confessed, looking more worried than he had ever looked before to Lily. His laughing, slightly arrogant exterior had vanished, to be replaced with a raw look of vulnerability and guilt.

"James," she said. "James — just answer me this one question."

"Go on."

"Who did you do it for?"

"You," he said immediately.

"Exactly," said Lily matter-of-factly. "There you go, then."

"What do you mean?"

"You killed that man — for me. If anyone should be feeling guilty here, it's me."

"And why don't you feel guilty?"

"Because that man didn't deserve to be on this earth, James; that's what I'm getting at!" Lily burst out, finally losing her carefully maintained composure. "He tried to kill me. So you killed him. But I told you the spell and I told you to use it if we were in trouble and it was because of me that you killed him in the first place, so I might as well have killed him, for all the difference it makes!

"James, listen to me, OK? You did it for the right reasons. I know for a fact that if our positions were reversed I'd kill him for you — in a heartbeat."

"But—"

"But nothing! This is war. People will die. I might be one of them. But I don't need to be telling you this, James, because you've already acknowledged the fact that you might be a casualty in this war!"

"Surely, though, it was wrong for me to—"

"No, it wasn't!" Lily retorted hotly. "In my book, though, you're either with Voldemort or you're not. And if you kill a child, if you try to kill someone I lo — care for, if you abuse someone or murder someone or commit any other heinous crime, let me tell you now, James: I'm not going to just sit there and let it rest. You have to take a side. Just like you said. And if you're not on my side, you're with them. With _him._ And I know you're not, James. You could never be evil, like Voldemort, like Mulciber. You're a good person. You're a far better person than any of them, and the fact that you have such a strong conscience, even when you did it for the good, shows just how wicked Voldemort is, and how good you are in comparison.

"Stop trying to blame yourself, James. Look at Jenna and Layla. I as good as killed them."

"Don't say that," James protested.

"But it's true! If it wasn't for me looking after them and then just leaving them to die with the Death Eaters, they wouldn't have...they wouldn't have—" Lily stopped, wiping away the tears with her sleeve. She continued bravely, "I might as well have killed them, James. But does that mean you think any less of me?"

James shook his head.

Her shockingly green eyes saw through him, right to the very depths of his soul, as she told him softly, "I'm proud of you, James."

James stared at her. He was suddenly bombarded with emotions and felt the urge to seek solace in her arms. As he hugged her, James whispered, "Me and you against the world, Lily."

Lily could taste warm, salty tears on his lips as they melded with hers in a searing kiss; for the first time in many years, James Potter remembered how to cry.


	18. Epilogue  Blood, Sweat and Tears

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

This is it, people! The end of the journey, at long last. If you want some background music while reading this, I recommend You Are Not Alone by Michael Jackson. This epilogue is (sort-of) influenced on the lyrics — I wrote it, and then listened to MJ, saw how similar the epilogue was to the song and basically based the epilogue on the lyrics. I, of course, do not own the song — the great MJ does.

A final thank you to my two brilliant betas, Alex (welshdevondragon) and Stacey (iloverupertgrint), for their much-needed help re spelling, grammar, unnecessary commas and sentences that really didn't make sense.

**1st November 1981**

It is a dark, dark day.

The days are becoming shorter, the nights longer: the permanently grey clouds merely enhance the darkness and gloominess. Despite this, the jubilance, the rejoicing is still going on, up and down the country, amongst the Wizarding community, at the downfall of a man whose name, even now, most people are scared to say.

The temperature has dropped considerably as November arrives. The rain is falling relentlessly against the roofs of the houses; the raindrops falling against the grey-tinged skins of those men unlucky enough not to have an umbrella, dampening and darkening the hair of the unfortunate women who had only just taken their rollers out and received with delight by Muggle children, who splash through the puddles with their parents as they rush through the frigid downpour, trying to reach their destination as soon as they can.

The residence of Mr and Mrs Potter in Godric's Hollow, which was once upon a time a beautiful, majestic house, is finally in view again to the magical community after disappearing for several months (this goes unnoticed by the Muggles, who were unable to see the house in the first place). However, the dwelling is now destroyed to those wizards and witches who can see it — the roof is now caved in — although that doesn't stop them from visiting it. The Muggles obviously can't see what the fuss is about — they are thinking: _don't those funny cloaked people know what coats are? _And what on earth would make them want to go out, in the rain, to go anywhere, unless they absolutely have to?

You appear, to Muggles, apparently from nowhere, a cloaked figure, immediately getting showered by a fresh burst of rain. You silently curse as you non-verbally cast an _Impervius_ charm as well as a drying spell on yourself. Straightening up, you do not lower your hood — despite stares from nearby children — but take in your surroundings.

"Halloween was yesterday!" the ten-year-old shouts. "What are you supposed to be, a demon?"

Ignoring the boy, you ascertain that you are not being watched before marching towards the very shack the Dark Lord had been defeated in mere hours ago — and by a one-year-old, at that. Your black eyes glitter as you watch from afar: someone, a witch, no doubt, has braved the rain to write a message...a message for _him_. You quickly cast a Disillusionment Charm in case the woman will recognise you.

You shouldn't have come. You know you shouldn't have come. It isn't as if you've come for the boy. You don't care about the boy. Only Lily.

At last, the witch leaves, and you increase your pace, opening the broken gate — already half-covered with inscriptions of some sort — with a creaking sound. You push open the door.

The door opens, again with a creaking noise. There is dust on the carpet; you see that the kitchen has been completely blown apart, presumably by the force of the Killing Curse backfiring.

Turning left, you reach the sitting room, which has remained intact. A few vases are tipped over here and there, but on the whole, you know that it is pretty much the same as it was less than twenty-four hours ago.

One of the mahogany glass-fronted cabinets is still full of Wizarding photographs — Potter and Lily, several of the boy playing, and of course, their various friends, who are everything from purebloods to Muggleborns to half-bloods, like yourself. A large, framed painting of Lily is on the wall, and you reach up, wanting to take it with you, as a memento — but it won't budge. No doubt a Permanent Sticking Charm is placed upon it.

You look around further. A familiar-looking vial which sits atop the other mahogany cabinet catches your eye, and picking it up, you realise that you are looking at the potion you sent Lily. That seems like a million years ago. You wonder if she knew it was you who sent it...but you doubt it. After all, she didn't want anything to do with you, did she?

Listlessly, you open a random drawer, wondering what you are looking for. At first, you dismiss the parchment, thinking that they are merely spare rolls of parchment, but a closer look tells you that they are...it can't be...Cervellica Scrolls?

Shaking your head in disbelief, you can't help but be fascinated, despite the cloud of gloom that seems to permanently hover over you. You have always wanted one, since you were a child, but your mother refused to buy you anything of the sort, declaring it to be expensive and pointless.

Sifting through them, you see that one seems to be in a dark place, and looks uninteresting; the next is clearly on their wedding day, and the third one is — to your shock — of _you._

You bring the scroll closer to your face to see the date: _17th October 1979._ Your beady eyes are watching yourself curiously, your nose less than an inch away from the silvery mist of Lily's thoughts. In the memory, you are accompanied by other people, clearly; your wand is out and you are slashing it furiously in an unseen person's direction. Frowning, your head seems to move of its own accord as you sink into the swirling depths of silver vapour in the scroll.

As you tumble weightlessly through time, it takes you several seconds to regain your footing and recognise your surroundings. You are in Knockturn Alley, where half the shops are boarded up, and no one seems to be visiting them anyway.

Almost immediately, you spot Lily, along with Black, Potter and Lupin, who are all sprinting from behind an alleyway, their wands drawn, eyes focused on their opponents — you see yourself, Dolohov, Crabbe, Bellatrix, the Lestrange brothers, Macnair and Nott shooting jets of light at the four Order members, who are either narrowly missing them or being forced to conjure temporary shields with their wands. You watch as Lily pauses for a second to send a Patronus; an ethereally beautiful doe appears briefly from the end of her wand before disappearing again, no doubt on its way to Dumbledore and other Order members. There is a flash of electric blue light and you see a spurt of scarlet appear as Potter dives in front of Lily, taking the curse for her. He falls backwards, bleeding heavily.

Lily immediately drops to her knees, frantically trying to staunch the blood with her wand. While Black and Lupin continue to fight off four Death Eaters each, more members of the Order Apparate into Knockturn Alley — you recognise Alice and Frank Longbottom, Marlene McKinnon and Mad-Eye Moody — and they don't spare a second, casting an array of defensive spells instantaneously. Dumbledore appears with a _crack_ a moment later, and at the sight of him, you and the other Death Eaters scatter; turning on the spot as one, you watch as the group Disapparate.

Panting, the newcomers finally turn their attention to Potter, whose entire belly is covered in blood. Even you flinch as Dumbledore conjures a stretcher and Apparates him to St. Mungo's (the Order members follow a moment later). The scene fades...

Upon arrival at the hospital, Potter is levitated onto a stretcher and to the nearest room by a Healer. Lily runs after him, and you can see that her hair is soaked, not with rain, but perspiration; there are tears on her face which she tries to wipe away — and this only makes things worse as her hands are covered in blood. The tears on the skin around the corners of her eyes slowly become crimson, but you doubt she is paying any attention as she pushes her hair away from her face.

The memory fades for several seconds, and then comes into focus again. Several minutes seem to have passed and Lily is now talking to the Healer. You can tell time has elapsed since because Lily's reddened tears have now dried on her face.

"He's lost a lot of blood," the Healer tells her gently.

"But he'll live, won't he?" Lily asks. When the woman doesn't say anything, Lily grabs the front of her white robes, seemingly forgetting all etiquette or sense, surprising you, as you have never seen Lily lose her composure to this extent. "Won't he?" she urges, but in a much smaller voice. As she realises what she is doing, she slowly lets go of the Healer.

The Healer does not seem perturbed or offended by Lily's actions. Instead, she puts her hand on Lily's shoulder and says softly, "There's no easy way to say this, but...the chances of Mr Potter surviving are very low. He is awake, but for how long, we do not know. You see, multiple spells were used on him and we have not ascertained as to whether or not it is Dark Magic, but if that is the case..." She trails off, clearly hoping Lily will understand.

Lily shakes her head in disbelief.

"Miss Evans..." the Healer begins, but Lily has already opened the door of the room Potter is in. You follow her warily, knowing you are intruding, but not caring, really, because in the real world, they are gone; they have nothing to be embarrassed about, surely...

You watch as Lily kneels in front of the bed, lightly touching Potter's cheek. His eyes flicker open at once.

"James," she murmurs, her hand moving to his hair.

"Lily," he manages to whisper back, taking her other hand into his. You clench your fists in anger at this small sign of affection; you know you should leave, that you shouldn't be watching, but you can't help yourself, even though you know it'll do you no good.

"Lily," Potter says again, his voice stronger, "what's going to happen to me?"

"Wha-what you mean?" Lily splutters.

"Am I going to die, or what?"

"James! Don't say that!" Lily is clearly distraught, and the stupid bastard isn't making her feel any better, you think furiously. If it was you...

"Tell me, Lily," he insists. "I can handle it...it's not as if we joined the Order for fun, you know. I knew it'd happen one day. I'm ready to die, Lily."

"You're — you're — you won't die," Lily whispers, fresh tears welling in those green eyes you love so much.

"Liar," Potter tells her softly. You grit your teeth in anger; who is he, to tease your Lily, to goad your Lily, to mock your Lily like that? "Lily...what's that stuff on your face?"

"Blood," she tells him, half-laughing shakily at his change of subject. "_Your_ blood."

"Brings a whole new meaning to blood, sweat and tears, doesn't it?" Potter smiles at his own joke. "So. Lily. Darling. You didn't answer my question. _Am I going to die?_"

She shakes her head, terrified of saying anything. At the look Potter gives her, though, she resigns herself to the worst.

"The Healer said," Lily begins carefully, all traces of laughter disappearing from her face as she covers it with her hands, "that you've lost a lot of blood."

"And..." Potter prompts, gently tugging her hands away from her face.

"And," she continues tearfully, "there's not much ch-chance of y-you l-living, James. Oh, God, sorry — I'm bloody blubbing all over you." It is true; her tears are falling on the bedsheets and some land on Potter's face. He reaches out and carefully wipes a tear from the corner of her eye.

"If I'm going to die, Lily," he says seriously, as Lily takes his hand and presses her lips against it (again, you have to stop yourself from swearing out loud), "I just want you to know...I love you."

"Oh, James," Lily says, and the same words seem to be on her lips too, but Potter interrupts her.

"And I want you to promise me something. Just one thing."

"Anything," she replies immediately. "You name it."

"Don't mope. Don't be sad. This is a war. Death happens, and it happens a lot. I want you to promise that when I die — if I die — that you're going to forget about me and find someone else. That you're not going to be alone. Promise me that and I'll die a happy man."

"I—I can't," Lily says. "Anything else but that."

"Lily, even if it's sodding Snivellus, I'll be happy. I don't want you to be alone." Your head jerks upwards as you realised they are talking about you.

"I can't do that. I'll never be able to forget you. I love you," Lily says to him tenderly. She leans forwards and kisses him for several long moments. You close your eyes and look away, your expression one of revulsion and jealousy and regret. You only open your eyes when you hear her speak again. "Only you, James, would ask for _that_ as your dying wish. But I can't."

"You wouldn't pick Snape?" Potter asks. "Don't you love him?"

"I did," Lily admits. "Once upon a time. And...OK, I still do love Severus, even to this day. But not like _that._ I loved him — I mean, I love him — but as a friend. I never saw him like that. It was never him. It was never anyone else, either. It was you. It's always been you, James."

There's no point in watching the rest of the memory. You've got your answers. You don't want to waste any more time seeing Lily — your Lily — with that arrogant scum.

You know, as surely as you know your own name, that your heart belongs to Lily. Lily's belongs to Potter's and Potter's belongs to Lily. Everything begins and ends with her, you realise.

As you surface from the painful depths of the memory, your eyes seek the beautiful portrait of the girl you are still deeply in love with.

Staring into the painted green eyes, knowing you will never again see in them the stubbornness, the fire, the kind-heartedness that you have never had the good fortune to possess — you say aloud to the portrait, your voice breaking with emotion: "I put my life on the line for you. All the blood, sweat and tears — it's for you. All for you. I tried to protect you. I couldn't, though, could I?" you say shakily, tears now dripping freely from your eyes as you look at Lily. _Your Lily._ "Even though I took every single fucking burden for you, Lily, despite the fact that my shoulders were ripping with the weight of protecting you, in the end, he got you and all that lying and cover was wasted. Even so, I love you, Lily. Far more than that arrogant, cocky husband of yours ever did."

You're so sorry, you're drowning in it. One word. That's all it took to drive the two of you apart. If it wasn't for you, who knows what could've happened.

_Would've, could've, should've, but fucking well didn't,_ you say to yourself bitterly. Still, you realise with a jolt that you would put your life at risk again for her, if you were given another chance. You'd do it again and again until you died.

In the end, you don't know why you do it. All you know is that you can't let the last spell performed in this house be the Killing Curse.

"_Expecto patronum,_" you murmur, concentrating on your one remaining happy memory: Lily's smile. You remember the way her eyes would light up beneath her long lashes; the way her lips would form in a perfect curve and how her entire face seemed even more beautiful than you could ever imagine when she smiled at you. But then you realise that the last time she smiled at you was so long ago.

Suddenly, you realise that you are not alone: a silvery creature bounds from the end of your wand, stronger than ever before, and you realise your Patronus is no longer a fox; it is now the twin of Lily's. You are nearly hypnotised by the wraithlike, ghostly beauty of the silver doe as it dances around you.

Lily's words seem to echo from the doe's silvery form: "_I still do love Severus, even to this day..._"

You reach out to touch it, but it glides through you like a ghost. You feel the presence of its beautiful head as it goes directly through your rapidly beating heart and is gone. And as the final hot teardrops falls from your eyes and smack against the cold, dusty floorboards, and you yourself fall to your knees, palms up, at last, you understand that, just like your Patronus, Lily, your Lily, is gone. But, just like your beautiful silver doe, she'll be in your heart forever.

Always.

**Fin.**

Please review :)


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